I don’t even want to be around anymore. The Ducks came into Iowa City and sucked the life force out of my body. The dropoff from pure euphoria to indescribable pain is an experience I do not recommend.
Week twelve brings Iowa another great opportunity, with a chance at snapping its skid against top 25 opponents. The Hawkeyes find themselves in the game of the week once again for the Big Ten. The week 12 slate is pitiful when compared to others in the league. The conference is missing the marquee matchups that the SEC has on a weekly basis.
Here’s every Big Ten squad’s landing spot after eleven weeks of play.
1: Ohio State
9-0, Vs UCLA
Another week is one more week of the Buckeyes steamrolling through the Big Ten. Ohio State took down Purdue easily, 34-10, on Saturday. The Buckeyes should feel bored at this point in the season. The anticipation of The Game has to be the only thing keeping the scarlet and gray interested in the season.
2: Indiana
10-0, Vs Wisconsin
The Hoosier escaped Beaver Stadium by a whisker, winning 27-24 thanks to a late fourth-quarter score from Elijah Surrat. Saturday was the first real close contest Indiana has had all year. Fernando Mendoza had a subpar performance until the last drive of the game. The Hoosiers have the pixie dust in 2025. Even on their worst day, Cignetti and his men come away with a tough road win. The game-winning drive may have been Mendoza’s Heisman moment if he could outlast Julian Sayin.
3: Oregon
8-1, @ Minnesota
I prefer not ever having to think about last weekend’s game ever again. My heart getting physically ripped out of my chest wouldn’t have been as painful as what I felt watching Dante Moore dot one down the sideline with under 30 seconds left. The Ducks came in prepared for Iowa football and did their best impression for 60 minutes. Oregon is an uber-talented squad, and if Dan Lanning keeps coaching like he did Saturday, there’s no reason they should lose again. Good riddance, Oregon.
4: USC
7-2, Vs Iowa
The Trojans pulled away from the Wildcats last Friday, winning 38-17. USC had 482 yards of total offense and forced two Northwestern turnovers. When Lincoln Riley has his teams playing that style of football, it becomes tough to beat. The Trojans are playing their best football in November, with the chance to control their own destiny. Oregon and Iowa still stand in the way of USC’s potential playoff birth. Unfortunately for the Hawks, the Trojans should run circles around them in sunny Los Angeles.
5: Michigan
7-2, @ Northwestern
The Wolverines have sneakily improved to 7-2 on the season. I would cut off my pinky toe to get the Big Ten schedule that Michigan has. The conclusion I have come to about the wolverines is that they play to their competition more than anyone in the conference. There is nothing to be judged until they slip up or come across another excellent team. Michigan isn’t going to see a challenge this week against the Wildcats. The Wolverines will improve to 8-2 on the season.
6: Iowa
6-3, @ USC
I feel like a dog chasing the mail truck. The feeling of the chase is unmatched. The feeling of the truck pulling away every time is disheartening. Recently, the Hawks have been on the losing end of the patented slugfest. I have been so accustomed to winning tight games that losing three straight has felt like a bizarre world. The Ferentz/Kinnick magic has worn out. That thought makes me really sad, considering this team is one of the best we’ve had in a while. I’m proud of the Hawks for their performance, but it’s becoming increasingly complex to swallow these losses.
7: Illinois
6-3, Vs Maryland
Illinois is a good football team. They’ve gotten totally lost in the shuffle of the Big Ten. Their playoff hopes are dead, but they still have a chance to win nine games this season. Unfortunately for the football team, I’m sure most Illini fans have already moved on to the basketball team. Illinois football deserves a little more respect, despite falling short of its lofty preseason goals.
8: Nebraska
7-3, BYE WEEK
The Huskers are a better team when freshman quarterback TJ Lateef is running the offense. I hate to do it to Raiola, but Lateef looked outstanding. His athleticism allowed Nebraska to run a more creative offense against UCLA. Raiola should feel his butt slowly warm up on the sidelines. Lateef is officially on my radar for the Hawks matchup in the last game of the season.
9: Penn State
3-6, @ Michigan State
Penn State is the best 3-win football team of all time. The Nittany Lions took the Hoosiers deep into the fourth quarter, ultimately surrendering a late touchdown to lose the game. If Penn State were a pro team, I would be ecstatic about how their year is going. The team looks incredible, but is still working to secure the best possible draft choice. ESPN (Booooo) has them in their top 25 for their power index. The Nittany Lions’ reign as the best 3-win team ever will be coming to an end soon, as they are going to squish the Spartans this weekend.
10: Washington
6-3, Vs Purdue
Outside of Seattle, the Huskies are horrendous. I have no respect for a team that manages to lose to the saddest team in the conference. I don’t care that you had a long flight; Wisconsin is a horrible team this year. The vibes are bizarre with Washington this year. I’ve seen some speculative reports suggesting that Jedd Fisch is unhappy in Seattle. Whether or not those are true, the Huskies have been disappointing.
11: Minnesota
6-3, Vs Oregon
The Gophers keep trucking along in the Big Ten. Sometimes I wish I had more tempered expectations and could be happy with having a team like the Minnesota Vikings. One of my best friends is a Gopher fan and thoroughly enjoys the ride. I’m envious of that attitude toward a football program. Minnesota is going to lose this weekend, but I don’t see their fans being too beat up about it. They’re lucky.
12: Northwestern
5-4, Vs Michigan
The Cats showed some fight in the first half against the Trojans, but had no business doing so. Northwestern has to focus on keeping its head man, David Braun. Other programs around the country may start calling Braun about a potential upward move. The job he has done turning chicken shit into chicken salad has been remarkable. Northwestern fans should throw the kitchen sink at Braun to try and get him to stay.
13: UCLA
3-6 @ Ohio State
The fairy dust has faded away, but it isn’t totally gone yet. Early-season UCLA wouldn’t have been within a score of Nebraska. The Bruins’ only hope for the year is to play spoiler to the big boys of the Big Ten. The Buckeyes seem untouchable, but USC may be in for a treat at the end of the season.
14: Wisconsin
3-6, Vs Indiana
Luke Fickell finally decided to ditch T.E.A.M. this past week, and it paid off handsomely. The Badger defense played great on Saturday, holding the Huskies to 10 points. It was a nice win for Wisconsin, but storming the field is preposterous. Badger football is still a sad state of affairs, but they should relish their “big” win.
15: Rutgers
5-5, BYE WEEK
[Inarticulate Italian noises]
16: Maryland
4-5, @ Illinois
The Terrapins football program needs a change. Maryland dropped last week’s game against Rutgers, 35-20. Football is an afterthought, and the fanbase doesn’t care about improving the team at all. You should shut down the program; nobody would even notice.
17: Michigan State
3-6, Vs Penn State
Having Tom Izzo should ease the pain of another missed opportunity for a head coach of the football team. Spartan fans have to get into the Izzone and soak it all up before he rides off into the sunset.
18: Purdue
2-8, @ Washington
The Boilermakers should be pumped for hoops in 2025-2026. Purdue has had some outstanding teams the past couple of years, but this one is different. Two all-Americans return with a singular goal of winning a national title on their minds. Forget about football, the road to March starts right now.
