In today’s world, dating is a challenge. Finding your person can be tougher than job hunting, completing an Ironman marathon or even moving to a new country. Add to that the obstacle course that people
have to navigate, which includes new dating terms like ‘benching’, ‘ghosting’, and ‘breadcrumbing’; finding someone you like and vice versa can feel like a Herculean task.
And whenever in doubt, people usually head to the internet to find ways to allay their fears. This can include snooping on social media accounts or taking quizzes to gauge how emotionally invested they are in the relationship. That is how the bird theory trend went viral. Several videos have been making the rounds on the internet, which show people asking their partners one question.
What Is The Bird Theory?
The bird theory test is a relationship test that originated from TikTok trends. It goes like this – one partner makes a seemingly random and insignificant comment like “I saw a bird today,” and then observes how their partner responds.
If the other partner engages by showing curiosity or asking a follow-up question, it is a sign that they’ve understood, on a subliminal level, that this was a bid for emotional connection. But if the question is ignored, brushed off or even demeaned, the moment can be interpreted as emotional distance or a lack of interest in the little things that matter to their partner.
The Psychology Behind The Bird Theory
According to India Today, this concept stems from the psychological ‘bids of connection’ phenomenon. It aims to elicit a curious and warm response to an otherwise mundane statement, indicating your partner’s emotional connection to you.
An article by the Gottman Institute shares what ‘bids for connection’ mean – they are small, everyday attempts to gain another person’s attention, affection, or support. John Gottman refers to bids as “the fundamental unit of emotional communication.” Bids can be small or big, verbal or nonverbal, and they are requests to connect, which might take the form of an expression, question, or physical outreach. They can be funny, serious, or sexual in nature.
Responding positively to these bids by ‘turning toward’ the person strengthens emotional intimacy, while ‘turning away’ or ‘turning against’ them can create distance and resentment.
Why Is Bird Theory Trending?
Many people find this bird theory appealing because of its simplicity and applicability in everyday life. Whether it’s morning, afternoon, or evening, in a car, or at home, it’s an easy way to determine if your partner pays attention to you.
