The best song on Weezer's second album, Pinkerton, isn't on Pinkerton. It's not even sung by frontman Rivers Cuomo. That is I Just Threw Out the Love of My Dreams, a B-side to single The Good Life with vocals from Rachel Haden.
It didn't make the original album, which is a shame. It does not mean Pinkerton is a bad record. Neither does the fact it was a commercial flop after the booming success of the band's debut album, affectionately known as The Blue Album (a peek into the quirkiness that would make the band lovable scamps in their early adulthood and borderline insufferable in middle age). The sophomore sessions are largely a place for Cuomo to whine about his love life and success, centering his ability to get too many women but not the ones
he wanted over 10 songs and less than 35 minutes.
That all sounds very grating. I assure you, it is not. Weezer's charm was its ability to make lament accessible, backed by power chords that spoke to alternative rock and even pop fans and seemingly random references that spoke to the dorks who would go on to dominate internet message boards and shape a culture's sense of humor for years to come.
Pinkerton was released September 24, 1996. In honor of that, let's rank each song on the original release -- while acknowledging even the 10th place finisher is... well, actually, Getchoo kinda sucks. But from there? Not bad!
10. Getchoo
Annoying lyrics, annoying chorus. But it sounds pretty nice before you get to that repetitive "GETCHOO, UH-HUH" that leaves this in last place.
9. Butterfly
Cuomo and an acoustic guitar close out the album, hoping to replicate some of the soft descent that Only in Dreams used to land the plane in the Blue Album. Ultimately, it comes off as the lead singer apologizing for being so popular that women keep throwing themselves at him. It lacks the grandiosity or intrigue of Dreams, ending the album on a bit of a bummer.
8. Falling for you
A little too janky for my liking, but undeniably a catchy and fun song. Cuomo laments his lust, punctuated by his would-be paramour's cello and artistic talent compared to "little ol' three-chord me." It lands here after some debate, but you could convince me it's a top five song on the album.
7. Tired of Sex
There's something charming about the lo-fi effort that glosses across all 3:01 of this album opener. It's also a song complaining about how much sex Cuomo is getting as the lead singer of a hit band, which is a novel concept but also an annoying one to lead off the CD. That guitar riff will be stuck in your head for weeks after listening, sounding like something that would eventually be translated into even lower-fi background music from a Strongbad E-Mail.
6. No Other One
A little disjointed and weird -- but Weezer can pull that off. After starting with a Kickstart My Heart-type rev-up, you get stuck in a mid-tempo ballad that has some Only in Dreams vibes without the build or crescendo. Oh, and it's the third song on the album. Still, it's a journey that shows how good these guys are at making a minimalist style sound expansive.
5. Why Bother?
Now we're into the toughest part of the rankings. Not a single song from here on out gets skipped when it ends up on a random playlist or radio through various streaming services. This is two minutes of lament that fits with Cuomo's "I have too many girls/I don't have any girls" vibe that carries Pinkerton. It's quick, jaunty and memorable -- even if there isn't a ton of meaning behind it.
4. Across the Sea
Even though it's directed at an 18-year-old girl in Japan and at least a little bit creepy, it's honest and heartfelt and, even if it's not a 1:1 comparison, relatable for anyone in a long distance relationship. There's also no denying it's a really well composed song that features all the hallmarks of a Weezer hit; steady, simple beats that get intense as the chorus builds, some well placed distortion and a series of tone and pacing shifts that illustrate all the mood changes that come with inner conflict -- only brought to a bright stage for the world to dissect.
3. Pink Triangle
Cuomo's personal version of Chasing Amy (which came out the following year) should be more tiresome and annoying than it is. Instead, we got a self-defeating chorus of "I'm dumb, she's a lesbian" that will live in my brain until the heat death of the universe. The lead singer is an overexcited puppy, lovestruck moments after meeting a woman and mapping out their future. As a former, and current, doofus, I could relate.
2. The Good Life
A tumultuous college relationship re-introduced me to this song since my ex would plaster it on her AIM away message every time we broke up (which was often). I cannot deny that she picked an absolute jam, however. The tempo changes and lyrics make the chorus triumphant, a rallying cry for the dumped (or simply lonely) to pull themselves up and find the best versions of themselves. Which also might be a worse version of themselves, but hey, something's gotta give.
1. El Scorcho
Who knew that one of the best opening lines in alt rock would be "god DAMN you half-Japaneeeeese GirrrrLLLLs." Probably a few people who had Flaming Lips posters on their dorm room walls, but still.
This feels like the full Weezer experience wrapped up in a four-minute package. We've got unrequited love, non-sequitur references (ECW wrestling gets a very notable shoutout) and an incredibly catchy chorus that begs you to sing along (and allows even the most funk and rhythm-less among us to thrive at karaoke). El Scorcho is a playlist staple for so, so many dads out there, just hoping they won't have to explain their lyrics to the children in their backseat.
This article originally appeared on For The Win: Ranking every song on Weezer's Pinkerton, 30 years later
