In this final week of preseason drudgery, the college football content gods smiled upon us and delivered another layer to Lane Kiffin’s departure from Ole Miss in November.
On the Assorted Crackers Podcast (lmao, elite name) last week, Walker Jones recounted what it was like inside the Manning Center in the immediate hours and days after Kiffin took the LSU job. Jones, who the executive director of the Grove Collective (Ole Miss’ NIL program), dropped this previously unknown piece of information:
We actually had the FBI come through and walk the building for bugs and for everything because, yeah, we kinda knew what was in Baton Rouge, and we knew how they operated.
Predictably, his comment attracted attention over the last five days and led to rampant speculation (as if there is any other kind) and intrigue of the highest order.
This combination of speculation and intrigue is why we’re here today in an effort to get the details accurately sorted and explained. So let’s dig in to CBS’ hottest new fall show, FBI: Manning Center.
When Jones says “FBI,” he’s talking about the actual FBI and not someone wearing a Female Body Inspector t-shirt they sell at Alvin’s Island or wherever?
Yes, he’s talking about the actual Federal Bureau of Investigation in Washington, D.C. Although, to be fair, the weirdo currently in charge of the FBI likely owns three or four Female Body Inspector shirts.
So Ole Miss thought there was a chance Kiffin and potentially others planted listening devices inside the Manning Center?
Correct. After spending 6 years around him and covering for him, their read of his behavior was anything is possible.
Is Kiffin or anyone who left with him a master of espionage?
That is unclear. Most likely not, but that’s EXACTLY WHAT A MASTER OF ESPIONAGE WANTS YOU TO THINK.
I mean, this all seems kind of paranoid, right?
OH, GRASSHOPPER. This is high-level college football in the most insane conference on Earth. Everyone is paranoid 24/7/365. And they’re not crazy for being that paranoid!
For example, Jones said in that interview that he even looked under his desk for any bugs, and I was like, smart decision. No one planting a bug is going to have enough time to embed it in the desk. They’re just going to slap it under the top and hope you don’t look.
Okay, going back to the FBI, did a special task force chopper in or roll up in the dark SUVs like in the movies or on TV?
Welllllllll, it wasn’t so much of a task force as it was “we know a guy.” When Pete Golding was asked about it on Monday, it was clear the story genuinely amused him, and he said:
Any kind of bowl game, playoff system, obviously you’re gonna up security. I’m not sure that there was a hiring process of here we go with the FBI. I do think we have a current player whose dad just so happens to work for the FBI that lives in town that from that standpoint. There was no measure to go, oh my gosh, here come in from that standpoint.
But, no, obviously any time you get in that playoff system and you had guys from this building go to other places, you want to make sure it’s secure for your players. Nothing from our standpoint, but the video access and everything else and all those things you’re doing regardless where you’re at.
That’s no different when you know in the semis and quarters regardless where you’re at for the hotels that you’re staying in. Like you’ve gotta up the security, people are in and out, and you’re sweeping trash cans. I mean, that’s been done for the history of ball.
So, no, there was no hiring process of, hey, let’s get the FBI in here. Holy cow, they start looking around. No, it wasn’t anything like that.
That’s a long way of saying, Ole Miss didn’t place a call to a task force at Quantico, but the Team Dad Task Force maybe rolled up in a dark SUV and some degree of a security evaluation took place.
Golding was obviously trying to downplay whatever happened, which is EXACTLY WHAT COUNTERINTELLIGENCE MASTERS WANT ENEMY SPIES TO THINK.
Feeding disinformation to a discovered bug is the pro move.
By chance, did Golding do an impression of FBI agents looking around the Manning Center?
Indeed he did:
Based on the movies and TV shows I’ve watched that involve the FBI, 10/10, no notes.
With Jones’ bugs comments and Golding alluding to protecting video access, what else could the Team Dad Task Force have checked?
I assume they conducted an inventory review on any equipment like tablets, laptops, phones, burner phones, double-secret burner phones, hard drives, and any other electronics that could have valuable or sensitive information. Making sure those were accounted for and no one walked off with anything.
They probably also did a similar check of binders, other printed materials, and random things that are the property of the University of Mississippi. And of course, they had to sweep the closets to make sure Kiffin’s didn’t forget about a young lady friend he told to hide in there until the coast was clear.
In review, it makes for good podcast story, but it probably wasn’t that dramatic. Like people weren’t setting up perimeters and swarming the Manning Center, right?
Who’s to say?
Team Dad Task Force may have decided it was time to showcase the skills they rarely get to use in Oxford. But you better believe Team Dad Task Force broke out the gadgets for the sweep/security check/inventory review. GADGETS AHOY.
And they absolutely explained each gadget in painstaking detail to anyone who happened to be within 25 yards.
