CONTINUATION OF THE “WHAT IF” WOLVES SERIES. IN THIS SERIES, I PLAY THE ROLE OF TIMBERWOLVES OVERLORD AND GO BACK IN TIME AND RIGHT SOME OF THE WRONGS OF OUR FAVORITE FRANCHISE. SINCE THIS IS THE TIMBERWOLVES, THERE ARE A LOT OF WRONGS. THIS SERIES MAY GO ON FOREVER.
“What If” Wolves Volume 5: From no playoff success to title favorites. This one crushed me.
With the addition of LaMelo Ball to the Minnesota Timberwolves, my fandom has gone to another level. A level that I have not experienced since the spring of 2004. Let’s take a trip down the old memory lane for a history lesson on how we could have prevented the biggest heartbreak in my life – well, the biggest heartbreak since I got turned down during the couples skate at CheapSkate way back in the early 90s.
The Timberwolves’ first season started in 1989. They were terrible and didn’t even make the playoffs for their first seven seasons. The Wolves’ best record during this stretch was 29-53. 29-53!
The first playoff appearance for this woeful franchise came at the end of the 1996-97 season. Kevin Garnett would go on to lead the Wolves to seven straight first-round exits. It was painful. Then the magical 2003-04 season happened.
The 2003-04 season was the best time to be a Wolves fan. They finished the season as the best team in the Western Conference with a record of 58-24. KG was named the NBA MVP in a landslide. The roster was much improved with key additions of defensive specialists Trenton Hassell and Ervin Johnson, key bench guys in Fred Hoiberg and Michael Olowakandi, the sharp-shooting Wally Szczerbiak, crazy wing Latrell Sprewell (editor’s note: name your kids after him and they’ll become editors!), and the motor that ran everything, point guard Sam Cassell.
Best record, MVP, solid role players, and Flip Saunders doing some coaching magic on a nightly basis. Rolled through the regular season and marched through the playoffs, this team was destined to raise the Larry O’Brien.
Then, Sam Cassell decided to do a little dance in honor of Perdro Cerano and share with everyone that he had the largest cajónes in the NBA.
Rumor was that the “Big Balls Dance” that Cassell performed led to a hip avulsion fracture. This “fracture,” along with a previous back injury, caused Sam to miss most of the Western Conference Finals versus the Los Angeles Lakers.
Wolves got rinsed 4-2. Title dreams gone. The team would then fall apart, leading to the Wolves missing the playoffs for the next 13 straight seasons.
I was absolutely crushed when the Wolves lost to the Lakers. But I can’t wait for Ant and Melo to lead us to the championship (even though they will win it all this year!), so the “What If” Wolves will right this wrong and take away Cassell’s dancing shoes.
Like the tiny town in Footloose, dancing is hereby outlawed for this franchise.
The real Timberwolves acquired Sam Cassell along with center Ervin Johnson from the Milwaukee Bucks for Anthony Peeler and previous “What If” Wolves subject Joe Smith. Spree was acquired from the Knicks for Terrell Brandon (who would never play ball again due to his knee issues) and Marc Jackson, who would be rerouted to the Philadelphia 76ers. To round out the roster, Trenton Hassell would be signed as a free agent after being waived by the Bulls.
This team was a monster. Nobody could score on this group. KG barked defensive orders, and everyone followed along. Hassell lived up to his defensive stopper moniker. Sprewell flew around the court grabbing steals that lead to vicious breakaway dunks.
Offensively, they were no slouches either. Cassell ran the show, KG hit turnaround jumper after turnaround jumper, and Fred Hoiberg came off the bench with his form-perfect jump shot.
They were top ten in both offense and defensive ratings. Again, this team was a monster.
The regular season was a breeze for this group despite a bunch of injuries to key players in Wally, Troy Hudson, and others. KG finished his MVP year with averages of 24.2 points, 13.9 rebounds, 5 assists, 1.5 steals, and 2.2 blocks. Cassell joined Garnett on the All-Star team. Hoiberg even got some Sixth Man of the Year votes.
Previous Wolves teams would have folded in the playoffs. But something about this group was different. The Wolves made quick work of the Denver Nuggets, beating them in 5 games. Cassell (20.6 pts), Sprewell (19.8 pts), and Garnett (25.8 pts, 14.8 rebs, 7 asts) could not be stopped.
The Wolves finally won a playoff series.
I cannot explain how it felt to finally get a playoff win. It wasn’t excited or joy, mostly just a type of relief.
The second round would turn into one of the greatest series in NBA history (don’t argue with me on this one). The Sacramento Kings were the fourth seed, but they were far better than that number suggested.
The Kings finished with a 55-27 record. A lot of NBA pundits even thought they could win the whole thing as their roster was stacked with All-Stars, an All-Defensive player, and a crazy solid bench. The series would go back and forth leading up to a historic Game 7. Do yourself a favor and go watch this game right now. KG had a career defining game with 32 points, 21 rebounds, 4 steals, and 5 blocks. KG would not be denied in this game. But the Wolves playoff run would be altered in the second game of this series.
With just under 30 seconds left in Game 2, the score is 89-88, Wolves up one. Cassell drives baseline against defensive stalwart Doug Christie, pulls up for his patented mid-range jumper, and nails it.
Wolves go up three with 24 seconds left. Sam Cassell is overjoyed and proceeds to do his dance. Cassell scored 59 points in the first two games against the Kings. After the dance, he averaged just 13.2 points per game, with his lowest total of three coming in Game 5.
Something wasn’t right with Sam. That’s what happened in real life. But we do revisionist history around here with the “What If” Wolves. Here is how it would have gone down if I was in charge.
During the routine physical to complete the trade for Cassell and Johnson, our medical staff discovered that Cassell is running a bit low on testosterone. Now don’t ask me how I know, but increasing your Guy Fuel can have some adverse effects. Cassell was already bald (like me), so no worry about hair loss, but injecting some Power Potion can shrink up your boys (again, don’t ask me how I know this). With Cassell on the gender-affirming treatment to return his testosterone levels to normal, he has been experiencing some shrinkage.
Now, of course, Sam still hits that baseline jumper. But instead of attempting his “big balls dance” and possibly causing an injury, Sam simply high 5’s Ervin Johnson and maybe gets a chest bump from KG. No big balls, no injury. Simple fix.
The players and coaches from this Timberwolves squad were all convinced that they would have beaten the Lakers if Cassell wasn’t hurt and I fully agree. The Wolves beat the Lakers three out of four times during the regular season (all wins were by at least 10 points) and had the size in Johnson and Michael Olowokandi to match up with Shaq, and Hassell could limit Kobe somewhat.
Conversely, there was nobody on the Lakers who could contain KG or Cassell. LA had Karl Malone and Gary Payton on the team, but both were shells of their former selves. When Cassell went down with his injury in real life, the Wolves were forced to play third-string PG Darrick Martin, or play Hoiberg out of position. The Wolves even had KG bring the ball up on occasion, which I am sure wore him down a bit. This was an absolute worst-case scenario for the Wolves, but since we have Cassell juicing, the injury from the “Big Balls Dance” never occurred.
With a healthy Cassell taking pressure off KG, the “What If” Wolves would defeat the Lakers in five games. Shaq would still have a great series against the Wolves, but he would be the lone bright spot for the Lakers. Kobe Bryant would struggle against the Wolves with Hassell and Sprewell hounding him all series long, plus I am sure that his sexual assault case in Colorado at this time would limit his effectiveness (Kobe would score 42 points against the Spurs after spending all day in court). This loss to the Timberwolves would end up being the true reason why the Lakers broke up the combo of Shaq and Kobe.
Lakers destroyed, on to the NBA Finals versus the Detroit Pistons.
The Pistons were a great defensive team (second-best in the NBA), led by Defensive Player of the Year winner Ben Wallace, but they truly lacked firepower offensively (18th).
I don’t want to dwell on this matchup too much because I believe that this series would have been over in five games. Plus, Coach Flip agreed with me. The lack of offense by the Pistons would be highlighted by the Wolves’ defensive game plan. This Wolves team was just too good on both ends to be denied. KG would go on to win Finals MVP, most likely by averaging a triple-double, and the Wolves would win their first NBA Championship.
After winning the first Championship, free agents would see that the Wolves are no longer the dregs of the NBA and start to see Minnesota as a great destination. The Timberwolves go on to win title after title. Sprewell still would leave in the offseason so he could “feed his family”. Cassell finishes his career with the Wolves and takes over as head coach when Flip retires. KG continues to dominate the league, finishes his career in “Minny”, his jersey gets put up in the rafters, and a statue of him dunking on the Kings’ Brad Miller from Game 7 sits outside of Target Center.
Hell, maybe a second statue of him yelling at a teammate gets put up at the practice facility. After all, he is the new owner of the Wolves, so he can do whatever he wants as long as nobody dances.
