When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to throw off the shackles of laziness and write the column you’ve been thinking about for months, you gotta do it. My daughter is 11 and a K-Pop fiend and I was at H-Mart Sunday when one of her favorite songs was playing. I knew every word and the cashier loved it. On my way to the car, I realized that my work for the day was only beginning, as this column needed to escape my fingers. I took Sunday’s lineup who warrant mentioning and came up with
the appropriate K-Pop song my daughter adores for each of ‘em. As she only listens to girl groups, this will consist solely of girl groups. This list is correct and final and beings now.
1. Eric Sogard — “Lemonade,” Aespa
Aespa is a relatively new addition to my daughter’s rotation, which largely revolves around Illit (pronounced “eyelet”) to whom we will get shortly. In fact, this song is the most recent addition to her rotation. Because of/despite being a certain age I generally do not comment on the looks of K-Pop idols, but when L showed me the video I said, “even for K-Pop, these are extraordinary good looking people,” and she agreed. That’s not why it’s Eric Sogard tho. It’s Eric Sogard because it’s about making lemonades out of lemons, or so I imagine, and when Eric Sogard is batting leadoff for your playoff-eligible team in 2026 that’s exactly what you’re doing (complimentary):
2. Ceddanne Rafaela — “Magnetic,” Illit
This is the song I heard in H-Mart, by L’s favorite group, about which she is sort of a hipster but has a point. They have bangers. Their name is an echo of the phrase “I’ll do it” with the “do” take out, hence “eyelet.” This is their most popular song, and it’s about magnetism, like Ceddy to the ball in the outfield. It just works. Both the analogy and the song.
3. Wilyer Abreu — “Iconic by Mistake,” Katseye, Le Sserafim, Illit
The bounces and clutch hit it took for Wilyer Abreu to become who is he to Red Sox Nation is don’t happen for 99 out of the other 100 guys trying to hack it in MLB. If anyone on this team is “iconic by mistake,” it’s him, so he gets this L fever-dream banger from American K-Pop group Katseye, Korea’s Le Sserafim (an anagram of “I’m fearless”) and Illit. And it is a banger, full-stop. He earned it, and they had to come together like a three-headed Voltron to match his status. Everyone wins.
4. Willson Contreras — “Bang,” Ive
There were harder song choices to match to players than this, but as a guy who likes hitting homers and other players in the face, Willson gets “Bang Bang.” Sometimes it do be that simple:
5. Masataka Yoshida — “Jellyous,” Illit
Who wouldn’t be jealous of a fully guaranteed $90 million contract?
6. Caleb Durbin — “Lucky Girl Syndrome,” Illit
At the time of this typing, the Brewers are tied with the Dodgers for the best record in baseball. Until the last coupla months, coming to Boston in the offseason must have felt like a punishment. Now that he’s back in the playoff hunt — thanks not leastwise because of his own work — he’s gotta feel like the luckiest guy in Boston. Certainly luckier than Curtis Mead. Too soon?
7. Andruw Monasterio — “Spaghetti,” Le Sserafim
Literally because his last name sounds Italian. That’s it.
8. Jarren Duran — “Not Cute Anymore,” Illit
The whole image thing went south a few years ago, so this isn’t exactly timely. But it’s still correct. After “Magnetic,” I think this is Illit’s biggest non-partnered song. It’s good!
9. Carlos Narvaez — “Gnarly,” Katseye
The song that started it all for L is by an imposter-ish American K-Pop group that has quite obviously affected recent legitimate K-Pop offerings. The “hyperpop” song about being gnarly is great tho. And catchers are gnarly as hell, by definition. Carlos — you earned this, buddy. Like a bag of Takis, you’re the shit. You were also yeeted from the team between my writing this and publication. Sad!
That’s it for now. 이 블로그는 끝났어.
