Is It Normal to Hate Your Parents?

“A mother’s love is quiet, constant, and fierce all at once.”“A father’s love is strength wrapped in responsibility.”For the longest time, these ideas were unquestionable. A mother will love, no matter what. A father will protect, no matter what. We grew up believing this was the sacred truth. But time changed that certainty with more and more children speaking about the childhood trauma they carried caused by parents who were narcissistic, neglectful or emotionally abusive. Slowly, parents were taken off the pedestal they had stood on for generations. There was a young woman who went live on Instagram talking about how her mother allowed her brother to abuse her and did nothing about it. A well-known healer spoke in an interview about cutting

ties with her mother for the sake of her own peace. And more recently, Brooklyn Beckham publicly called out his parents, David and Victoria Beckham, sharing deeply personal details about their relationship. Soon after, David Beckham responded at a press conference, “I wish children used social media responsibly, but you have to allow them to make mistakes.” Vivian Wilson spoke openly about distancing herself from her father Elon Musk because of personal differences and his actions. Closer home, Amaal Malik announced on social media that he was distancing himself from his family, only to go on Bigg Boss 19 and speak about his immense love for both his parents. What’s clear is this: children are no longer afraid of being judged for speaking up.

What’s striking is not just what children are saying, but the courage with which they are saying it. From a psychological lens, this shift is tied to more people, especially youngsters opening up to topics around mental health, boundaries and even trauma. Therapy culture, social media and the whole language around emotional abuse have given people the vocabulary to name what once felt confusing or shameful. Many adults are finally able to say: what hurt me wasn’t discipline or their tough love, it was harm. A counsellor recently shared, “If you feel an unexplained angst or irritation while speaking to your parents, it is often your younger self responding to a lifetime of expectations, criticism or emotional harshness that you absorbed quietly as a child. Back then you didn’t have the language or power to question it so you learned to be silent, to adjust and to survive. Those feelings had nowhere to go back then so they stayed stored in the body and the mind. And now, as an adult, they surface in everyday conversations through impatience, withdrawal or sudden emotional reactions that may even surprise you. Most often guilt follows because you don’t fully understand why you reacted the way you did. But what you are experiencing isn’t disrespect or ingratitude. It’s unresolved emotional memory that's asking to be seen. It’s the child in you finally responding to what they were never allowed to respond to at the time.”

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

At the same time, this doesn’t mean parents are villains. Psychology tells us that most parents are doing the best they can with the understanding, awareness and emotional regulation they have. Many are parenting from their own unhealed wounds and unknowingly repeating patterns they never had the chance to question. Let's be honest, parents can love their children fiercely and still fail them. They can have good intentions and still cause lasting harm. Loving someone does not automatically make one emotionally safe for them. The real hurt happens even outside in how society responds to children who speak up. When we insist that parents especially mothers cannot be wrong, we leave no space for mistakes and no place for children to put their pain. The moment a child voices hurt, they are met with disbelief and reminded of their parent's sacrifice and duty, disregarding their feelings.They are told “But she’s your mother,” or “He did his best,” further feel like a second betrayal. It is a double attack because it tells them that their feelings don’t matter, that discomfort must be swallowed and that loyalty is more important than truth. Over time, this invalidation gives way to anger, resentment and even hate. Not because children want to reject their parents, but because their reality keeps getting denied. And so when this pain is repeatedly dismissed, it doesn’t disappear but becomes harder. And what often looks like bitterness in adulthood is in fact grief for the care and understanding that never came.Why can't we hold both the truths at once? That parents are human and flawed and that children’s pain is real and valid. But it is also the only way healing becomes possible.A friend once told me she moved abroad just to escape the trauma her mother inflicted on her. But the pain followed her anyway. Every time a friend’s mother visited, every time she saw a warm, affectionate bond, it reminded her of what she never had. “How do I tell anyone I didn’t love my mother? People would look at me with shock. With disgust. Because who doesn’t love their mother?” Another friend spoke about his strained relationship with his father and how he still pretends in public that they are close. Because that’s what makes you seem 'normal'. So perhaps the real question isn’t whether it’s wrong to feel anger towards one’s parents but whether we are finally making room for honesty. A world where parents are allowed to be imperfect and children are allowed to admit that love alone doesn’t erase harm. Which brings us to an uncomfortable question we rarely ask out loud: Is it normal to hate your parents? Sometimes what we call hate is simply unacknowledged grief.