SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: THIS GAME AND ALL ITS PREDECESSORS ARE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. THE BEST TIME TO STOP WATCHING SEAHAWKS-CARDINALS WAS YESTERDAY, AND THE SECOND-BEST TIME IS NOW.
The Seattle
Seahawks and the Arizona Cardinals. What do they have against us? If you’re a neutral observer, this game took hours off your life. If you’re a casual fan of either team, weeks, maybe months. Could be years, if you’re the kind of deranged idiot up reading this column first thing on a sunny fall morning.
Seattle’s win, its eighth consecutive over Arizona, should’ve been easier, because it felt cushy and predictable for three quarters, featuring stop after resounding stop of a timid offense. Large men in tortilla-ass uniforms were muzzled snap after snap by a marauding defense that looked fresher than the calendar would suggest.
But nothing’s ever been easy in Glendale. Sure, there are hiccups of pleasantry and gratification, but the ghosts of [gestures at everything since February 2015] stand ready to jump scare Seahawks fans at any second, flipping treat to trick at the most unsuspecting time.
Yes it’s Halloween already. Doesn’t it seem like the 2025 Hawks are setting us up for a spooky season? Great opportunity to get your decorations up this weekend, too, because you won’t have to mainline the game thread between 1:00 and 5:00 p.m. Aside: is there anything better than watching a full slate of Sunday games with a Thursday win in the bag?
Back to how that sense of false security. At 7-3, after A.J. Barner jogged into the end zone, Seattle felt more in control than the score indicated. A touchdown looked impossible for the Arizona offense. The field might as well have been 200 yards long. Kyler Murrary got the jitters and started throwing picks. At 17-6, the Seahawks threatened us with a good time, teasing us into believing they’d gift us another tidy, stress-free evening. At 20-6, the lead felt insurmountable; settling for a Jason Myers FG at 7:03 seemed a pesky footnote to one more romp. Much like Week 3, when the Hawks cannonized the Saints 44-13. (Spelling is correct.)
The Seahawks defensive line lived in Murray’s back yard for the first three quarters, ignoring the Cardinals’ excuse for pass pro to stack up six sacks and force a dozen rushed throws. Murray aimed one pass directly into Coby Bryant’s hands (Author’s note: we should’ve known when he fumbled the return) and another caromed off fingerless Marvin Harrison to the soft paws of Ernest Jones IV, who now has two takeaways in four games. Julian Love overran another sure interception and had it bounce off his arm.
The first 90 percent of game play was a total mismatch, objectively. On their first nine defensive drives, the Seahawks allowed a total of 138 yards and ten first downs, two by penalty. Of Arizona’s first 40 plays, the longest went for 17 yards.
It was a beakdown.
Resorting to trickery did the Cards no good. This flea squirrel-flicker was dead on arrival, courtesy of a well-timed double corner blitz that saw Josh Jobe end up in the sack column. All those words are accurate and in the right sequence. Welcome to the new age of defense.
“Squirrel-flicker” comes with a hat-tip to the immortal Carlos Dunlap, of course.
More? Don’t mind if I do. No chance of jinx anymore, with the win secured. Cards were 3 of 11 on third down on the first three quarters. The eleventh attempt, a pre-doomed 3rd and 17 screen, brought up faint echoes of Kellen Moore and the Saints abandoning hope four days earlier. Jonathan Gannon hadn’t quite given up all the way, but he didn’t have any answers for Mike Macdonald either.
Until that first touchdown drive, midway through the fourth. Murray saved three going-nowhere plays with a 29-yard Family Circus scramble, and the faintest bit of ugly Cardinals hope crowned. Trey McBride on a crosser for nine, Benson up the middle for six, and a well-deserved Riq Woolen DPI flag had the hosts in business. Other penalties might’ve been sus, but this one was legit. Woolen was being sloppy with the hands and his head. I know, because I watched the replay a few times, mostly in quiet exasperation, the kind any parent will recognize on sight.
Two plays later Marvin Harrison high-pointed one over Devon Witherspoon, giving the Seahawks their mission, should they choose to accept it: go get a field goal to ice it. They did not choose to accept it.
We can bemoan the unfortunate timing of Jason Myers’ second miss of the season. We can! In my home we did exactly that! And I am not the boss of you! I am barely the boss of me! But the harsh reality is the Seahawks had been tithing points to the Cardinals every other possession:
A) Kenneth Walker’s ill-advised personal foul that took Seattle out of FG range
B) Woolen’s facemask that put Arizona in the red zone
C) Bryant’s fumble at midfield, a fluke to be sure but ball security matters
D) Jaxon Smith-Njigba’s unfortunate holding call that negated a Zach Charbonnet dagger-teeder.
Of course, JSN disagreed. (Sound on.)
But I digress. Myers did miss, the Cardinals did convert on a short field, they did tie the game, they did raise the specter of overtime, but what they didn’t do mattered almost as much: they eschewed a chance to take the lead outright and perhaps win via a two-point conversion.
When a team’s fans rejoice at a decision your coach made, your coach made the wrong decision. Like the baseball manager who pulls his starter after 5 2/3 innings, to the great relief of his opposition, so it is across many sports. Gannon sent out the kicking team and I almost hit the ceiling. Maybe don’t make the move your adversary begs you to make, you know?
All that was left to play out now seems pre-ordained: a kickoff flub sent the Seahawks straight to the 40. Darnold made a wise and quick throwaway. (An underappreciated play.) Then, JSN doing JSN things.
Official review confirmed he landed on the white first. Timeout preserved. Charbonnet turned nothing into four yards out of sheer will, the clock ran to :03, Myers wobbled the game-winning kick just inside the right upright for some redemption, and the universe was in proper alignment again, in one aspect at least — Seahawks-Cardinals games. Eight in a row, baby.
Before Predator/Prey, one final bow on the recap itself. Is there any other opponent, in any other stadium, where you’d see the Seahawks score minus-3 points off turnovers? That shouldn’t be possible. Except in Glendale.
PREDATOR
Charles Cross for his body of work thus far, sure, but mainly for this specific play where he makes the difference between a third down conversion and a fourth down decision. Probably intellectually dishonest to say his timely push cancels the Walker taunting penalty from a points perspective, but it potentially did.
Jaxon Smith-Njigba. Obviously he’s been preying on cornerbacks all season so it’s time to make it official. Four reasons today. 1) the effort to get out of bounds on the final mini-drive plus 2) two explosives plus 3) the connection with Darnold growing quarter by quarter, topped off with 4) this sick move:
Per Mina Kimes of ESPN, the Seattle WR1 leads the NFL in yards per route run.
Fine, I’ll say it: Sam Darnold. The fumble luck was fortunate today but everything else about him screams “professional.” Nine yards per attempt, took exactly one bad sack, found eight different receivers, f—kin’ scrambled for 24 yards while Seattle was trying to salt the game away, and knew exactly what to do versus this late blitz.
How many times have we watched a Seahawks quarterback-receiver duo not named Wilson and Lockett screw up this basic blitz-breaking timing toss?
Darnold was borderline excellent picking on the Cardinals’ backup secondary. As a confirmed hater of good results, it gives me zero pleasure to report that he is likely a good fit for this offense and that the Seahawks might well make the playoffs and win a game there with him at the helm. Disgusting. Revolting.
Darnold may also be proving the truism that it’s way easier to follow the guy who follows the guy than to be the guy who follows the guy.
Road Seahawks, in general. Eight straight wins away from Lumen. Who wants to see Seattle on their home schedule? Nobody, that’s who.
NOT PREY
Mike Macdonald went for 4th and one from midfield on the game’s first possession. His team failed. So what? He proved isn’t afraid. He may need some coaxing to become a true fourth-down apex predator a la Dan Campbell, but it’s nice to have a coach who isn’t prey.
PREY
I’m not eager to officially put Riq Woolen here but I’m not going to not put him here after this showing. Didn’t turn around and got handsy on the last play before Arizona’s first TD. Murray and Xavier Weaver were counting on that. They picked on him down the sideline for a reason. After all, there had been another key DPI earlier, plus that facemask flag that helped Arizona into field goal range. Altogether not a great set of signs for Woolen’s future in Seattle, although he wouldn’t be the first player to wake up after hitting the snooze bar for a month.
The entire Cardinals offensive line could handle the truth as delivered by Jack Nicholson far better than they handled the Seahawks d-line Thursday. Uchenna Nwosu had two sacks, Big Cat 1.5, the team tallied five TFLs and seven hits on Murray. Who was running for his life all night, even on the final two TD drives.
Seahawks OL when run blocking specifically, in must-deliver moments specifically. Couldn’t get the 4th and 1 at midfield on the opening possession. Couldn’t get any push or yardage in late the fourth quarter when needed. You love to see 120 yards from your RBs but that required 31 attempts, and the last six rushing plays netted only eight total yards. Yikes. When it counted most, they were beaten instead of doing the beating.
Finally, Jonathan Gannon’s decision to go for one and hope for the best is not killer instinct. It’s barely survival instinct. He played not to lose, and guess how that turned out? You know how. He had the chance to take the lead against a reeling defense who wasn’t getting ANY calls, and declined. When you’ve lost seven times in a row to the same team, forcing overtime ain’t gonna cut it anyway. That’s prey behavior.
Improbably, even though the season began all of 45 minutes ago, that’s a quarter of the year in the books. I thought they’d be 2-2 after splitting their first two on the road and splitting their home games. By the margin of a single kick, they’ve exceeded that and sit 3-1, with nothing lost and everything to play for. It could break either way for this team, in part because they’ve scarcely faced elite opposition. Tougher bosses are coming; such is the NFL slate. But we will take it. For if the Hawks must go, let us go with them.
