NBA Training Camps and the 2026-27 preseason are just around the corner. It’s high time for forecasts and predictions about the season ahead. The Ringer got into the act today with their annual ranking of all 30 NBA franchises. Portland Trail Blazers fans might be mildly chagrined to know that Michael Pina, the site’s representative, put Portland 21st overall, just below the… wait for it… New Orleans Pelicans.
That’s a little bit like getting ranked just behind Milhouse on the Prom Date List.
Yeah.
Portland resides with New Orleans and the Golden State Warriors in a category Pina calls, “Sad Play-In Hopefuls”. Of the Blazers he says:
Portland’s vibes are giving “tomato sauce–soaked spaghetti sliding down a glass window.” It was building toward something kinda interesting last season. And now … this. Why is Ja Morant on the team, let alone penciled in as an opening-night starter? Who did Scoot Henderson offend, and is it too late for them to accept his apology? When will Deni Avdija—somehow the eighth-highest-paid Blazer—demand a trade? Is 6-foot-7 Toumani Camara the only playable power forward on this entire roster? What does Damian Lillard have left? Will someone rescue Jrue Holiday? Portland has talent, but very little of it makes sense together.
Side Note: What is the function of the tomato sauce in that image? Is it just to evoke the visual of a mess? I think “spaghetti sliding down” would have done it. I’m guessing think the spaghetti was meant to reference throwing spaghetti against a wall to see what sticks, but we’re using a window here? For what? Transparency? Because nothing will stick? If we’re going to go with a pasta theme, I prefer the image of lasagna in a Bingo ball. “B6! N34! Lasagna!” Hmmm…everyone agrees lasagna is pretty good but it just doesn’t fit in this context. Ok, onward.
For reference, the Phoenix Suns are the 19th-ranked team and their category is called, “May Hang a Banner If They Win a Playoff Series”. The Blazers couldn’t even get that much.
Pina’s top three were the San Antonio Spurs, New York Knicks, and Oklahoma City Thunder, in that order.
In any case, how do you feel about the 21st ranking for Portland? And what metaphor would you use to describe the confusing, messy situation Pina is trying to get at? Let us know in the comments section below.
