On Saturday Night Live, Shane Gillis revealed what it would be like if a cop hosted a talk show: talking to his guests like he’s pulling them over, while giving preferential treatment to a certain type of person.
Gillis, in his third time on SNL following
appearances in February 2024 and the following March, teams up with sidekick Mikey Day on Cop Talk, which they claim is meant to show that talking to the police “doesn’t have to be stressful.” Turns out, it still is.
Officer Doyle Connelly (Gillis) provides a curt introduction for his first guest: “an author who wrote a book.”
After telling the writer (Jeremy Culhane) to roll down the window into the arm of his chair, Connelly asks, “How we doing tonight?” He followed that up with, “You know why I brought you out here?” Then came, “You nervous about something?” and “You got some ID?”
When the author reaches into his pocket, Connelly and his partner freak out, telling him to do so slowly. They eventually let him go, but without him talking about his book. “You’re lucky I’m letting you off with a warning, now get out of here,” Connelly says.
Things go similarly for the next guest, a “local artist” (Ben Marshall) who first refers to Donnelly as “sir,” then corrects himself to “officer.”
“Stumbling on your words? What are you, drunk?” Donnelly asks. When the artists replies that he doesn’t drink, Donnelly jumps to a conclusion: “So you’re high.”
After being asked to step out of the chair, a police dog identifies a tin of Altoids in the artist’s pocket. The officers aren’t buying it.
“Yeah, we’ll see what the lab says. Tase him!” Donnelly instructs his fellow officer. “Big-time scumbag.”
The third guest of the night is a comedian (Kam Patterson), who, after seeing what has been happening, makes a wise choice.
“Actually, I’m good. Have a good night,” he says, leaving the set.
Donnelly nods: “Smart.”
The final guest of the night is introduced as “some broad from some TV show.” Donnelly’s demeanor changes upon seeing the ditzy blonde (Veronika Slowikowska), who admits to being “kinda drunk and, like, a little high.” When she asks for his hat, he willingly hands it over, then turns to the camera, gruff again: “Okay, that’s the show. We’re done.”
Donnelly then leans over to her: “You ever hold a gun before?”
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