While the Minnesota Timberwolves are serving fans wins, the players themselves are once again serving face. We’re used to seeing their typical NBA/WNBA pregame tunnel fits, but we’re now seeing it with their accessories on the court. And no, I’m not talking about the awesome ninja-style headbands nor the sporty neck bands which the NBA stupidly banned.
Great job, NBA. Way to continue to censor the best parts of your product.
However on Sunday evening, we had a masked man sub into a NBA game after apparently having his signal lit from atop a metropolis building. No one knew who he was, but word is that GQ magazine has the inside scoop for an exclusive interview with the disguised trendsetter.
It reminded me of the different shrouded soldiers that have paved the way for what we saw.
The Professional
After taking a Muay Thai elbow to the face by Collin Sexton last season, Donte DiVincenzo looked like he was going to be down for the count. Most normal humans would. At the end of a day, it’s just a basketball game. Why risk your literal life for this?
Because you’re a professional.
Big Ragu, his official work alias, doesn’t just “play basketball” when he walks on the court. He’s going to work. And just like if a you’re a construction worker who accidentally catches a 2×4 to the back of your head, you dust it off, make sure you don’t have Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE), put on a hardhat, and finish building that damn house. Within a snap of a finger, Mr. Ragu reentered just seven game minutes after snapping his nose, and snapped on the one item that shows you are here to get the job done: a clear plastic mask with funky cushions.
The power of the no-frills no-gimmicks facemask isn’t just for protection. It’s to show that you’re serious about your craft. DiVincenzo sunk four of his next eight three-pointers after that facial trauma. “Coach, I got this.”
Even former castoff Rob Dillingham rocked this same look a year ago (ironically just before Donte did). It may have been one his most dramatic attempts to impress his head coach for more playing time. It didn’t work, but he did shoot 60% from the field in the two games he wore it! Some say that Shifty Rob would still be playing four minutes a game in garbage time for the 2026-27 Timberwolves had he kept wearing that mask.
The Serial Killer
Many of us know our favorite Russian rookie well. He’s a man of many names. Alexey. Crossover Panda. “The Man Who Changed His Face.” But here’s one name he isn’t as well known by.
The Serial Killer.
It’s not quite the Curtis Perry “Jason Voorhees” look, but damn does this mask not look a little deranged. Isn’t that what makes this look so fascinating? You can’t take your eyes off this surgery-gone-wrong look. Alexey Shved played 10 games with this fit on and sure, the results weren’t great (4-6 record), but he definitely made a statement! It’s proof that no matter how you look, things will always appear cooler when you do it with a mask on. There’s no more proof you need than to see Alexey Shved cook the staunch Grit-n-Grind Grizzlies defense with a spin move!
When it’s all said and done, there’s not many things more horrifying than having to suit up for those early 2010s Minnesota Timberwolves teams. It’s no wonder why poor Alexey looks so terrified!
The Hero
Sleek. Sexy. Mysterious.
The jet black cloak that could only disguise a person that would be better described as Vengeance. Joan Beringer was battered and bloodied by the New Orleans Pelicans, forced from the game after they couldn’t stop his face from leaking. He returned to action less than 48 hours earlier, donning this beautiful look that made Bones Hyland call him a superhero.
In true heroic fashion, his appearance was brief, but effective. “The Lone Beranger” logged just 15 minutes of action against the Utah Jazz, making two of his three field goal attempts to finish with four points, three rebounds, and a block. A +12 isn’t too shabby.
Earlier, we mentioned DiVincenzo as a professional. But what if I told you that one man could wear many masks? That’s right. After one day of wearing the clear fit, Donte went with The Hero look in his next four games. He didn’t say this verbatim, but he most likely accredited his boost in performance to fashion. Donte had back-to-back 20+ points in the dark theme. Both games in the Big Apple, including against the team that gave up on him.
Vengeance.
The Nerd
I just wanted an opportunity to say hello to Kosta Koufos.
Hi!
