We are a week and some change away from the Green Bay Packers’ first game of the 2026 season, and now that roster cutdowns are complete, we finally know what we’re working with as we approach opening day. We’re going to be short and sweet this week, and give you one sentence about each of the Packers’ projected starters.
Offense
QB Jordan Love
That’s my emotional support 2026 MVP candidate.
RB MarShawn Lloyd
Please don’t die.
WR Christian Watson
The leg stays ON in 2026.
WR Jayden Reed
A very small piece of me wishes you were Dontayvion Wicks.
WR Matthew Golden
Wow, I sure am excited for Matthew
Golden’s very first year playing football for the Green Bay Packers!
TE Tucker Kraft
You had me at “I’ll take a drop shot on a 90-year-old, I’m not afraid”.
LT Jordan Morgan
You have been promoted to the new starting tackle with two first names.
LG Aaron Banks
He’s not overpaid, he’s aggressively compensated.
C Sean Rhyan
Drop that curl routine ASAP.
RG Jacob Monk
What the hell, sure.
RT Zach Bako-Bewele
I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT THE NAME CHANGE.
Defense
EDGE Lukas Van Ness
Hercu-PLEASE BE GOOD THIS YEAR.
DT Javon Hargrave
He looked pretty good in training camp, which either bodes well for him or means the offensive line is going to kickstart Sam’s villain origin story this year.
DT Devonte Wyatt
The Packers have actually never been burned after paying a player fresh off an injury, thank you for asking.
EDGE Barryn Sorrell
We’re all rooting for you and your sweet beautiful family.
LB Edgerrin Cooper
“Dat boi fast.” —Tyler Brooke
LB Zaire Franklin
“Thanks for the Culver’s swag.” —Erin
CB Brandon Cisse
You guys are going to be so mad if this name is Carrington Valentine come Week 1.
CB Keisean Nixon
You guys are going to be so mad if this name is still Keisean Nixon come Week 1.
NB Javon Bullard
*furiously googling “how to fight someone else’s bone bruise for them”*
S Xavier McKinney
“Xavier University mascot is the Musketeers…. Xavier “I am a muskateer” McKinney”—Sam’s dad
S Evan Williams
He shares a name with alcohol because it’s what I want to drink when he’s not on the field.
Special Teams
K Trey Smack
You have freed us from the bowels of hell (the city of Green Bay is at risk of burning to the ground if you miss a single kick).
P Daniel Whelan
I am devastated to announce that your reign as the only good special teams player is OVER, bucko.
KR/PR Skyy Moore
The bar is in hell, so just the bare minimum here is fine.
LS Matt Orzech
We’re really glad you’ve healed, but everyone wants the other guy back.
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Some recommendations for one sentence about this article:
“This was so good.”
“They are so funny.”
“Sam and Erin are the duo we didn’t know we needed.”
