Let’s Add Another Name to the Wolves Haters Club: Olden Polynice
We’re in that weird NBA purgatory stretch right now — the final days before training camp when there’s no real news, endless “best shape of his life” reports, and whatever random podcast clip finds its way into the discourse. Which brings us to the latest guy boarding the Wolves Hater Express, right alongside Charles Barkley
and Mark Cuban: Olden Polynice.Yes, that Olden Polynice. If you’re under 35, you probably just said, “Who?” A 15-year journeyman big man who once bounced around Seattle, the
Clippers, Detroit, Sacramento, and Utah, Polynice is most famous for… honestly, nothing. His greatest contribution to the NBA might be that he was the draft-day trade bait Chicago used to get Scottie Pippen. That’s his championship résumé.
So naturally, Polynice jumped on Byron Scott’s podcast, Fast Break, and decided to fire shots at the Timberwolves. His take? The Wolves won’t win a title as long as Chris Finch is their coach. Why? Because Finch “doesn’t look like a head coach.”
When asked by Scott whether the Wolves would be able to get over the hump after making back-to-back Western Conference Finals, here is what Polynice had to say:
“As long as Finch is the head coach, nope. I go with the universe, man. There’s certain people, certain looks, there’s certain different combinations of things that tell you if you’re going to make it and win. Finch does not look like a head coach. Just like Thibodeau. Can you imagine him winning a championship? No, it ain’t happening. Finch is not a championship coach. He makes all the wrong moves at all the right times.“
Excuse Me?
I had to rewind the clip three times just to make sure he actually said that. Finch doesn’t look like a head coach? What does that even mean? Last I checked, NBA coaches come in all shapes and sizes. Pat Riley looked like he belonged on Miami Vice. Phil Jackson looked like your high school chemistry teacher who also dabbled in Zen. Popovich looks like he runs a wine bar in Santa Fe. Erik Spoelstra looks like he just left an Apple keynote presentation. There’s no one template for “championship coach.”
But Polynice decided Finch and, for that matter, Tom Thibodeau, don’t “look the part.” Which is an incredible hill to die on, considering both of those coaches booked Conference Finals appearances last season. Polynice lumped them together in the same “doesn’t look like a coach” category, which is confusing since Thibs has the permanent look of a guy who just lost a five-hour battle with his printer, and Finch, on the other hand, has an excellent head of hair.
We should pause to acknowledge the comedy of Polynice critiquing anyone’s coaching résumé. Again, this is a man whose most significant contribution to a championship team was… not being on it. The Bulls didn’t just not need him, they literally traded him away to get the guy who became Michael Jordan’s running mate. That’s your “championship DNA” expert, folks.
The Bigger Picture
Look, I don’t want to spend too much time dunking on Olden Polynice. He’s irrelevant. The podcast he was on is irrelevant. His argument was irrelevant. But this is what happens when it’s September and we’re all waiting for actual basketball. You start getting fired up over nonsense because, well, what else is there?
So fine. Add Polynice to the Wolves Haters Club. Barkley’s in there. Cuban’s in there. TNT’s entire studio crew is in there. I’ll make space for Olden, too, right in the “washed-up former players trying to stay relevant” section. And when Chris Finch, with his glorious mane, eventually hoists a Larry O’Brien Trophy, maybe he can send Polynice a thank-you card. Because sometimes, being doubted is the best fuel of all.
