Hey, we’ve all been there, right? You’re super bummed your favorite stadium is being torn down. You want something to remember it by. You have $5,000 burning a hole in your pocket. Yes, $5,000. You’ve done something I’m sure we’ve all done before. Purchased a urinal trough. But now you’re faced with the question that mankind has grappled with since the dawn of time:
What am I going to do with my urinal trough? You’re in luck!
Skarekrow’s Urinal Trough Guide to Home Improvement
I’d like to think I’m a creative guy and you’ve got quite the conundrum to work
out. You have a shiny-ish urinal trough that’s going to take up a solid eight feet of space. Let’s figure it out together.
Well, turns out I do need to pee
Yeah, why not? Just hook it up to your water and sewer and let it continue to live the life it was always meant for. Urine collection. I don’t know about your bathroom, but an eight-foot trough is going to dominate the space but man, oh man, what a stylish way to show off to your guests that you’re ready for whatever their bladder has in store. Feel free to highlight this feature elbow to elbow with 6 – 7 of your closest friends. Maybe a full dozen if you’ve been drinking and personal space is not remotely on your mind.
Don’t forget a P- or S- trap. Seriously. Just don’t.
Bird Bath
Maybe you don’t want your urinal trough confined inside a small room anymore. It deserves it’s hard-fought freedom and a little time in the sun. Let it become one with nature as an iconic bird bath. The high back is perfect to hang some feeders to draw in more little feathered friends. Imagine their delight as they splishy splashy in such a storied liquid receptacle.
Flower planter
I really like your point about nature Skare, but I’m really more of a friend of pollinators. What can I do to attract bees and the like? Easy! Toss in some soil and get ready for eight feet of the flowers of your choice. Or maybe you’re angling to make your own hot sauce to make the wing recipe of your dreams. Could there be any more “Buffalo” place to grow hot peppers than one of these? I doubt it.
BONUS: There’s gotta be like, a century’s worth of nitrogen embedded in these things to help your plants grow.
Time for the upside down
Flip this bad boy upside down, weld a couple legs on the lip of the urinal and you’ve got yourself an Art Deco entertainment stand! Tuck a sound bar on the inside of it and let it resonate in stainless steel glory. You’ll have the #1 piece of furniture in your neighborhood.
Various beverage and food functions
- Having a party? Who wouldn’t want an eight-foot cooler? Trust a guy whose used one of these in their original state, they’re used to ice. When the stains turn yellow, you know your beer is cold!
- Wine rack/liquor cabinet. If there’s a spill, it’s no fuss cleanup.
- Punch bowl! I did the math. I literally did the math. This should hold approximately 130 gallons of your favorite beverage. You’ll be able to drink for days. And vomit for weeks!
- Banana split – Challenge level! It’d be like one of those food challenge, extreme eats shows. Round up your whole gang to take on this massive, tasty treat. Would it be the first time it held hot fudge? Probably not.
- Grill! We’ve got Ford Pintos, filing cabinets, and more making food on game days. Why not be the tailgater known for cooking on the urinal? You could likely get half a dozen large pots of split-pea soup going at once if you do it right.
Phone booth
I was recently shopping with my daughter and saw so many styles from the 90s that re back. Honest to God, I saw jean shorts with the Tasmanian Devil embroidered on them. That must mean there’ll be some nostalgia for older tech. Stand this upright, install a phone and you’re in business.
Funhouse mirror
Just polish it up real good, and let the natural curvature do the work. If you’re no longer able to look at yourself with a straight face after spending five grand on a pee catcher, this solution might just be what you need.
Wishing pond
It holds water (or other liquids). It’s pretty spacious. Why not fill it up and let people toss coins in it? You can donate to charity or over time make your money back on this purchase. If you billieve in psychic phenomenon then these things have just got to be chock full of latent energy to exploit for the purposes of a bona fide wishing pond.
Coffin for really skinny people
You’ve invested a ton of time and love into your urinal trough and you just can’t let it go. If you happen to be Slenderman, you can take it with you (they’re 18” wide). The official Buffalo Bills urinal trough from Highmark Stadium v. 1.0 is easily converted into a receptable for your earthly remains. The smell might be enough to raise the dead, so it’s basically like investing in a bonus life.
I could go on and on with these which says a lot about me, and not necessarily anything all that positive. It’s time for me to wrap it up and leave other ideas to you, the dear reader. As of now, you’re in control.
