Modern dating has blurred the lines of connection. Somewhere between casual dating and commitment lies the situationship: a space that feels flexible, exciting, and low-pressure at first. But over time,
what begins as emotional ease can quietly turn into mental fatigue. The absence of clarity, consistency, and direction doesn’t just affect the heart; it places a significant cognitive and emotional burden on the mind.
Human beings are wired to seek predictability in attachment. When relationships remain undefined for too long, the brain doesn’t relax – it stays alert, constantly scanning for meaning, reassurance, and signals. This ongoing uncertainty is what makes situationships so mentally draining, even when they appear emotionally manageable on the surface.
Why Uncertainty Overloads The Brain
Sidhharrth S Kumaar, Relationship Coach at NumroVani, notes that the mental exhaustion linked to situationships is neurological as much as emotional. “Situationships are mentally exhausting because the human brain is not designed to thrive in prolonged uncertainty around attachment,” he explains. He notes that unclear relationships activate stress, threat-detection, and reward circuits simultaneously – creating a loop that is difficult to exit.
This internal conflict keeps the stress system partially switched on, overloads decision-making processes, and hijacks reward pathways through inconsistency. “The brain keeps anticipating resolution that never fully arrives,” Kumaar adds, which explains why people feel mentally preoccupied, restless, and unable to switch off.
Emotional Disorientation And Overthinking
Ambiguity doesn’t just create stress; it disrupts emotional safety. Archana Singhal, Counsellor & Family Therapist and Founder of Mindwell Counsel, explains that situationships often lead to constant emotional disorientation. “When individuals are unsure of their position, they tend to overanalyse every interaction, message, or behavioural shift,” she says. This relentless overthinking raises anxiety levels and makes it difficult to feel emotionally grounded.
The unpredictability of such relationships leaves individuals feeling unsettled. Without clear expectations or reassurance, the mind remains in a state of vigilance – watching, waiting, and interpreting – leading to emotional exhaustion over time.
The Impact On Self-Worth And Attachment
One of the most damaging effects of prolonged uncertainty is its impact on self-esteem. Kumaar points out that unresolved relational ambiguity can activate neural pain networks without resolution, often leading to self-doubt. When people feel the need to suppress their needs to keep things going, their sense of self-worth can erode.
Singhal adds that emotional imbalance is common in situationships, especially when one person is more invested. “The lack of commitment can stop individuals from expressing their needs due to fear of rejection,” she explains. Over time, this emotional suppression can build frustration, sadness, and resentment, further destabilising mental health.
When Situationships Mimic Addiction
The emotional highs and lows of inconsistent attention can mirror behavioural addiction. Kumaar notes that anxious attachment patterns often emerge, creating cycles of craving and temporary relief. The brain keeps trying to solve the relationship, leading to rumination, sleep disturbances, and difficulty concentrating.
Singhal observes that this fatigue often shows up as emotional burnout. Individuals may feel drained by constant communication, lose motivation, or feel stuck and unable to move forward. Irritability, emotional numbness, and mental fog are common signs that the relationship dynamic is taking a psychological toll.
Social Media And Modern Dating Pressure
Modern dating culture amplifies this exhaustion. Dating apps normalise casual, undefined connections, while social media promotes idealised relationship milestones. Singhal explains that this contrast fuels comparison and anxiety, pushing people to stay in ambiguous relationships longer than they should – often out of fear of being alone or missing out.
Clarity is not a demand. It is an act of self-respect. While seeking definition may lead to uncomfortable conversations or endings, it protects long-term mental health. Emotional safety, open communication, and clear boundaries allow the mind to rest instead of constantly calculating uncertainty. Situationships may feel easier in the beginning, but prolonged ambiguity comes at a cost.
