In modern dating, new terms frequently emerge to highlight the complex and often toxic behaviours people encounter in relationships. Recently, one such term that has been gaining significant attention
is ghostlighting. This blends two harmful practices, ghosting and gaslighting, into a single, deeply unsettling experience.
Notably, ghosting is considered the act of abruptly cutting off communication without providing any explanation, while gaslighting involves psychological manipulation, making a person doubt their own perceptions, memories, or feelings. When combined, these behaviours create ghostlighting.
Ghostlighting: What It Means?
In this toxic dating trend, people manipulate their partners into doubting themselves before abruptly cutting off communication. Ultimately, this leaves the victim both confused and emotionally destabilised, making it more harmful than ghosting alone since it erodes trust and self-worth.
How Does Ghostlighting Work?
Before cutting off communication, the person slowly shifts the blame onto their partner. This means that the victim might already feel responsible for the breakup by the time they stop communicating with each other.
According to USA Today, ghostlighters drop all communication only to reinitiate contact later to pretend as if nothing ever happened. Making things worse, they even try to gaslight the victim into believing that there was no ghosting in the first place.
Amy Chan told the news outlet that these people don’t acknowledge their withdrawal and may minimise it or offer misleading explanations.
“Instead of owning it, they brush it off like it’s no big deal and then make an excuse like ‘it seemed like you were super busy so I didn’t want to bother you’,” Chan said.
“What makes it different from simple ghosting is the psychological twist. Ghosting is avoidance. Ghostlighting adds distortion by manipulating the facts so you doubt your own reality,” Chan added.
How To Recognise Ghostlighting?
In the early stage of a relationship, experts believe that people should pay more attention to behaviour than words.
Dating coach Blaine Anderson advises asking a few questions about a potential partner’s actions. Is your partner showing up when they say they will? Are they communicating consistently?
“If someone disappears and later returns without acknowledging it or apologising, it’s worth addressing. Do you really want to be with someone who might repeat that behaviour?” Anderson said.
Further, Chan suggests that people confront the situation in a calm manner rather than ignoring it.
“If you’re on the receiving end of ghostlighting, do not smooth it over. If someone resurfaces after disappearing, name it calmly. ‘When you stopped responding, I took that as a lack of interest and a lack of communication.’ Then pause and see how they handle it. Do they acknowledge it and take responsibility? Or do they deflect and minimise?” USA Today quoted Chan as saying.
