Saturday Night Live opened with host John Mulaney instructing a naive group of tech leaders how to tell whether a woman is genuinely interested in them or is a spy trying to extract valuable information from them, as may be the case with ousted Nvidia
CEO Jensen Huang.
Mulaney, as a CIA officer, summons Peter Thiel (James Austin Johnson), Sam Altman (Ben Marshall), Dario Amodei (Jane Wickline), Mark Zuckerberg (Andrew Dismukes) and Elon Musk (Jeremy Culhane) to agency headquarters to brief them on a matter of national security.
“America needs you to learn the difference between a woman who would actually want to have sex with you, and a woman who is clearly a spy,” Mulaney says. He then asks the group what the lesson in Huang’s downfall is.
“Never date a Chinese woman,” Amodei says.
“Never date a human woman,” Zuckerberg answers.
“Never date anyone, lest they become the antichrist,” Thiel says.
Mulaney then tries using a Venn diagram to get his point across. The diagram shows two circles that do not overlap one bit: “beautiful women” and “your interests and opinions.”
“So,” he asks the group, “if someone is both of these things, then they are a what?”
“An angel,” Amodei replies confidently.
When informed that this person would be a spy, Musk goes on one of his unfunny tangents about James Bond, prompting Mulaney to squirt him with a water bottle to get him to shut up.
A second Venn diagram gets introduced after Zuckerberg says that if a woman approached him, he would interpret it as a sign that she “wanted to sleep with the man who created the Metaverse, as all women do.” This diagram also has “beautiful women” in one circle. And in a much, much smaller circle to the right for “people who like the metaverse,” there is an image of just Zuckerberg.
“Maybe it would help if I handed this over to someone who learned this lesson the hard way,” Mulaney says, as former SNL cast member Bowen Yang enters as Huang.
“Ladies, when you invite Jensen over, you know what’s about to go down: the S&P 500,” he says. “That’s right, I’m into BDSM: breaking the stock market. Fellas, don’t be like me. Remember, women don’t like guys like us. That’s how we became guys like us.”
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