Think about it: what’s more like a boy band than a football position group? They rehearse endlessly, wear coordinated outfits, live under a spotlight, and occasionally cry on camera. Swap out the microphones for playbooks and the matching choreography for blocking schemes, and you’ve basically got the same formula.
So, in the spirit of preseason absurdity, here’s the definitive boy band casting of Notre Dame Football.
Author’s Note: I’m pressing pause on my usual Throwback Thursday series until football
season kicks off—don’t worry, they’ll be back in full force once toe meets leather! In the meantime, I’m sharing some lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek posts to help us survive the long, football-less summer stretch.
This series is meant to be fun, satirical, and maybe just a little absurd. Think of it as emotional pre-season conditioning for Irish fans. Please take it with a grain of salt… and maybe a side of stadium nachos.
Quarterbacks = The Frontman
Every boy band has one. Charismatic. Emotional. Stares soulfully into the camera like he’s singing directly to your heart—or in this case, throwing a game-winning fade into the corner of the end zone. May or may not write his own lyrics (play calls). Definitely the one with the best hair. And when the band inevitably breaks up? He never takes the fall. The QB just releases a solo album called Pocket Presence and keeps on trending.
Wide Receivers = The Dance Guy With the Abs
Flashy. Slightly mysterious. Known for dropping jaws in music videos and on deep post routes. He doesn’t need a shirt, but he’ll wear one (sometimes) for the team photo. He’s got the sideline toe-tap equivalent of a backflip, and his fan base is disproportionately active on TikTok. Half the choreography is built around his big moments.
Offensive Line = The Strong, Silent Types
They don’t get many solos, but make no mistake—they’re the ones holding the entire group together. They provide the harmony (protection), the stability (double teams), and the occasional surprise rap verse (a lineman TD reception). Off the field, they’re the most likely to start a cooking show after the reunion tour. Think “Pancakes & Protections”—part Food Network, part behind-the-scenes documentary.
Defensive Backs = The One Who Goes Solo and Then Comes Back
Every band has this guy. Leaves mid-season to “pursue personal development” (a.k.a. transfer portal). Posts cryptic Instagram captions. Realizes he misses the vibes, returns with a heartfelt apology verse, and makes a dramatic interception in his comeback episode. Fans eat it up.
Tight Ends = The Versatile Multi-Instrumentalist Who Does Everything
They do it all. Sing? Yes. Block? Obviously. Hit the high note on the bridge? Every time. They’re basically the glue of the band, switching effortlessly between lead vocals and background harmonies. They’re also the ones most likely to have a surprising side hustle—like producing the next boy band’s album.
Linebackers = The Intense Ballad Guys
Every boy band has a member who belts out the slow, emotional numbers with too much passion. That’s the linebackers. They’re the ones dropping to one knee, pounding their chest, and shouting, “THIS IS FOR THE BROTHERHOOD!” during a dramatic 3rd quarter. They bring the energy, the tears, and occasionally, the unnecessary roughness penalty.
Special Teams = The Guy with the Weird Energy But Cult Following
Nobody fully understands him. He’s quirky. He’s unpredictable. He’s the one who dyes his hair neon green mid-tour or insists on wearing a cape. But then he hits the key change (or a 55-yard field goal), and the whole crowd loses it. He’s the deep-cut fan favorite whose merch sells out instantly, despite limited screen time.
Defensive Line = The Backup Dancers Who Stole the Show
They weren’t supposed to be the stars—but the choreography (pass rush) is just too good. Every sack is like a perfectly timed dance break. Fog machines. Power stances. A little too much Axe Body Spray. Suddenly they’ve gone viral, and the QB frontman looks nervous.
Closing Verse
So whether you’re a fan of the heartthrob QB, the mysterious WR with the abs, or the wholesome long snapper who just wants to provide backup harmonies, remember: Notre Dame’s roster is built to tour, perform, and top the charts.
Coming soon to a stadium near you: Blitzed Hearts & Broken Cover 2. Now streaming exclusively on Peacock.
