Today is April 15th, which could be news to some, and the final day to file income taxes so we know how much money we’ll be sending to or receiving from the GUBMINT.
More than likely, the responsible people reading this have already filed, but this is also space for those who aren’t lifting a finger until maybe 7 or 8 PM. However, I hope your situation isn’t a Homer Simpson-level delay:
Even if you have filed, the tips you’ll receive today could come in handy in 2027, assuming we file taxes next year
instead of just writing blank checks to ICE or other assorted dipshittery.
You may also be asking, are these actual tips from Ole Miss coaches? Legally speaking, no, of course not. But for entertainment and who’s to say purposes, absolutely.
So, with that out of the way, let’s get to the income tax-related tips from currently employed Ole Miss coaches across all sports.
Head football coach Pete Golding
“Aight, so, there’s various components to this, right? You got boxes 1a, 1b, 2a, 5a, 7a, and all that bullshit, right? So how do we maximize our time and get the most out of each box? You lock in on the W-2 and match each box to the what? The filing form. Perfect that process.”
Baseball coach Mike Bianco
“The IRS does not allow you to list a pitching coach as a dependent.”
Offensive coordinator John David Baker
“Fun fact: the IRS will allow you to refer to your income as booty, even if you don’t work at East Carolina.”
Women’s basketball coach Yolett McPhee-McCuin
“Charitable donations to Minnesota women’s basketball are allowed.”
Head football coach Pete Golding
“So it’s different in D-II, right? Box 1a ain’t more than 4 or 5 numbers. But whatever your number is, it’s your number, right? So believe in that number and know just as much work goes into that number as a bigger number.”
Men’s basketball coach Chris Beard
“Remember to report all financial settlements with an ex-fiancé whose cooperation with a district attorney over domestic abuse charges could’ve put you in prison.”
Head football coach Pete Golding
“Ball is ball and taxes are taxes no matter where you are.”
Men’s golf coach Chris Malloy
“You want to avoid tax returns with more bogeys than Shane Lowry on Sunday at Augusta.”
Baseball coach Mike Bianco
“When in doubt, just put ‘2022’ in the box.”
Women’s basketball coach Yolett McPhee-McCuin
“The best part about donating to Minnesota women’s basketball is you avoid getting your head kicked in by UCLA.”
Quarterbacks coach Joe Judge
“If you’re ever an employee of the New York Giants, emphasize this to the IRS. They give leniency to people who work for garbage companies.”
Rifle coach Will Shaner
“If you win a national championship, you don’t have to pay income taxes. Or so I heard.”
Assistant rifle coach Katie Tedeschi
“I heard the same. No return, no taxes.”
Baseball coach Mike Bianco
“I can confirm.”
Head football coach Pete Golding
“If your boss insists that Snapchat and Instagram DMs to females still on their parents’ insurance are deductions, don’t fight it. Get out of the way, and let them do their thing.”
