What a strange thing, to be a fan. Unseen and unknown by the objects of our affection. Yet it is the collective thrum of our love that lifts a team into the zeitgeist, onto private planes and into the stratosphere of generational wealth.
We love the stars, of course. Your Kevin “KG” Garnetts or Anthony “Ant Man” Edwardses of the world. But fan ardour manifests most purely in the love of the sixth man, the bench warmer, the sidekicks’ sidekick. How many hours have I spent rooting for Nikola “Ricola”
Peković to get a double-double despite the result? Or cheered Jaylen “Wailin’” Nowell despite seven consecutive mid-range misses?
And when that fan favorite is actually good? Watch out. Our love burns like a thousand stars in a microwave set to popcorn. Did you say role players… or role play?
The past few seasons brought a smorgasbord of bench delights for Wolves fans. But with the loss of Naz Reid in the LaMelo Ball trade, we face a devious conundrum. Do we embrace new sixth man Ayo Dosunmu or cling our precious Naz Reid towels tight?
It’s time to use this blog to do what the internet does best: take two things that cause ineffable joy and create a spurious argument between them until everyone who once enjoyed a love for life feels exhausted and ignored.
Who you got Wolves fans? Ayo or Naz?
Three-point impact
Ayo – A classic team building conundrum: what position breaks the most opponent game plans with quality three-point shooting? A stretch big draws the tallest defender out of the paint, opening up a wide variety of cuts and drives to efficient rim shots. A flame throwing guard can pull up in transition, devastate off the dribble, and create something from a whole lot of nothing. Ayo is a great three-point threat, hitting over 40% from deep. He’s gold in the corners, silver from the slot, and, strangely, not so great from the top of the arc. He’s the perfect release valve for our current guard heavy team.
Naz – Naz is an up-and-down three-point shooter. He’s struggling this season (34%). but Wolves fans know he can get hot and there’s no feeling like seeing Naz flick up a lightning quick three and thinking, “Naz is about to go off.” While he’s less efficient, Naz needs to be guarded by a bigger player which opens up the floor. He also has a nifty in-and-out dribble move to counter defenders who get too close.
Winner – Ayo. His 41% three-point shooting is elite.
Coolest name
Honesty did not think there could be a sicker name than “Nazreon,” but “Quamdeen Ayopo” is Ay-dope-o
Winner – Tie (I’m trying to avoid personal bias here. Ayo means “joy” in the Yoruba language; my name means “joy” in Sanskrit)
Rebounding
Ayo – What impresses me most about Ayo is his ability to rebound from the guard position. As a 6’4” perimeter player, most of his rebounds are pure “want-to” boards where he out battles his man for a long rebound off a missed three. With the increased pace and three-point attempts across the association, this skillset/grindset is more valuable than ever. 5.9 rebounds a game is above average for his height and position, though sorely needed for our power forward-starved roster.
Naz – An opponent lofts a floater, but it hits iron. What comes next is one of my favorite tiny scenes in the NBA – Naz unfurls his arm into a nasty rip down rebound. Jaren Jackson Jr. didn’t know a person could try this hard on the glass.
Winner – Naz. Dude is 6’9. He boards like a center (8.9 rebounds a game for Charlotte).
Number of Jeopardy contestants have who have named a cat after them
Ayo – Zero
Naz – One
Winner – Naz. Show us what you know about Lesotho Anji!
Defense
Ayo – Hard-nosed. Stout. Rugged. The Vasco da Gama of screen navigation. I’m always impressed by how hard Ayo is working out there.
Naz – A truly baffling defender. Can hold his own against a bigger player, but is a frequent victim to back cuts. A real coin toss every night if he’s going to impact this side of the court.
Winner – Ayo
Best “cut from my eighth grade team” anecdote of the overlooked
Ayo – Ayo initially declared for the 2020 draft, before returning to the University of Illinois after it became clear he would not get selected in the first round. He then endured four seasons with the “incompetence is different than tanking” Zach Lavine led Chicago Bulls. I attended several games at the United Center post COVID and let me tell you, Ayo was the one bright spot on these terrible teams. If I was traded for Rob Dillingham, I would consider that a slight.
Naz – Before he was Two Words, Naz endured several slights that endeared him to fans. A classic late bloomer, Naz only started playing basketball in eighth grade and went undrafted before Gersson Rosas signed him to a two-way contract in 2019. Over achieving perseverance is the fastest way to a fan’s heart.
Winner – Tie. Playing in the G League and playing alongside Patrick Williams is the same thing.
Best late 90s alternative rock doppelganger
Ayo – Lately I’ve been trying out a version of 311’s Amber for a great Ayo dash to the rim. “Ayo! Amber is the color of his energy.” My family hates this.
Naz – Am I the only person who celebrated a Big Jelly crossover by singing Naz themed lyrics to Everclear’s “Father of mine”? “Naz-er of mine. Oh where have you been…”
Winner – Naz
Best playoff moment
Ayo – Last playoffs against the Denver Nuggets, it looked like the Wolves were cooked despite bringing it to Nikola Jokić and friends for the second playoffs in a row. In game four, our Timbos came out with true heart. Bang: a three from Donte DiVincenzo! Bang: another Donte bomb. Then tragedy. Donte crumpled with a sickening Achilles tear and then Ant went down with a brutal knee injury. Ayo responded. 43 points on perfect five of five from deep. A breathtaking game.
Naz – Sadly, my favorite Naz playoff performance ended in heartbreak. Game two of the 2024 Western Conference Finals. After a discouraging loss to Luka “Thats a Foul!” Dončić in game one, Naz kept the Wolves hanging around by hitting seven threes. But alas his eighth attempt for the win agonizingly rimmed out.
Winner – Ayo
Who does Bones Hyland like playing with more?
Here are two quotes Bones gave Wolves podcaster Dane Moore about each player:
Bones on Ayo:
“Electricity. Electric. Just goin out there and playing with a lot of passion, fun, swag, igniting the crowd. It’s gonna be a lot of fun. Lotta up and down, fast-paced basketball. Like Twin Turbos, for sure.”
Bones on Naz:
“With my speed and my advantage off the pick-and-rolls, it’s either I’m getting downhill or you got a wide open shot, pick-and-pop… It creates a different look from the first unit.”
Winner: Ayo. It’s electric.
And the winner is…
This feels like sacrilege, but pure science doesn’t lie. I guess three words are more than two.
