Late-night hosts focused their efforts on Donald Trump’s meeting with Chinese president Xi Jinping this week, which went about as well as anyone would have expected.
On Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jimmy Kimmel quipped, “My nine year old had a friend over to the
house for the first time this weekend and he wanted to show him all his stuff, his Legos, his video games, his bunk beds, everything. And this is exactly what Trump did today. He dragged President Xi around the show, showing him all the insane gold paint he put on the walls. He showed him his half-built ballroom.”
He noted, “For a man who’s always screaming about China, Hairman Mao laid it on very thick today.” Kimmel added that President Xi announced he would be sending two giant pandas to the U.S. as a gift, calling it a “very bad idea.”
“If they send Trump pandas he’s definitely going to eat them,” Kimmel joked. “Did these pandas come express?”
On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon described President Xi’s two-day state visit in D.C., which included a military flyover at the airport and a state dinner at the White House. “The menu for tonight’s dinner included sesame-crusted sea bass, braised baby bok choy, roasted garden eggplant, and two Big Mac with large fries and a diet coke,” Fallon said.
After mentioning the pandas, Fallon mimicked Trump, quipping, “And I’m sending China our most prized animal, Jimothy the raccoon. That’s right. That’s for you.”
Speaking on Late Night, Seth Meyers noted that Trump didn’t seem to “care about the issues or the details of the meetings.” Instead he was focused on his new helipad, which he claimed has been wanted at the White House for 30 years.
“In fact, Trump was so excited for this visit he made service members literally roll out a red carpet for Xi’s arrival,” Meyers said. “Fuck. He figured out carpet. We wanted one of those for like 30 years. Ah Obama, why couldn’t you figure that out you dummy?”
On The Daily Show, Desi Lydic described Xi’s arrival in Washington. “Trump picked him up at the airport?” she marveled. “That is friendship. I don’t even pick my own kid up at the airport.”
She then played a clip of Trump being spooked by the plane during the military flyover. “Oh my God, that is embarrassing,” she said. “Why did you wince like that? You are the one who ordered the flyover! It’s like when a baby farts so loud it scares itself.”
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