I posted this tweet a few days ago, but it just didn’t seem like enough to let it go there. There was so much going on I just couldn’t stop breaking it down in my head. I was showing and sending it to friends who thought it was funny, thought it was awful or claimed to come down on the awful side but couldn’t help giggling.
I was assured wasting a whole article on a breakdown was silly as hell, but as I started piecing it out, the laughter kept coming. So because of that and the fact the Huskers have
several days off to heal up and re-hydrate Reink, I’m powering ahead with this labor of love and trusting there’s some like-minded degenerates out there who’ll get a kick out of the good folk of Knott County, Kentucky.
So here’s the video which went viral a little over a week ago – 3.2M views and counting – so you may have seen it. So many thanks to coach Lonnie who, like the broadcasters, sounds completely unsurprised by the events below as evidenced by “Just another wild night in the mountains.”
(Maybe a similar experience of my own as a sophomore in high school made this hit a little closer to home. Let’s just say that on the road with about 7 seconds left to play, the opposition point guard popped our point guard in the cheek two or three times. Then the JV coach lead their bench’s charge to the court as the stands began to empty onto the floor like a toilet flushing as the local cops charged in to restore -)
Well, maybe that’s a story for another time. Check the video and read on:
:01 – The fun starts as one player hits a member of the opposition with blindside sack. Whistles blow repeatedly for about 4 seconds.
And beyond – these referees have called Knott County basketball before and are NOT about to risk bodily harm by helping break up yet another one of these dust-ups. They will do their best to imitate traffic cops by blowing those whistles until their lips blister. They will take about two slow and utterly unsurprised steps each toward the fracas, but keep their distance only raising their arms in a “stay back” gesture they have no intention of enforcing.
They have clearly seen this movie before and these folks can do the breaking it up on their own. It’s easy to picture the stripes walking in the door later, shaking their head and telling the wives, “Same ol’ shit, June, same ol’ shit.”
:04 – “James..James..this- go get Jessie.”
Meet your broadcasters who do not seem too surprised at what’s beginning to unfold. Also, knowing Jesse and James are gonna straighten this out just seems…right.
:12 – “An’ hare we go.”
The initial scuffle has been broken up and things appear to be settling.
And now it’s time to meet Ry.
He has deemed the initial attack completely unsuitable and is storming in to exact his brand of frontier retribution, y’all. He’s grabbing one person while someone else grabs him from behind. That person will not be last to do so. Keep an eye on Ry.
:19 – “Let’s get outta here.”
“Let’s get the ball game-”
“Look here – this ball game has gotta get over.” – Part 1
Things appear to be settling again despite some yowls from the crowd, but, as stated above, keep your eye on Ry.
:23 – We realize Ry is the star of the show.
As everyone mills about amongst the yelling, Ry has escaped. He’s out of view, but you can see where he’s circling the far side of the court and he finally pops out top right hitting the floor. You should know Ry doesn’t stay down.
:27 – “This ball game has gotta get over.” – Part 2
Don’t tell Ry that; he’s back on his feet and determined to see justice done.
:32 – “Yeah! Yeah! Let’s go!! This game’s over! No sense doin’ this, will git somebody hurt bad! (last sentence best attempt at translating country gibberish) This game’s over! (Part 3)”
“You can’t get this.”
“This game’s over!” – Part 4
Broadcaster #1 seems to be cheering it on for a flash, but it becomes apparent he’s cheering for peace. But only one thing will bring peace.
Ry is on full blast but can’t escape the security guard/off-duty cop/both? trying to put a full nelson on him. Since this is not a sanctioned wrestling match, it will be allowed and a point will not be deducted. Meanwhile, his partner is on the center-court side getting ready to signal him to release Ry for their finishing move.
:42 – “And they just tased Ry. This ball game is over. ” – Part 5
And the Emmy moment is here.
First off, there’s the tone of the much calmer Broadcaster #2. One can tell he knows Ry and is completely unfazed. This is not Ry’s first time heading to the court for a mid-game discussion. And very possibly not his first experience riding the lightning. See below.
Cop/Security #1 releases Ry into the right-arm warm almost-half-embrace of Cop/Security #2. With his left arm, #2 jams his taser into the solar plexus of an unsuspecting Ry and, hell yes, you can hear that bad boy crackle in the video (:41 mark in case you missed it). Since this is not the movies or a streaming series, Ry does not fight off the 50,000 volts and beg for more.
He instead does what you almost always see on YouTube or TikTok when a lucky iPhone owner gets a live shot of someone resisting arrest a little too hard – that is, Rye freezes vertically and makes that seemingly slow (but it’s really not) inevitable crash landing. He lifts his head as if to rise back into the fray but then surrenders and returns his forehead to the cool gym floor.
Until maybe three seconds later! Ry rises to all fours, then his knees where he is stayed momentarily by another possible security guy before rising to his feet. Yes, the taser has taken the fight out of Ry for the night – along with the multiple gentlemen surrounding and probably telling him “that’s enough of that shit” while primed to drop him the hard way if he steams up again.
But folks? Ry is walking out of here like a man. And it probably wouldn’t be shocking (rim shot, you’re welcome) to receive only and yet another stern warning from Knott County Athletics about his behavior, I mean, c’mon, can you tone it down, my guy?
:48 – “Woooooo!!!!“
“Woo Hoo Hooooooo!!!!”
(Heard from the crowd immediately after Rye hits hardwood.)
Nobody’s getting tased up in here without hearing the song of our people.
:54 – “Let’s…we’re gonna end our live feed, this game has GOT TO come to an end. Um-” – Part 6
And with a final “um”, this story for the ages has reached it’s conclusion.
