This season brings no shortage of delicious new food and drink items to our fair ballpark. Sánchez Sliders are flying off the shelves, Luzardo’s Sweeper cheesesteak is as delicious as its namesake is hard to hit, and Schwarbomb sundaes are delighting everyone except for dietitians. But not every dish makes it from the drawing board to the menu. Just as prospects flame out on their way from Low-A to the majors, plenty of concessions end up not making it to the show. Here’s a few foodstuffs that couldn’t
quite make it to the big-league menu. Best enjoyed tongue in cheek.
Bryce’s Banana Bread
Remember when Bryce, bored during the offseason, took to TikTok to debut his banana bread recipe? Well, someone figured it’d be fun to bring his version of that beloved dessert to the fans at CBP. So they asked him if they could sell it at the park. The next morning, CBP concessions staff arrived to a vanilla-scented ballpark and the sight of a flour-dusted Harper putting the finishing touches on a hundred loaves. Staff quickly clarified that he didn’t have to make the banana bread, he just had to let them put his name on it. But Harper seemed to think his baking abilities were being questioned. He baked two hundred the next day. He was recently photographed in a t-shirt reading “Nothing Easy about this Bake”. He’s somehow started a feud with the ghost of Julia Child. It’s starting to become a bit worrying.
Marsh’s Mallows
The name was ideal. The addition of black licorice strips to represent the beard hairs, less so.
Zach’s Pops:
These fruit-flavored popsicles would’ve relieved overheated fans just like Pop relieves starters. In a better world, a world where middle relievers get their flowers and the chance to have their name on a ballpark concession item, these would’ve made the menu. But we live in a world where the only relievers who get that sort of fame are closers. And speaking of closers…
Fried Durantula
Tarantulas are edible, if you didn’t know. This was supposed to be a fried tarantula, tossed in a spice blend as hot as Jhoan’s four-seamer. The CBP concessions team even had the perfect catchphrase: “The only food as scary as facing our closer”. This one made it pretty close to being announced before someone remembered that concessions are actually supposed to, you know, sell.
Roast Phanatic
Officially, the Phillie Phanatic is a flightless bird from the Galapagos (seriously—check the media guide). So a roasted Cornish game hen is a good substitute. Food dye did the rest. But adults found the green color unappetizing, and children found the whole idea very upsetting. Also, the director of concessions got a cannon-launched hot dog through their office window.
