Dear God, how many B1G West teams can play in one World Cup?
Thus continues my sure-to-be-ill-fated attempt to write Big Ten-centric guides to all 48 teams in the 2026 FIFA Men’s World Cup. If you’d like to know how to watch these games, as well as whether you should watch them, I’ve already covered and solved all the ethical questions you could ever possibly need answered here:
Clearly the answer is “Yes,” otherwise the rest of this dumb series wouldn’t be happening.
Group D: The Basics
The Teams
- United States (17)
- Turkiye (22)
- Australia (27)
- Paraguay (41)
The Games
All times CT, all games on Telemundo
and Peacock in addition to the FOX channel listed.
United States vs. Paraguay
June 12 | 8pm | FOX
SoFi Stadium (Inglewood, CA)
Australia vs. Turkiye
June 13 | 11pm | FS1
BC Place (Vancouver, CA)
United States vs. Australia
June 19 | 2pm | FOX
Lumen Field (Seattle, WA)
Turkiye vs. Paraguay
June 19 | 10pm | FS1
Levi’s Stadium (Santa Clara, CA)
Paraguay vs. Australia
June 25 | 9pm | FS1
Levi’s Stadium
Turkiye vs. United States
June 25 | 9pm | FOX
SoFi Stadium
But who should I root for?
United States
Nickname: USMNT/The Stars and Stripes
How’d they get here? Autobid as hosts
Are they good? no, but let’s pretend they are
Who’s a player I should know? Folarin Balogun (forward) — born in the USA accidentally (his mom was very pregnant and told she could not board a plane for a return trip to London), Balogun opted to play for the U.S. and has been a breath of fresh air up top. Christian Pulisic gets the headlines, but Balogun is a rising star and centerbacks like Chris Richards and midfields like Tyler Adams anchor a defense that has…the occasional question mark.
What’s the best B1G comparative? Honestly, I should feel bad because it’s my second comparison to them in two days…but wisconsin. Walked out of the ocean around 1994, randomly spotty and good with a fat fuck as their coach, but now have brought in a sleeker foreigner and lost their previous “Ah fuck, we’re playing them?” vibes of a two-hour slog in favor of the big-name players.
I’m gonna go take a shower in acid, thanks.
(A note: NU’06er appeared adamant that I compare the USMNT to Northwestern. Privileged, with all the resources needed to compete and no results to show for it, I couldn’t be bothered to write up anything on the ‘Cats.)
How far should they go? There have been no quarterfinals since 2002 and manager Mauricio Pochettino is likely already interviewing for jobs post-World Cup. Half the team is too busy blowing a trumpet and proclaiming a fast—excuse me, wearing their Christianity on their sleeve—to worry outwardly about their shit results in the lead-up to the World Cup. Online Sports Fans—imagine Bluesky, with almost a sense of humor—are alternatingly morose about cheering for the team because of [politics] or publicly disavowing the team and wishing death on their families because of [politics].
Things are great!
Probably win the group or finish runner-up on tiebreakers, then out in the Round of 16.
Paraguay
Nickname: La Albirroja (The White and Red), Los Guaranies (The Guaranies)
How’d they get here? Finished sixth in the CONEMBOL (South American) round-robin of death, the last team to make it—though as part of a four-way tie for third with Colombia, Uruguay, and Brazil, finishing last among those teams on goal differential. Not bad!
Are they good? Not great, but they’re going to make things unpleasant for you.
Who’s a player I should know? Julio Enciso. The 22-year-old forward from Strasbourg in Ligue 1 (that’s France) was in the Premier League at age 18 and has only continued to rise since. The Paraguayan attack runs through him, with Atlanta United and former Newcastle man Miguel Almiron on the left wing.
What’s the best B1G comparative? Paraguay is disciplined—you’re going to run into a 4-4-2 formation, disciplined behind the ball, and intense with defensive midfielders like Andres Cubas—but if you can break them down, they’re not likely to catch up from behind.
Hello, Minnesota.
How far should they go? Much like Minnesota, bowl eligibility would be nice.
Australia
Nickname: The Socceroos
How’d they get here? Runner-up in their AFC qualifying group (Australia moved to the Asian qualifiers a few decades ago), beating eventual winners Japan and only losing once, in a shocker to Bahrain that contributing to, a game later, costing then-coach Graham Arnold his job. They still qualified by a good margin, though only with a +9 goal differential compared to group winner Japan’s +27.
That’ll be a theme here.
Are they good? No.
Who’s a player I should know? Mat Ryan, the goalie. You’ll hear his name a lot.
What’s the best B1G comparative? The Socceroos, under Tony Popovic, deliberately try to play it cagey in the first half, get into a dogfight, and steal some points. Almost inexplicably, they’ve gotten out of the group stage twice in the last five World Cups. You can’t keep making Minnesota jokes, though, and I’m getting more Barry Odom-era Purdue vibes out of this. Grim, but also, stunningly, they weren’t bad that long ago?
How far should they go? If they get out of the group stage, it’s a success.
Turkiye
Why did you go in this order? Absolutely no idea. Back to the format.
Nickname: Ay-Yildizlilar (The Crescent-Stars)
How did they get here? Runner-up in the UEFA group stages, losing only to Spain, they cobbled together 1-0 victories over Romania and Kosovo in the bracketed knockout paths—interestingly (to me?), with 53rd-minute goals in each. So watch out for the Turks in the 53rd minute.
Are they good? Eh. Yes?
Who’s a player I should know? Arda Guler plays for Real Madrid. He’s 21 and looks like he’s 12. Mercurial, talented, must-watch.
What’s the best B1G comparative? We haven’t seen the Turks at the World Cup since a third-place finish in 2002 (though they showed well at the 2024 Euros), and this team could be a contender…or they could be a massive flameout. I’ll call them Lincoln Riley-era USC.
Friday, June 12 Open Thread
Canada vs. Bosnia-Herzegovina
June 12 | 2pm | FOX
BMO Field (Toronto, CA)
United States vs. Paraguay
June 12 | 8pm | FOX
SoFi Stadium (Inglewood, CA)
An open thread, if you choose.
