Danhausen is 2026’s best wrestler so far

The other day, while I was working in my office, I heard a familiar voice on TV. It couldn’t have been who I thought, because my wife was the one watching, and she never watches wrestling unless I have it on.

Sure enough, she was, and the voice was who I suspected.

“Is that Danhausen?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said, laughing.

“Wait, you’re watching Danhausen?”

“Yes, he’s at WWE’s office

. You should see this.”

“And you like this?”

“Yeah, he’s entertaining.”

My mind was blown. Danhausen is over with Mrs. G0MEZ,

whose tolerance for silliness in wrestling is lower than mine.

It’s hard to believe that the same guy whose WWE debut at Elimination Chamber was about as well-received as a fart in church is now a lovable, popular member of the main roster in such a short time.

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As I shared my astonishment with my Cageside colleagues, it made me think: if this were the end of the year, Danhausen would be my pick for Wrestler of the Year.

Of course, we’re barely past the first quarter. Still, I’ve seen enough to declare Danhausen my choice as the Wrestler of the Quarter Year. Look at the facts:

• He overcame a critically panned debut within 48 hours, poking fun at his debut and cursing Judgment Day.
• Has arenas chanting and finishing his catchphrase, “You. Are. Cursed.”
• Is selling merch like hotcakes on a cold Sunday morning.
• Hasn’t done one dive or taken a single bump.

That last one might eventually bother his coworkers, who risk their lives in the ring. At some point, they may come to resent the mystical troll, who, professionally, is a wrestler. 

I’m sure that day’s coming soon enough. When it does, it will likely be a safe but entertaining showcase. Until then, he’s making bank for himself and his bosses, all without breaking a bone or a sweat because he relies on the one thing that matters most in pro wrestling: character work.

If I could be any wrestler in the world, I’d be Roman Reigns. But if that top spot was taken, I’d choose Danhausen.

Very nice. Very evil. 

More so, very smart.