I know you’ve missed THE AGENDA during its two week hiatus, but your thirst is about to be quenched.
This is a column to check in on the rest of the football world, but since it’s 2025 in America I will
beat you over the head with The Agenda, which in case you’ve forgotten is “Big Ten Superiority Unless It’s Funny.”
THE AGENDA MVP: Illinois Fighting Illini
The #22 Fighting Illini used a 27-point second quarter to put away the plucky Purdue Boilermakers in roughly the same fashion that supposedly-mighty Notre Dame did. The Illini are 5-1 and moved up to #17 in the polls this week, Duke, who they vanquished 45-19, is 3-0 in ACC play. Illinois has made the case that they’re a quality team, and yet the Big Ten is such a deep league that there’s a squad eight touchdowns better than them.
BYE WEEK FOR HYPE PURPOSES
Top-10 undefeateds Oregon and Indiana both had a bye to rest up for their clash in Eugene next week. After blowing the doors off the #9 team in the country, the Hoosiers had an ugly game at Iowa and still came out on top. The Big Ten’s best are so good that even on an off night they find a way to win in adverse circumstances. The Ducks prevailed over Penn State a couple weeks ago in a Top 10 showdown that took until overtime to decide. We may see that matchup again in the playoffs once the Big Ten weeds out the rest of the field.
BRAND NAMES SELL TV RIGHTS
Michigan, Nebraska and Washington all improved to 4-1 and demonstrated that as Prestige Brands, they’re worth even more than their TV rights are currently fetching. All were competitive games, which will happen when you’re part of such a rigorous meat-grinder of a conference.
WARHAWKED
Northwestern gave Louisiana-Monroe only their second loss of this season, crushing the Warhawks 42-7. That’s a team with a win over former top-10 recruit Malachi Nelson, the legendary USC quarterback. But no amount of West Coast finesse can stand up to the might of even a lower-ranked Big Ten team.
ANY GIVEN SATURDAY
In such a deep league, you never know what’s going to happen. #7 Penn State, a sure national title contender in their own right, was unable to overcome the UCLA Bruins and interim coach Tim Skipper. Dialing up some of the Neuheisel magic once used to vanquish the greatest team in Big Ten history (1983 Illinois), UCLA turned to Jerry Neuheisel for play-calling duties. As he guided Nico Iamaleava, a former Tennessee star who found his game was getting too big for the minor leagues in the Southeast, to five touchdowns, he proved that there’s just never a sure thing in the Big Ten when every team is so talented and the schedule is such a relentless gauntlet of future legends. There’s no shame in having lost this one. It just goes to show that even the bottom chunk of Big Ten teams can compete with the best teams in the country on any given Saturday. That’s why the league has produced the last two national champions. Iron sharpens iron.
FRAUD DETECTED
The supposed 9th best team in the country was the Texas Longhorns, who lost to 1-3 Florida and trailed the entire game. Florida QB DJ Lagway had struggled mightily this season until he faced the Texas defense. Meanwhile, generational quarterback prospect Arch Manning threw two picks but got no help from his running game, leading that category with 37 yards. Ohio State is going to start taking some flak for how narrowly they beat the Longhorns from people that don’t understand how close they’re keeping their cards to their chest this year. With an elite defense and a capable run game, the Ohio State passing game doesn’t do any more than it has to do to win games.
The Big 12 devoured itself as Cincinnati knocked off #14 Iowa State. Big Ten castoff Scott Frost has lost his last two after starting another winning streak at UCF. Virginia stole a game against Louisville after cracking the Top 25 due to a transitive win over Alabama and now we have to pretend they’re great. Actually, no we don’t.
RANKING SPANKING
Although Ohio State continues to hold the top spot, the AP poll has Miami at #2. They have three wins over teams that were ranked at the time, but those wins will not age tremendously. Nevertheless, they’ve clinched a playoff berth already since they have no good teams remaining on their schedule.
As is tradition, we have to vault the SEC Flavor of the Week into the top 5. Lane Kiffin has landed Ole Miss at #4 largely by complaining about last year’s playoff committee drawing a hard line at three losses. Outside of the constant pissing and moaning, the Slaveowners’ other resume item is a win over #4 LSU. How did LSU get to be #4? By beating #4 Clemson in Week 1 of course! Clemson has since nearly lost to Troy and actually lost to Georgia Tech and Syracuse. Ole Miss is the beneficiary of SEC poll inertia, where it is assumed that if a highly ranked SEC team loses, they are exactly as good as they seemed before and the team that beat them is elite.
Apparently Auburn is the arbiter of who belongs near the top. Texas A&M and Oklahoma appear to have proven that they are superior to Jackson Arnold and this makes them top-6 teams. Meanwhile, #7 Indiana has a 53-point win against a team that’s actually still in the top 20, but the gulf between their vote total and #6 Oklahoma is massive. The voters really almost put Alabama above them!
Tell me something. If Ole Miss lost at home to Washington State, do you think they’d drop the Slaveowners all the way out of the poll like they did to Penn State?
The country will soon understand the might of the Big Ten. To paraphrase every redpilled SEC burner account, “You are not ready for what is coming.”
WHAT’S AT STAKE NOW
South Florida will look to keep that Customary G5 Team #24 spot warm against North Texas. Ohio State travels to Illinois to see if the industrial might of the state of Ohio can overcome a fat guy and some kids from the cornfields Ohio State looks to defend its crown against the defending Citrus Bowl champs in what’s sure to be a classic duel for the kind of classic rivalry trophy that just means more to kids in this part of the country. Indiana and Oregon play what should be viewed as a playoff preview that’s more likely to actually determine who’s #4 and who’s #23 next week. Meanwhile, nobody involved in #8 Alabama at #14 Missouri will drop out of the top 15.
Many many ranked teams play unranked opponents this week. Let’s just leave it at that and come back here next week.
