Who had the most impressive win in a week full of tomato cans?
It’s the 12 Month Rap Up—Rap Rap Rap Up!
Most Impressive Win
No one. The highest-rated team that a Big Ten team faced in the season-openers was Hawai’i (KP 103),
and Oregon nearly lost to them—most on that soon. The only other Top 200 Kenpom teams the conference faced?
- #182 Colgate Raiders (lost to #22 Michigan State, 80-69)
- #188 Eastern Washington (lost to #12 UCLA, 80-74)
That’s not ideal. But whatever, it’s also just the first day of conference play.
However, it’s very important that you all—yes, even you, Purdue fans—understand this: your teams weren’t impressive, and you didn’t learn nearly as much as you’re telling yourself. Northwestern had a great day—a double-double, even!—from Certified Tallboi Arringten Page. That does not mean he is going to be a B1G-capable center. I sure hope that he is! But it was against Mercyhurst. There are basically two things that can happen in these games: they can fulfill expectations, or they can disappoint you. There is no “impressive”.
Least Impressive Win
Oregon Ducks 60, Hawai’i Rainbow Warriors 59: So, uh…there’s that, Ducks. Shooting 12.5% from deep isn’t great, but the ‘Bows also shot poorly from the field and only went -6 against Oregon on the boards. Any of these opening day struggles—including Penn State’s slop-fest—can be chalked up to rust and the first real live action. But Jackson Shelstad’s return can’t come soon enough in Eugene.
Dishonorable Mentions:
- #12 UCLA Bruins 80, Eastern Washington Eagles 74
- Penn State Nittany Lions 76, Fairfield Stags 68
- Ohio State Buckeyes 118, IU Indy Jaguars 102
…and All the Rest
- #7 Michigan Wolverines 121, Oakland Golden Grizzlies 78
- #17 Illinois Fighting Illini 113, Jackson State Tigers 55
- #24 wisconsin badgers 96, Campbell Fighting Camels 64
- Northwestern Wildcats 70, Mercyhurst Lakers 47
- Maryland Terrapins 83, Coppin State Eagles 61
- Minnesota Golden Gophers 87, Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs 60
- Nebraska Cornhuskers 86, Fuck Newt Gingriches 53
- USC Trojans 94, Cal Poly Ponies 64
- Washington Huskies 94, UA-Pine Bluff Golden Lions 60
- #1 Purdue Boilermakers 82, Evansville Purple Aces 51
- Iowa Hawkeyes 101, Bobby Morris Colonials 69
- Rutgers Scarlet Knights 81, Rider Broncs 53
- Indiana Hoosiers [a lot], Alabama A&M Bulldogs [substantially less]*
*game was not finished when I went to bed, and mostly I don’t care - Washington Huskies [some], Denver Pioneers [some less]
*I drafted this article on Wednesday night and these two teams played on Thursday; if you’re reading this, I forgot to update it on Thursday but had auto-scheduled it and never came back to it. No one cares about the result of Washington-Denver basketball unless (1) you have a gambling problem or (2) Washington loses. So here’s hoping.
Friday, November 7
Boston Terriers at Northwestern Wildcats
5pm | Peacock
Nothing says “We don’t want you to attend this basketball game” like “5pm on a Friday in Chicagoland.”
Georgetown Hoyas at Maryland Terrapins
5pm | FS1
Finally, we get some good shit! The Hoyas beat Kentucky in a meaningless preseason game that doesn’t actually matter, because if you care about those things, you’re probably a Purdue fan and need to touch grass.
They have, however, A Few Good Transfers like KJ Lewis (formerly Arizona) and Isaiah Abraham (how biblical), as well as a couple more years of former Harvard gunner Malik Mack, so…who knows! Good luck to the sweaty potato.
Purdue Fort Wayne Mastodons at Ohio State Buckeyes
5:30pm | BTN
Oakland Golden Grizzlies at #1 Purdue Boilermakers
6pm | Peacock
Greg Kampe is a masochist.
Western Illinois Leathernecks at Iowa Hawkeyes
6pm | BTN+
I don’t know that there is a more potent combination of cool mascot with an equally-uncool town than “Leathernecks” and “Macomb, Illinois.” You should feel free to correct me in the comments.
Florida Gulf Coast Eagles at #17 Illinois Fighting Illini
7:30pm | Peacock
Northern Illinois Huskies at #24 wisconsin badgers
7:30pm | BTN
Rice Owls at Oregon Ducks
9pm | BTN+
Fresh off its inspiring win over the College of Biblical Studies—as our friend glassjawed noted over at the Republic, a Division 2 National Christian College Athletics Association School—Rice will play an opponent of, I assume, roughly equal caliber in Oregon.
Pepperdine Waves at #12 UCLA Bruins
9:30pm | BTN
There are two ways to fix this game:
- UCLA should play it at Pepperdine, and
- In lieu of a buy-game bag, they should donate the hundreds of thousands of dollars to the workers displaced by the Malibu Fire.
You have until 6pm CT to meet these demands, Mick Cronin, or I withdraw a donation from charity.
Saturday, November 8
Alcorn State Braves at Minnesota Golden Gophers
11am | Peacock
The Golden Gophers football team has an 8pm CT kick at Oregon. You know there are a couple donors crazy, stupid, and rich enough to light the atmosphere on fire by attending this game in person, then hopping on a private plate to Eugene to take in the Gophers football game.
Actually, now that I say that…
…if someone wanted to spot me a cool $1,000 (the other $59 for incidentals and an airport beer), I would absolutely do this. And I’m not even a Gopher fan, just a Very Serious Sports Blogger.
Penn State Nittany Lions at New Haven Chargers
12pm | NEC Front Row
FINALLY A CHANCE TO SPREAD THE NEC FRONT ROW GOSPEL.
Is this a random free streaming service where seemingly everyone has an upstate New York accent? Of course it is.
Are the streams of varying and delightfully random quality? OF COURSE THEY ARE.
Is it officially called NEC Front Row but, because code is hard and graphic design is my passion, still stylized in places as “NEC on the Run”? READER, YOU BET YOUR FUCKING ASS.
Penn State is playing a road game at this school, a brand-new entrant to not only the NEC but to Division I athletics. I love it so much.
Florida International Panthers at Nebraska Cornhuskers
12pm | BTN+
#14 Arkansas Razorbacks at #22 Michigan State Spartans
6pm | FOX
Kudos for Arkansas for playing this game. I hope no one has any fun, least of all the two coaches, who for this particular exercise are virtually inseparable as coaches and ethical human beings.
Sunday, November 9
Indiana Hoosiers vs. Marquette Golden Eagles
12pm | ESPN | Waterkeeper Alliance Invitational (in Chicago, IL)
Why is what sounds like an environmental justice organization sponsoring a college basketball showcase in Chicago? NOT YOUR BUSINESS, BROTHER.
I’m not a fan of the overreliance on neutral site games in modern college hoops—this one would be GREAT as a home-and-home, as would most—but both MU and IU have enough of an alumni presence in Chicagoland that the United Center should be rockin’ for this one.
Manhattan Jaspers at USC Trojans
5pm | BTN+
Washington Huskies at Baylor Bears
7:30pm | ESPN
Good luck with that, Fightin’ Sprinkes.
If you choose to talk shootyhoops, you should feel free to do that here this weekend. Or in the gamethreads. Whatever floats your boat.
