The NBA has narrowed down their list of anti-tanking measures to three options.
I think that, unfortunately, this list is too short, and it leaves too many good ideas off the table. Below are some of the ideas that didn’t make the cut…
The Wheel
Proposed by Mike Zarren, the wheel assigns draft picks without regard to record. Instead, the rank order of the picks changes from year to year.
Pros: There’s no point in tanking anymore.
Cons: It will take 32 years to figure out if it works.
The Drop-Dead Date
The lottery seeding is fixed at a certain arbitrary point in time—the All-Star break is often suggested—after this point, further losses don’t improve your odds of getting a top pick.
Pros: It doesn’t matter if you lose games after the drop-dead date.
Cons: It doesn’t matter if you win games after the drop-dead date either.
The Lottery Tournament
Teams will compete to get the most favorable odds in the lottery in a tournament—or the draft order will be fixed by the results of the tournament.
Pros: There’s more basketball to watch and, importantly for the league these days, more basketball to bet on. After expansion, there will be as many teams in the lottery tournament as in the postseason, and this way even players on bad teams can get the chance to play an extended schedule with even more chances to get hurt. Oh wait.
Cons: Does anyone want to see Sacramento hang a banner when they win the lottery tournament?
The Really Complicated Rule System
Under this system, the two-year record of a team is taken into consideration, and a floor will be set, such that no team that wins less than 25 games gets credit for a greater number of losses, and this will be used to determine the odds for a drawing that will assign the first four spots in the draft. The 22 teams in the league with the worst cumulative two-year records will be entered in the drawing.
Pros: It’s complicated!
Cons: The league is actually considering this one.
The Pig in a Poke
The league doesn’t reveal the lottery selection method until the end of the season. Odds could be weighted to favor really bad teams, or they could be even across the board. This takes away a lot of the incentive behind planning to be bad.
Pros: I kind of like this idea.
Cons: Nobody else seems to.
The Big Tumbler Full of Envelopes
A bit of a throwback to the good old days when lottery odds were even across the board, and the drawing was done with plenty of spectacle, instead of taking place in a locked room.
Pros: It’s a great way to get Patrick Ewing, if you’re the Knicks.
Cons: It’s a great way to not get Patrick Ewing, if you’re not the Knicks.
The Trial By Combat
This option would consist of a physical competition that would probably, but not necessarily, be relatively safe. Say an arm-wrestling contest. Teams would nominate a different champion every year who would compete on their behalf. The catch is that the champion has to be employed in a responsible position in the front office, and not with some hokey title like “Assistant General Manager in charge of Arm Wrestling.”
Pros: Who wouldn’t want to watch this?
Cons: I’m not really seeing any
The Hunger Games
It’s sort of like Trial By Combat, but this time the champions for each team are drawn by lot from the team’s fanbase. Of course, fans could also volunteer as tribute, Katniss style, but regardless, the actual competition would be suitably rigorous. Different contests would include “Sitting quietly at the bar while the game is on, after having had a few drinks,” “Ignoring Nick Wright,” “Watching a movie with your significant other while the game is on,” and other feats of endurance designed to test every fan’s stamina.
Pros: Who wouldn’t want to represent the Boston Celtics and bring home the top draft pick?
Cons: The movies and books weren’t that great.
The Ouija Board
Pretty much what the name suggests. Designated league representatives would consult a Ouija board to determine the draft order.
Pros: It’s completely impartial
Cons: Or is it?
The Vote
Each team would vote on which team should get the top pick. The catch, obviously, is that no team can vote for itself. Teams can’t trade votes, or agree to support each other in different years.
Pros: Complete and utter chaos
Cons: None—except for the chaos.
The Roulette Wheel
The league might as well go all-in on gambling and set the draft order this way as well. I mean, it’s already called a lottery… But why not just put team reps around a roulette wheel and whoever’s luckiest over the course of, oh, say, an hour, gets the top pick.
Pros: It’s gambling, so it’s got to be good
Cons: What if all this gambling isn’t good?
The Carnival Midway
When the draft rolls around, the players eligible for it are awarded as prizes for winning various games on a carnival midway. Want Keaton Wagler? You’d best be prepared to peg five tin ducks with a suspiciously inaccurate BB gun.
Pros: This rectifies the longstanding shortage of cotton candy and funnel cake at the NBA draft
Cons: The Kings might get mixed up and end up drafting an oversized teddy bear by mistake.
The High School Essay Contest
General managers from each team would be required to submit an essay to the league saying why they should get the top pick that year. The team with the best essay would get the top pick.
Pros: It’s better than the current system, which is “my team deserves the top pick because we are terrible.”
Cons: There’s a risk that some GMs are illiterate.
