Grief is not consistant or same for everyone, it does not always arrive with a significant shift. Sometimes, it reshapes identity, rewires emotional patterns, and forces a person to rebuild themselves
from scratch. In a deeply personal revelation, Janhvi Kapoor has opened up about how losing her mother, Sridevi, altered not just her life, but the very foundation of her self-worth.
Speaking on Figuring Out with Raj Shamani, Janhvi reflected on the emotional aftermath of her mother’s sudden passing in 2018, when she was just 20. What unfolds is not merely a story of loss, but one that aligns closely with psychological frameworks.
“I was a very dependent daughter,” Janhvi admitted. “I depended on her for everything what to wear, what to do, what to think, what is right, what is wrong, who I am, what I am not. Everything.”
Janhvi’s experience reflects, when a child’s sense of identity is deeply intertwined with a primary caregiver. When that anchor disappears abruptly, it often leaves behind what experts describe as an identity vacuum.
She articulated this shift with striking clarity, “The worst thing was losing her, I was a very dependent daughter. I hadn’t exercised that part of my brain that is used to make your own decisions.”
What this really means is that decision-making, emotional regulation, and self-perception had long been externally guided. The sudden absence of that guidance created a disorienting transition into autonomy, one that unfolded under intense public scrutiny.
Grief Under The Public Eye
Grieving privately is one thing; grieving while being watched, judged, and dissected is another. Janhvi described how, during this vulnerable phase, she was subjected to constant public commentary with some saying, she was not sad enough.
“So suddenly, learning how to make your own decisions and form your own opinions, while the world is tearing you apart, ‘she’s smiling too much,’ ‘she’s too cold,’ ‘she’s not crying enough’, I made some bad decisions.”
This aligns with the concept of social evaluation anxiety, where external judgement amplifies emotional distress. In Janhvi’s case, it also contributed to what psychologists term maladaptive coping mechanisms. “I let people into my life who had no business being anywhere near me, and they took advantage of me.”
Displaced Attachment and The Search for Validation
After the loss of a primary emotional anchor, individuals often redirect their need for validation elsewhere, which is largely known as displaced attachment. For Janhvi, that shift moved towards public approval, career success, and external affirmation.
“I wasn’t putting myself in a safe place. I was constantly compromising my mental and physical safety.”
Her reflection captures a common psychological pattern, where boundary erosion occurs during periods of vulnerability. The need to feel seen, valued, or secure can override instinctive self-protection.
Janhvi is candid about one reality many avoid discussing, some losses are not meant to be fully processed. “I feel like I can process every other incident in my life, except losing my mother. That is something I don’t think I can ever fully process.”
