The Braves have put us, their fans, through the ringer this season. Repeatedly and with impunity. We kicked off with a 7-game losing streak. Then three starting pitchers went down in five days. There was
the 6-run blown lead in the ninth versus the Diamondbacks. That kicked off a run where the Braves had no idea how to close a game for about two weeks. The Braves have suffered nine games where they have lost by more than eight runs. And other games the deficit wasn’t nearly that large, but it felt that way.
Even in a lost season, the Braves always provide something interesting to talk about. I was writing when the Braves went through their mid-2010s rebuild, but there were always green shoots and players to watch. However, I tapped out during the Houston series last weekend. I’m ready to start doing offseason stuff like player reviews and the hot stove and such. So I decided last week to chart a slightly different course.
This is where I would embed a video from Reddit but the CMS or Reddit won’t let me. Enjoy Wiley Ballard eating a hot dog. The TV crew has done an excellent job keeping people engaged and interested. For some people, maybe a little too interested. Any time the Braves were getting killed, especially at home, the game becomes make Wiley Ballard eat something stupid. Or make Wiley hit on Canadian ladies.
I mean, this ain’t baseball, but I love it. This is the kind of entertainment that Chip Caray used to do but without a sideline reporter. Baseball announcers have 500-600 hours to kill over the course of six months and you have to do something. They’re the original podcasters, and I appreciate their work. So with that in mind and the Braves eliminated and all… screw it, I’ma cook some salmon now.
I set out to understand how to cook fish properly last week. I did that because I didn’t really understand how to do it. By the end of last week, I succeeded but I still don’t think I understand. I know what chicken and steak and sausage are supposed to look like when I finish, but I consistently screw up fish. I always think I have it right, then become paranoid that it’s not done correctly. Then I end up stuffing into the microwave. And voila, you have fish-flavored chewing gum. I have had fights with food poisoning before, so I’m super careful. You know how comedians say wives make husbands taste food to see it it’s bad? Doesn’t work that way at my house. I’m constantly handing over food to my wife to have her roll her eyes and say “it’s fine, hon.”
I like salmon. I think it’s healthy and delicious. But I was always worried about messing it up. And I was determined about it. So I’m gonna describe how I overcame my fear of fish. You know how recipes always have 1000 words you have to wade through to get to the recipe? Well, there isn’t a recipe, just words. This ain’t a food blog, although for the next ten minutes, it isn’t 100% about baseball. Although at some point this year, maybe we should have embraced our own Sandra Lee.
The first step was to searching for a few good cuts of salmon. We have a great seafood store here that doubles as a restaurant. And then I realized that it closed at 530pm, which was ten minutes before I left. So I found an upscale grocery store chain, think Whole Foods but one step down. They have always treated me right, especially on crab salad. Well, they were out of that, but there were plenty of salmon waiting for me. After I selected my cuts, I asked the lady helping me how I am cooking this.
350, 375 for 25 minutes.
How would you pan fry these?
I don’t fry ‘em. I bake ‘em. Oh.
Bake them in foil. Take one of these lemons. Slice up some onion. Put some lemon pepper on them.
That sounds easy.
It is easy.
Ok, fair enough. I don’t like to bake in the summertime. It heats up the house, and it’s 94 degrees today. But I’ll risk it one time. I return home to prepare the fish.
The one thing I know about onions is that the more you slice them then the more pungent they are, like the Braves hitting with runners in scoring position for the first two months of the season. For this meal, I make large cuts. These were cut outside. Now to season the fish. I didn’t worry to get lemon pepper, because I assumed we had some. Well, I was wrong. No matter, I had two lemons.
I seasoned this salmon with lemon juice, pepper, coriander, and bonnes herbes, which is a seasoning with chives, dill, basil and others that’s great in omelets. And a lot of salt but not too much. We’re not preparing Mets tears here. How much, I don’t know. Are you really taking notes? I assumed that fish needs a ton of salt, but I didn’t want to make salt the main ingredient. All this on a bed of onions.
I covered the fish with foil and cooked at 375. I checked on it at 20 minutes, then put it back for 8 more. And then:
Here we are. Properly cooked salmon is supposed to be translucent and flaky, like Brian Snitker in a post-game press conference. I didn’t take a picture demonstrating its flakiness, but it worked out. This is plated with orzo with pine nuts, which I did not make but purchased as a side.
I didn’t do something right with the onions here. They were largely a passenger, like Nick Allen in the 8 hole. I’m sure some of you were laughing, knowing that this wouldn’t work out. But I did take the onions along with the lemon juice and added butter and placed back in the oven for 10 minutes. I didn’t take a picture afterward, because they were immediately inhaled.
I give myself a B-minus here. I needed maybe twice as much seasoning on the fish, although it was still quite good. Maybe I need to start the onions in a pan first and transfer to the oven. Or maybe start everything in the pan and transfer to the oven. But my kid ate some salmon, so that’s an enormous win. We told her that pink cats eat pink fish, and that was enough. I’ll definitely make it again over the winter. I don’t typically prepare single meals anymore. Since I became a father, I have mostly been concerned with cooking large quantities that I can reheat during the week. So chili, turkey breast, or chicken breast, typically in a crock pot, forms my weekly subsistence. But like slow bat speeds, that’s no way to live.
Is this entertaining? I started this before the Braves decided to tie up the BABIP gremlin and hide him in a locker for a week. We don’t need comedy relief now. We just watched the Tigers trip all over themselves, and the Nationals are back in town with their crummy bullpen. Maybe I’ll do this again when the Braves need a kick. Wonder what took me so long.
