Spider-Man: Brand New Day feels exhausted. The film plays like trying to kick off a New Year's resolution to get in shape while it has the flu, dragging itself through new habits while it's sinking low with fever and chills.
The fourth Tom Holland Spider-Man movie feels allergic to the film that came before it, that one a member-berry Pepsi commercial oozing careless nostalgia and stringent brand management. However, while trying to saddle this Peter Parker down with more baggage while still adhering to the core tenants of the Marvel Cinematic Universe Bible, what was once sprightly and ready to conquer the world plays as lumbered and unconvincing. Here's a film that feels bored with itself while straining for respectability; all 145 minutes
crawl by with a snail's pace and a slug's zest for life. If you were wondering, yes, a slug is apparently faster than a snail. That's a more interesting factoid than anything in this movie. .
The film is calibrated to appeal to those who didn't care for the "Fast Times at Spider-Man High" whiz-bang energy of the first three installments, opting to plunge Parker into the male loneliness epidemic after everyone he loved (like two people since Aunt May is dead) forgot he existed after Doctor Strange cast a spell to save the sacred timeline from Peter Parker collapse at the end of Spider-Man: No Way Home. You can rewatch that third cameo-fest just a couple of days before Brand New Day and still not get exactly why the world's most powerful sorcerer couldn't figute out a spell to make Parker's only two friends to remember him. That cliffhanger of an ending always felt like you could drive a MCU-sized 18-wheeler through its once-Sorcerer Supreme's ancient cantation; the entirety of Spider-Man: Brand New Day's emotional catharsis rests on such flimsy, forgetful ridiculousness.
Bringing in Short Term 12 wunderkind Destin Daniel Cretton in to heighten the human drama and add a keener eye to the bombast and hiring an actual cinematographer who understands lighting gives this Spidey adventure a more austere edge. Unlike comedy-focused Jon Watts, Cretton cares about slowing things down and letting his characters breathe a little bit. They're about equal in their ability to mount a memorable set piece (which is, one a movie), but Cretton is a better fit if you're determined to have Holland's Spider-Man grow up. However, there's a dull tug-and-pull between Cretton's indie drama past and insular character focus and the grander MCU storyline needing to cram in Jon Bernthal's Punisher, Mark Ruffalo's Hulk, Florence Pugh's Black Widow, a major X-Men character who serves as the film's largely anonymous villain (it's Sadie Sink as powerful mutant Jean Grey; why is that a spoiler), the Department of Damage Control and a bunch of throwaway Spider-Man villains who make as much of an impact as a bite of single Skittle. It's a clown school graduate performing Ibsen in a red nose and frills.
Spider-Man: Brand New Day is the most visually exciting Spider-Man movie since 2014's second Andrew Garfield joint; it's also the most agonizingly boring superhero movie since 2021's MCU flop Eternals. Holland's buoyant charms subside for a mawkish pout, making his Parker a generic sad boy that lacks Tobey Maguire's precious misfortune and Andrew Garfield's emo-king reclusiveness. It's high time that Parker stopped running around with the tech of a billionaire and actually learn about the great responsibility of great power, but Cretton couldn't nail down how to make Parker's downtrodden spiral interesting. The film gets stuck in a depressive web of gloom and doesn't know how to wriggle out to do anything but keep its unnecessarily convoluted plot moving along the line.
The film stands in Sam Raimi's towering shadow, his take on Parker's mournful heroism still the bar to clear in live-action Spidey storytelling. Raimi had an uncanny ability to meld the melancholy and darkness of Parker's story and his monster-movie gallery of tragic rouges with the science nerd's goofy earnestness. Cretton tries to emulate that spirit, and bully on him for at least giving it the old college try. Alas, it's not nearly as successful. The film feels more traced over on the Raimi formula than savvy to what made it tick. Also, this is still an MCU film that throws in the baker's dozen of series characters who already have their own movies and side projects. Sink's Grey feels especially pointless and ineffective as a misunderstood big bad; her power is a nifty visual sight, but the execution on a story level doesn't achieve much. It's a gateway to the X-Men as opposed to an actual foil for Parker's innocent aura like he's had in the past with Michael Keaton's Vulture, Jake Gyllenhaal's Mysterio and Willem Dafoe's Goblin 2.0.
The personal drama for Parker and his memory-clouded friends tries to play like a 2000s Sundance drama, but it's hard to really buy in because of how doofy the inciting incident was. The film wants to ignore how it got here, even if it very well can't because it's literally a MCU movie. You can write intimate dialogue for Holland and Zendaya as the film slows down to add some romantic depth, but you can't forget a wizard zapped them into this mess on top of a Captain America-amended Statue of Liberty while the sky cracked open with the multiverse's worth of problems. You can't have it both ways. You either commit to the bit, or you really crack this thing out of its case and give it space. We're nearly 20 years into this grand cinematic experiment; it's too late for these movies to be something else. There's too much history; too much cumbersome plot to chew through to find a foundation. These movies are trying to swim up right now with cinder blocks tied to their ankles. It's just hard to get a MCU movie right post-Endgame, and it's even harder to break out of the bad habits that are just commonplace by now. Bruce Banner, Frank Castle and Yelena Belova get airtime because nothing ends. We're always looking to next week's episode.
It's a shame that Spider-Man: Brand New Day's aesthetic leaps don't get any support by its yawn of a plot and its moody blues. A franchise that used to feel fun now just feels tired and bummed out; the quest to make us take this series more seriously has spun out all of its joy. This Spider-Man run just feels played out. Holland has aged out of the role, sure, but there's also not much else for him to do with the character. Time to pass the mask elsewhere.
This article originally appeared on For The Win: 'Spider-Man: Brand New Day' is a boring swing-and-miss
