5-Hour Energy works because it is the Pepsi to an industry of Cokes.
Pepsi rattled the ubiquitous cola with a series of taste tests that showed people preferred its bolder, sweeter flavor over the longtime standard. It was enough to give the world New Coke, which went over about as well as a ballot measure banning brewing in the state of Wisconsin.
But Pepsi won its taste tests because it was doled out in small amounts. It's sweetness and bigger flavors worked better in two ounces than 12. That's where 5-Hour Energy exists, a shot in a 1.93-ounce bottle that tastes a little funky and ultimately works in a landscape where eight, 12 or 16 ounces is the norm. It's why 5-Hour Energy can pivot quickly to new flavors, even if they ultimately just wind
up tasting like 5-Hour Energy.
That brings us to this year's fall flavors. By most logical thinking, Pumpkin Spice and Caramel Apple should not work in this sharp, tart and sweet extension of energy drinks. But it might, because 5-Hour Energy is here for a good time, not a long one. Well, let's see what we've got.
Pumpkin Spice: B
It smells and looks like the typical 1.93-ounce bottle. It's pink, slightly acidic and smells like sugar sprinkled into a bunch of ground-up Flintstones chewable vitamins.
The pumpkin is... subtle? Huh. Subtle is not what 5-Hour Energy does. But here it builds, not really making itself known until the end of the sip. Even then, it's more cinnamon and nutmeg than autumn's favorite gourd.
It's a weird mix, certainly. It also kinda works? When you're dealing with fewer than two ounces at a time, you can get bold and weird. Pumpkin spice shots certainly qualify. That cinnamon leaves a vaguely gritty finish at the top of your throat, but it's nothing too serious. The sweet-and-slightly-spicy end is surprisingly well balanced atop the fast-flowing current of the brand's signature taste underneath.
After finishing my bottle. I'm on board. Pumpkin Spice 5-Hour Energy: kinda good!
Caramel, Apple: C-
No, I don't know why the flavor is stylized on the label like that either. The apple lingers upward from the glass before being abruptly stopped by the tart acidity of the base drink below it. It smells like someone's feet after walking through an orchard, but that's also because I've let it escape containment and poured it into our good crystal. Clearly, this is what my in-laws had in mind when they passed it down to us.
The apple is sweet and crisp, then comes a layer of softer, gooier caramel. Then apple again, then an aftertaste that feels like you just lost a filling biting into a stale Charms Caramel Apple pop. The apple on its own would have been great, but the caramel is overly sugary, leaving a texture on your tongue that's slightly gritty even if the drink itself is in standard 5-Hour form.
That's frustrating! It starts out with promise and devolves into a mess. At under two ounces, it's still easily drinkable. There's nothing out-and-out disgusting about it. I just don't want any more after this.
Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?
This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink 5-Hour Energy's fall flavors over a cold can of Hamm’s?
I can't believe I landed here but: Pumpkin Spice? Yes. Caramel, Apple? Nah.
This is part of FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
This article originally appeared on For The Win: Pumpkin Spice 5-Hour Energy: Surprisingly, it kinda works!
