Youthful Aspirations
In his youth, the author held ambitious dreams, such as becoming a fast bowler. He embraced a bold, expressive style, fueled by unwavering belief. However,
this fervent spirit waned over time. He vividly recalls a photograph taken in his late teens, capturing his defiant posture and the symbolic 'steel kada,' highlighting his youthful vigor and unyielding conviction. At that time, he was convinced that determination and faith were one and the same.
Embracing Transformation
The author made adjustments in his life, and somewhere during this process, he suppressed the part of himself that held onto the belief that momentum and conviction were identical. He stopped wearing clothes he couldn't explain. He realized he stopped dreaming for the same reason he stopped bowling: he learned to be ashamed of trying too hard. This shift coincided with a broader societal trend towards curated self-presentation, a behavior pattern he attributes to his generation, Gen X. They built platforms where they only presented the Photoshopped versions of their vacations, their lives, and themselves, viewing it as a measure of “winning.”
The Gen Z Contrast
The author's daughters, who belong to Gen Z, represent a counter-narrative. Unlike their father's generation, they seek authenticity, preferring unedited images and unfiltered experiences. Their preference for “first takes” and “unflattering angles” reflects a rebellion against the curated perfection of earlier generations. They've moved past the many filters available on each phone and want that first take: the unflattering angle, closed eyes, uneven light. This is in stark contrast to his own Gen X experience of carefully crafting an online persona.
Reflecting on Choices
The author reflects on the choices he's made and wonders if his younger self would recognize him. He questions the societal pressure to conform, to suppress vulnerability, and to prioritize a polished image. He considers whether he has betrayed the passionate, uninhibited spirit of his youth. The author feels the need to apologize to his younger self and asks, 'Have I become someone he wouldn’t recognise?'
Rediscovering Reality
Observing his daughters, the author finds himself appreciating their focus on authenticity. He sees value in their earnestness, even in imperfect images. He begins to question how reality became something one had to 'work backwards' to reach. He acknowledges the wisdom in embracing imperfection, and notes that it’s never too late to recapture lost dreams. He now sees the beauty of an out-of-focus dog or an underexposed street scene. This shift marks a turning point and opens up a possibility for new beginnings.
A Path Forward
The author invites introspection. He encourages readers to consider how they can connect with their past selves. The piece concludes with an invitation to reflect on what parts of our younger selves can be recovered and re-integrated. He asks, 'What kindness can I extend to the younger me? What parts of that younger person can I pick up, restore and re-attach?' The essay encourages the pursuit of passion and the embrace of an unedited existence. This prompts self-examination to identify and reclaim qualities from one's formative years.
