Jokes, I got ‘em, but stop me if you heard this one before:
Q: What does John Cena order at McDonald’s?
A: A “Tappy” Meal.
Get it? Tappy, as in he tapped out to Gunther, plus Happy Meal.
I know, it’s a stretch. After all, the 17-time world title loser loves the McDonald’s Value Menu. Unless he gave up on that, too.
Sometimes, all you can do is laugh to keep from crying, which I’m sure many of you will do as I outline society’s downfall after the man who never gave up finally gave up.
Get your Kleenex ready.
We begin with wrestling super fan Brock Lesnar Guy, who has apparently attended his last live show. In a post on X — one that drew ridicule and threats of violence from AEW World Champ MJF — BLG wrote:
“I need to focus on other things now, which I’ll be sharing with you very soon. But as far as attending wrestling shows… it’s time for me to move on.”
Oh, but the decay of civilization doesn’t end there, friends. Cena’s exit seems to be setting off a ripple effect.
The state of California quit using plastic bags, forcing residents to use — dear God, paper sacks. In the NFL, the Dallas Cowboys threw in the towel on All-Pro cornerback Trevon Diggs. Fortunately, he has since been picked up by the rival Packers — a team that remains optimistic heading into the playoffs despite Cena’s surrender.
Still, it’s madness, I say. Madness.
Now, some readers weren’t thrilled when I criticized Cena’s tap dance at Saturday Night’s Main Event. Well, folks… I told you so. And so, here we are, a world whose New Year’s resolution is to just give up.
Indeed, these are uncertain times, dear readers, but I can promise this: I, Your Noble Scribe, will never give up.
Unless I do. You know — plans change.
