Congratulations! If you or a loved one previously engaged in acts of bestiality, you (or they) are now eligible to join the prestigious ranks of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
FBI Director Kash Patel testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee
on Tuesday, and the hearing quickly turned bizarre, with senators grilling the MAGA law enforcement official on why he relaxed hiring standards at the bureau — including by scrapping a rule disqualifying individuals who had engaged in bestiality prior to turning 18 from joining the service.
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.), the ranking Democrat on the committee, pressed Patel over the rule change. “Applicants who have engaged in bestiality means they were victims of bestiality because they were forced to do so,” Patel replied, angrily. “At this FBI we are not going to criminalize and prevent victims from serving the United States of America.”
Uhhh…
Republicans were also confused. When Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) asked Patel about the rule change, Patel explained that before he arrived, the rules “automatically disqualified any individual who participated on either side of it. Obviously we were never going to hire the criminal.”
“Either side of what? The bestiality?” Kennedy replied. “So you disqualified the animal?”
“We have great canines, but we’re not going to disqualify the animal,” Patel said.
Kennedy, understandably, was still confused. “I’m trying to understand why you did this,” he said before expressing sympathy for Patel having to deal with Democrats who want to make him look bad, and some of the other challenges the FBI is currently facing. He asked again: “Why would you even get into bestiality?”
Patel said that sometimes when people are sex trafficked, they are forced to have sex with animals, and that he doesn’t want to disqualify these people from joining the FBI.
Kennedy wasn’t convinced.
“These changes didn’t start with you, did they? Someone came to you and recommended this. When you saw bestiality — I say this with respect — the person who recommended it … why didn’t you just say, ‘What planet did you parachute in from? Why do I want to lead with my chin and get into bestiality?’”
It isn’t just bestiality. The FBI has also reportedly relaxed hiring standards in other areas, including for applicants who have admitted to hiring sex workers or stealing from their previous employers. The moves come as the FBI flounders under Patel, a MAGA loyalist who lacked real law enforcement experience before Trump tapped him to lead the nation’s premiere law enforcement agency. His tenure has been marred by controversy, and the agency has been losing a distressing number of agents and staffers amid a wave of mass firings and resignations.
Patel thinks the answer is opening the gates to applicants with checkered pasts.
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