Writing an exciting introduction for this match report would feel like daylight robbery of our great readership’s time, so instead you’ll just have to read on to enjoy the banter and writing around this dish
water of a game of football. A nice, simple 1-0 win against MK Dons saw us go first in the southern Group D.
I can’t claim to know a huge amount about MK Dons’ squad, but from what the commentator was saying pre-match, it sounded like theirs featured a lot of young players making their debut forays into the first team.
For Reading, the story of the night was Andy Yiadom making an appearance. It seems like Noel Hunt saying a player is “back on the grass” has become almost like when a parent tells their kid a pet has gone on holiday when it’s actually died – it’s almost like it’s to keep us fans content in their time of absence. So it was good to see one of the ‘back on the grassers’ actually on the pitch again.
Reading (4-2-3-1): Stevens; Yiadom, Borgnis, Stickland, Ryan; Rushesha, Spencer; Okine-Peters, Elliott, Lane; Ehibhatiomhan
Subs: Rowley, Ahmed, Duah, Sackey, Kyerewaa, Evans, Patton
The clock struck seven and our final group game of the Papa John’s Participation Prize Cup was underway.
Despite not threatening Connal Trueman’s net in the opening 10 minutes, the Royals started the match as well as we’ve ever done it this season. Ben Elliott was bright and spritely, and flashes of crosses came in from both wingers and full-backs. No chances of note for either side early on though.
To his great credit, Yiadom looked as youthful, pacy and switched on as anyone, especially for a 33-year-old just returning from injury. He played a high line when we were in possession, and was found over the top, beating his man a couple of times.
The right-back went for goal soon after with a ferocious left-footed strike that went straight down the ‘keeper’s throat for our first proper effort.
The game was admittedly quite placid, as was demonstrated when Ben on commentary started gloating about his performance as a Saturday league linesman last weekend, before moments later slandering this match’s refereeing decisions – mistakes that, had he been in the middle, I’m sure we all know would not have been made.
Reading pressed much more cohesively and effectively, with Paddy Lane and Kelvin Ehibhatiomhan winning it back often, yet we failed to connect the dots in attack, which in shown further in the fact that we had 68% of the possession in the opening half hour.
MK Dons came forward, however that only allowed us more attacking opportunities, with Lane and Jeremiah Okine-Peters countering into loads of space but again getting the ball stuck under their feet and failing to produce chances.
As the half went on, it felt like the only noise that might come from the crowd would be snores as both teams did nothing interesting, and even though I was only watching from home, I was very happy to see only two minutes on the fourth official’s board in the hopes that the second half might have more life than the first.
In the final moment of stoppage time, Elliott created the most excitement of the match so far, with a half volley from 25 yards out that was powerfully palmed over the bar before the referee’s whistle came.
Half time: 0-0
Lane and Yiadom made way for Daniel Kyerewaa and Ashqar Ahmed at the break, which were surely pre-planned subs for fitness and injury-prevention reasons.
The second half unfortunately picked up where the first left off: a bit of a bore fest. The Dons looked more than content with keeping the game at a slow tempo and not pushing for attacks while not quite just sitting in, and Reading’s response was less than hurried.
Kyerewaa took advantage of the corner flag keeping the ball on the pitch and pulled it back for Elliott, whose shot from close range spurned over the bar for our best chance of the match.
I’m running out of synonyms for dull at this point, and even messaging in on WhatsApp to our two heroes on commentary asking for some match report inspiration couldn’t spawn any original ways to describe this game.
Just like me, the players on the pitch were running out of ideas as the digital clock ticked on and, all of a sudden, there were only 20 minutes remaining. Kyerewaa provided the only sort of energy with the odd purposeful run at his man and tricky bit of footwork, yet still nothing really happened.
Ben on comms chipped in with some “wit” as he recommended me the phrase “this half has been as flat as a retired wrestler’s muscles” to use in this match report, but I doubt even his top banter could alleviate the expressions of the stony-faced, greying-haired viewers of this simply awful match.
Unbelievably, someone then put the ball in the net, no less the MK Dons net!
A deep free-kick from the right was knocked into the back post and headed back across goal by Jacob Borgnis to Sean Patton, who nodded into the empty net in the 88th minute. The substitute had netted his first goal for the Royals in scrappy fashion, but I doubt he’ll care.
The smile on my face was wiped away when I heard eight minutes of added time, the only silver lining being that the Dons still didn’t look like they wanted to equalise whatsoever. At the other end, Reading continued to be positive, with great work from Elliott to win consecutive corners and keep the ball well away from Jack Stevens’ net.
Finally the full-time whistle blew and my sanity returned. Reading got the job done and saw off the fake Dons, bringing us to six points in the group, but truthfully, both teams deserved zero points from that game.
Not one to live long in the memory. A win is a win though, so onto Exeter on Saturday.
