It’s once again time for us to take stock of every football team in the Southeastern Conference in but a single sentence. The main theme: we still don’t really know anything about anybody. Except maybe Alabama. But even that’s subject to change.
Alabama: That was easily one of the toughest losses of the Mike Shula era.
Arkansas: A 52-7 win over Alabama A&M doesn’t tell you much, but at least it doesn’t tell you anything particularly bad, which is good news for Sam Pittman.
Auburn: Auburn bros have decided
to take a break from overestimating themselves in order to overestimate Jackson Arnold.
Florida: The Gators scheduled the University of Long Island because the Bronx Basket Weavers College was already booked.
Georgia: A 45-7 win over Marshall doesn’t tell you much, but at least it doesn’t tell you anything bad, which is good news for Gunner Stockton.
Kentucky: A 24-16 win over Toledo is better than a 24-16 loss to Toledo, I guess.
LSU: It turns out allowing Harold Perkins to be Harold Perkins can be both fun and profitable.
Mississippi State: Bye, bye Ms. American Pie, saw Jeff Lebby went to Hattiesburg and just missed getting fried.
Oklahoma: John Mateer’s 392 passing yards against Illinois State were a record for an Oklahoma quarterback in a debut, which isn’t bad even against the Illinois State Redbirds.
Ole Miss: Did what they were supposed to do and as usual that still doesn’t mean they won’t finish 6-2 in the SEC.
Missouri: Other than losing their top backup at quarterback and their starting kicker, the Tigers had a great week.
South Carolina: I’m not entirely certain Southern Carolina is a top 10 team, but I suppose someone has to be.
Tennessee: More like Nico “Iamaleava you in a better shape at the quarterback position than I found you.”
Texas: Perhaps there’s a reason Sark kept trotting an injured Quinn Ewers back out on the field in 2024 after all.
Texas A&M: The Aggies gave up 373 yards of offense including 203 on the ground to the Fightin’ Meep Meeps of UTSA but I’m sure it’s fine and that’s not a thing they should be concerned about.
Vanderbilt: One Pavia brother beat up the Charleston Southern Buccaneers and two more apparently tried to beat up a police officer, so all in all it was a pretty busy weekend.
Go ‘Dawgs!!!
