The subject takes me back to watching Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody. Noah (Brody’s Jewish character) buys a comically large bouquet of sunflowers for Kristen’s mom when he meets
her for the first time. And in that scene, the viewers can see the exact moment Joanne gets “the ick,” as she calls it. It could have turned her off him, but they survived that and more, thankfully.
And we’ve all been there. One day you’re swooning over your partner’s “mysterious brooding,” and the next day, you’re wondering why you’re dating someone with the communicative depth of a wall. It’s the phenomenon taking over TikTok and was also canonised by the Cambridge Dictionary: The Ick. But here’s the kicker, the very thing that made you fall in love might be the exact thing that makes you want to rip it apart.
Social psychologists call this a “Fatal Attraction.” It’s the scientific reality that a partner’s greatest strength is often just their most “icky” weakness in a better outfit.
Do You Get The Ick From Your Partner?
In the first act of a romance, we are often drawn to extremes. Think of Miranda Priestly or Jordan Belfort type whose drive is intoxicating. At first, their success feels like a shared trophy. Later, the ‘disenchantment’ happens because we get exactly what we wanted, but in a dose that’s eventually toxic.
Their “decisiveness” morphs into being overbearing. The “successful CEO” you bragged about becomes the workaholic who is physically present but mentally checking emails during your anniversary dinner.
Similarly, we often gravitate toward the “Manic Pixie” characters or the “Free Spirit,” much like the magnetic leads in 500 Days of Summer or Jack Sparrow. Initially, their spontaneity feels like an escape from your boring routine. However, “The Ick” usually strikes when life requires a bit of gravity. Suddenly, that “funny” partner is cracking jokes at a funeral, and the “laid-back” free spirit has “gone with the flow” so hard they forgot your birthday. Being easygoing is great until you actually need someone to be punctual.
The ick thrives because attraction is exaggerated in the honeymoon phase. We don’t just like traits; we idealise them. And once real life kicks in, those same traits stop being charming and start being exhausting.
