You asked for it, you got it: Mailbag responses.
Frank Solich was fired because a 9-3 record was a descent into mediocrity. Bo Pelini was fired because you couldn’t spell Pelini without 4 L’s. If Matt Rhule puts up a 7-5 type season in Year 3, how long before the Nebraska fan base turns on him with pitchforks and torches? -Wacker Era Survivor
Dead Read: He is not in trouble this year, as long as he has a winning record. Context will matter, particularly progress toward winning more close games. High profile injuries (read: Raiola) would be taken into account. I think the consensus is to ride this out a few years. Most fans do not believe he is on a glidepath to failure.
Will Husker fans feel entitled to ten wins and shriek like banshees should that not happen?
I mean, yeah. Of course.
Jesse: Love the annual conversation around Nebraska fans
turning on coaches, because (a) well, fair, and (b) it’s always a little revisionist to say Nebraska just fired Frank Solich for being 9-3. BUT, let’s go down this stupid rabbit hole for a minute.
Frank Solich: The reality is he got fired for 7-7, and not really winning more than he should have the next year with the team he had - on paper. When he played ranked teams - or teams with a pulse - those last two years, he generally got beat bad. (28-13 Colorado, 49-13 KSU, etc). Was it probably absurd to say ‘descending into mediocrity’? Well, yeah, no shit that was stupid. But he was likely given a stay of execution past 7-7 and then didn’t win it all. Dumb? Yeah, still dumb, but context matters.
Bill Callahan got fired for being not fun to listen to and a 2-6 conference record.
Bo Pelini got fired for being insufferable, refusing to recruit, and never getting past 4 Ls. That’s an amazing floor if we’re being honest, but you can only be insufferable if you’re literally the best and fun fact, that ain’t it. Which would have been defensible if not for...
Mike Riley. It’s depressing to think that 19-19 would be a high-water mark in many ways, but here we are. God, I don’t even remember the question anymore. This is awful.
Scott Frost was 16-31, sort of insufferable, hard to defend, and lazy. So uh, cool!
Which brings us to our man in charge, Matt Rhule. Yeah, I think Nebraska fans want more, but it’s gonna take some REALLY rough results to turn on him at this point. He kind of loves Nebraska, seems to get the place, and isn’t terrible. He has relatively decent results considering where we’ve been, and recruits pretty good. Scandal would take him out and multiple more losing seasons would likely take him out, but Nebraska is tied to him one way or another. So here we go! #MattRhuleSeasonThreeOrBust (God, just doing hashtags is a sign of how old of a blogger I am).
Do I spend more time pondering the Roman Republic/Empire or the ‘93-’97 Huskers? What about you? - Exiled_in_VT
Dead Read: For me, it is a push. They get equal time. I curate an excel file to ration my energies.
Jesse: So uh, is it weird I don’t think about the Roman Empire? I see all the memes, I’m in the age group, and I just don’t care. That said, I definitely watched a bunch of YT videos of old footage from the 90s. Those were fun times. I miss playing Pacific. Wait, that’s why we miss the 90s, right? I’d totally rock a Pacific Football hat.
Dead Read: Jesse, you may not be reaching your full potential as a middle-aged man. Look into The History of Rome podcast by Mike Duncan.
Matt Rhule is 2-22 against ranked teams as a college coach, does he win a 3rd this year? (I wanted to ignore Temple since it’s unfair to think that talent level would be competitive against top 25 opponents, but that actually takes those wins off the board, so we’ll include all of his stops) - HumbleStarScream
Dead Read: Yes. He will win his third and his fourth. Let’s add a fifth, since no-one will remember my answer in two weeks. That’s how accountability works now, right?
Jesse: The great thing about this season is that I am fairly sure that there will be a lot of overrated Big Ten teams, so it’s possible! But uh, yeah, that record isn’t lost on me. To be fair, Nebraska just sucks against ranked teams since like 1997.
As ever when it’s Nebraska week: 1. How are you feeling about No Coast this year? 2. Nebraska continues to not be the spicy new kids on the block. Old enemy Colorado has weirdly more national attention with similar mediocrity, and Oklahoma and Texas both grab playoff attention (and sometimes actual berths). The University for Spoiled Children gets technically special treatment regarding cross country travel within the B1G. I guess the question is: why chili on the cinnamon rolls? So many foods I had in Omaha and Kearney were very bland and it didn’t seem like the locals wanted any spices, much less horrifying mixtures thereof. 3. Aside from win total, what evidence would give the writers a sense that Nebraska is on the right path to a championship (B1G or national) before the playoffs changes yet again? - MIddlewestAverage
Dead Read:
- I know they exist and I wish them well. That is all I have on the subject.
- Chili and cinnamon rolls is a great combo. Try it, you can even get it at Runza and kill two (three?) birds with one stone.
- Nebby will be on the right path to a championship when they spend more time thinking about what is ahead of them than the history that is behind them. Short and sweet.
Jesse: There are so many questions here...
- Um, I’m feeling about as good as a person can? I guess?
- Wow. So much is happening here... So uh, the food is kinda bland? What can I say? There are decent food, but it’s definitely various versions of beige. I joked with a friend recently that I grew up eating shades of beige but like, I did. That’s not saying that it’s all bad. I love the Midwest, and recently introduced Culvers to some friends from not-the-Midwest, but let’s call a spade a spade. It’s fair to call it bland. That said, I love me some chili and cinnamon rolls. It’s just good.
- Oh, championship? God, wins... It’s all about wins. Let’s get wins before we start talking about anything else.
According to Wikipedia, “Lil Red was created in 1993, initially intended to represent the school’s volleyball team...” Since his introduction, Nebraska has won 5 NCAA volleyball championships. Honestly though, was it all worth it? - IUinVA
Dead Read: God no.
Jesse: My dad loves Lil Red, which makes me wonder if we likely hate it as part of Internet Hater Society. But uh, nope. That said, it’s nice to have - some - titles somewhere.
My dad was NROTC at Nebraska, a fact I’ll never not find amusing, given Lincoln’s famously abundant access to open water for naval training. What would be the program Nebraska folk would be most similarly surprised to find existing at other B1G schools? - NU’06er
Dead Read: The Iowa Writers’ Workshop.
Bandwagon Iowa fans (not all Iowa fans) are subliterate. Long Legendarily so, in fact. Also, this site currently lacks an Iowa “writer.”
Jesse: Something something something, lol Pac 12 schools, something something something... Man, I used to be good at mailbags, this is really me mailing it in. Let me get back to you. Gonna answer a few more questions while I think about this one.
...I’m back!
Nebraska folk are generally surprised at lots of things? To answer this, I figured I’d take the lead of this great platform - who is going to surface content using AI because THAT is what SB Nation really needs to be investing in at this moment - and use ChatGPT to ask some questions about what the most inane things are at every Big Ten School that a Nebraskan wouldn’t be ready for. The answers are... rough:
ChatGPT: Illinois – A top-ranked agriculture program in a school surrounded by corn, sure… but also the birthplace of HAL 9000 and a renowned center for supercomputing? Yes, Urbana-Champaign is simultaneously tractor pulls and Skynet.
Me: Oh, this is so funny. A computer joke? IS THAT BECAUSE WE ARE BAD AT COMPUTERS? Look, I love AI, but this is rough. Surely it gets better...
Indiana – Elite ballet and opera programs at the same school that worships Assembly Hall like a cathedral. Bob Knight meets Swan Lake.
Me: Okay, Bob Knight catching strays for no reason is kinda funny. My dad was a performance Organ major and always speaks highly of Indiana’s music department so I’m here for it.
Iowa – The world’s most prestigious writing program exists here. Literal cornfields, metaphorical Faulkners.
Me: It’s kinda funny that Dead Read’s one-liner got sniped here by AI [DR note: I need to up my game, clearly]. But like... this is still so cringey. My daughter would be unimpressed by AI. On that note, it’s amazing how scared of AI she is. I joked that she could one day marry a robot and she is forever haunted by that. She's nine... I feel bad I traumatized her already.
Maryland – An aerospace engineering hub that’s also the closest Big Ten school to actual Navy water. Take that, Nebraska.
Me: Sure.
Michigan – Offers a degree in naval architecture and marine engineering… in Ann Arbor. Because when I think shipbuilding, I think mid-Michigan.
Me: What ChatGPT fails to take into account is (a) well, the Great Lakes region, and (b) literally the most manufacturing expertise in the US. I think when I put the question into ChatGPT I should’ve clarified that I don’t need it’s terribly sanitized sarcasm. I use ChatGPT to build and design lots of things daily, but blog posts aren’t one of those things.
Michigan State – One of the world’s top packaging science programs. Truly, they are Spartans… of Bubble Wrap.
Me: I’m very curious about packaging science in general. This feels like that origami documentary I watched and kind of was mesmerized by. I can imagine packaging science is really interesting. Holy hell we have so many of these schools now. Editorializing on each one was a mistake, but let’s go.
Minnesota – A maritime academy on Lake Superior. Yes, it’s technically water. No, it’s not what you picture when you hear “naval officer training.”
Me: Holy shit ChatGPT, you’ve over-leaned into the joke. You’re like an OTE commenter who can’t read the room. Oh shit, maybe the OTE community ‘is’ AI. That would actually explain a lot. (Sorry y’all, I love you deeply) (in an internet kind of way).
Northwestern – A Big Ten football team that plays in a glorified high school stadium next to Lake Michigan, yet also teaches future world leaders. Duality is real.
Me: Damn... That was a lot more biting than the others. I’m beginning to think ChatGPT reads OTE.
Ohio State – Home to the Byrd Polar and Climate Research Center. Nothing says “Buckeye pride” like studying Antarctica from Columbus.
Me: YEAH FUCK OHIO STATE TRYING TO SAVE THE PLANET.
Penn State – Has a nuclear reactor on campus. Which you’d expect more from, say, MIT or Dr. Evil’s lair, not Happy Valley.
Me: No comments, 10/10 for saying nothing useful. Great work, no notes.
Purdue – A full-blown flight school and airport. Yes, the Boilermakers might fly you commercial one day, which is terrifying in a very different way than playing them in West Lafayette.
Me: Um... I’m bored with this exercise. On an upside, if I have to read this nonsense, you do too!
Rutgers – A deep-sea research program… in New Jersey. Insert your own joke about exploring the toxic mysteries of the Jersey Shore.
Me: Insert joke about toxic... I dunno. New Jersey is coastal. This is not surprising?
UCLA – A surfing PE credit you can take while staring at the Pacific. So unlike Nebraska it feels like a tax write-off for good vibes.
Me: Hahahaha, BECAUSE NEBRASKA IS LANDLOCKED GET IT (note: a surfing PE credit in LA sounds incredible. I’m not surprised, just jealous)
USC – A fencing dynasty. Yes, the Trojans are just casually breeding Olympic swordfighters next to Hollywood.
Me: Wait, is this true? I’ve got multiple follow-up questions. Is this like Michigan Trampolining where it’s a dynasty in name only?
Wisconsin – A ferret training lab for medical research. Because if you’re going to cure disease, why not do it with the most chaos-prone animal imaginable?
Me: Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Which coach’s reign post-Osborne do you find most depressing upon reflection? I prefer to reject commonly-accepted reality and substitute my own where Scott Frost never existed as a coach, so I’ll go with Bill Callahan for destroying all tradition and continuity. - Exiled_in_VT
Dead Read: I agree with Exiled. The discontinuity of firing Solich and settling for Callahan was depressing and set the program adrift (I am sorry I have been on this hobby horse all week). A decades-long culture of power football and physical defense was jettisoned for a square-peg-in-a-round-hole offense and no discernible defense. The culture change was led by retreads, not visionaries. It is the same mistake Wisconsin is making right now.
Jesse: DAMMIT WHY DID I NOT READ ALL THE QUESTIONS AHEAD OF TIME?
Honestly, I’m actually with you. While Scott Frost is depressing, I can’t say his is the worst tenure by any stretch of the imagination. My actual answer is probably Bo Pelini, which is absurd but stick with me. This guy had literally the most dominant defensive player I’ve ever watched in person, and was just like “you know what, what if we just didn’t care about offense? What’s the worst thing that can happen?”
YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST THING IS? YOU LET TEXAS AND OKLAHOMA OFF THE HOOK AND DRIVE US INTO THE WASTELANDS BECAUSE YOU HATE OFFENSE (sidenote: it’s very funny to watch Iowa be very dominant on defense and lose so many games because they just refuse to play offense because I understand how deeply frustrating that is.
Which neighborhood state has the best restaurant chain birthplace?
Runza - Nebraska
Casey’s Pizza - Iowa
Pizza Hut - Kansas
Taco John’s - Wyoming
Quiznos - Colorado
Ice cold water at Wall Drug - South Dakota
- Exiled_in_VT
Dead Read: These are some strong options, with Wyoming being surprisingly respectable. I go Runza, Taco John’s, Quiznos, Casey’s, Pizza Hut, then Wall Drug. Keep in mind that I abhor cheese. I have not eaten pizza this millennium.
Jesse: Man, I love me some buc-ees, but I was literally just telling a coworker how much I miss Casey’s Breakfast sandwiches. That is the flavor of high school for me. I really love me some Runza and will 1000% be getting that when I go back to visit next week, but generally speaking, I miss Casey’s from my childhood and therefore nostalgia wins.
Taco John’s is terrible. (no need to say that, but that place is not it)
Dead Read: I disagree on Taco John’s. It is neither great nor authentic, but it is one of the better small-town options. I probably stop in once every three months.
Talk to you all later when we post our final argument.
