Despite growing up a half-hour from Shea Stadium as a 1980s Mets fan, I didn’t hate the Yankees. No reason to. They were in a whole other league; they never played the Mets, other than in spring training. Don Mattingly was awesome. Dave Winfield was a freak. Willie Randolph seemed nice. Their third baseman was nicknamed Pags. What wasn’t to like?
I didn’t hate the Yankees until 2000, when Roger Clemens, unable to get Mike Piazza out legally, knocked him out with a heater straight to the gulliver .
. . and Don Zimmer, who said of the victim: “Piazza made a little man out of himself. I don’t care who knows it, I lost a little respect for Piazza.” The same Zimmer who had to have three holes drilled into his skull after taking a curveball there in 1963. Who had two seasons ended by beanballs. Who suffered a concussion in 1986 when he fell down in the clubhouse. Who brought a playoff game to a screeching halt in 1999 when a line drive off the bat of Chuck Knoblauch went into the dugout and hit Zimmer’s ear and jaw. One can only imagine the kind of poor choices a bloke with a litanty of brain injuries might make later in life (photo credit: Reddit).
Until two years ago, I never hated the Philadelphia 76ers. Growing up, they were like the Nets to me, geographical cousins of the Knicks who weren’t the Celtics, and the enemy of my enemy was my friend. Charles Barkley was a force of nature. Jeff Hornacek may not have done anything for me coaching the Knicks, but I loved watching him play. Hersey Hawkins coupled smoothness with alliteration. Everybody knows Shaquille O’Neal, and some remember Gary Trent Sr., “Shaq of the MAC,” but the original Shack was one of the great NBA names of all-time, one Charles Edward Shackleford.
So when the Knicks met the Sixers in the 2024 playoffs, after a lifetime of playoff series with Indiana, Miami and Chicago, I was looking forward to watching the most stressful games of the year against a team I had no beef with. That didn’t last long.
The 2021 series versus Atlanta was the first time I encountered another team’s chronically online fans. Hawks Twitter is probably on the low end of offensiveness, but they were so gross and rude that stuck with me more than Trae Young. Thankfully there didn’t seem to be much of a “Hawks Bluesky” scene this postseason.
Sixers Twitter is just one of several factors that curdled my affection for one of the NBA’s flagship franchises into something slightly toxic. Maybe you share some of my reasons; maybe you hate them for reasons all your own. My hypothesis: however much you hate the 76ers today, it will sink to fathomless depths by the end of this series. Why? I could give you reasons.
Reason 1: KAREN NURSE
You know what’s amazing about J.B. Bickerstaff? Besides having coached four NBA teams and won Coach of the year by age 46? He’s faced the Knicks twice in the playoffs, lost both times, and never kvetched once. Something to be said for someone who can face adversity with a kind of quiet dignity.
Contrast that with two years ago, after Karen Carlisle’s Pacers lost the first two games of their series with the Knicks, they sent the league office a list of 78 calls they claimed the refs got wrong in those games. Then Little Ricky doubled down on the lowest and hoariest conspiracy theory.
“”Small-market teams deserve an equal shot,” he said after Game 2. “They deserve a fair shot no matter where they’re playing.”
Every bleeping CBA of my lifetime has been about screwing over “big-market” teams and their fans in order to better serve the poor, tired, huddles masses out in Flyover Country. It’s infuriatingly specious. It’s dumb as shit. It’s the sports version of the NY Times sending reporters out all the time to find out what “real Americans” think of things, when those “real” Americans are always white Midwesterners who not only don’t live in cities, but actively fear them. I’m not any less real than them!
If I wanna go to Game 1 of this series and don’t have the money for a ticket, no one cuts me a break. If Miles McBride wants to make $50 million per on his next deal and nobody offers it to him, no one thinks he’s a victim. You want something you can’t have? Figure out how to make it happen or get over it, right? Yet always, the propaganda regarding what is/isn’t fair to alllll the poor wittle billionaires who aren’t quite Steve Ballmer-level.
If you can’t afford to compete with Ballmer, James Dolan and that anti-labor twat who owns the Rockets, sell the team. You don’t have a birthright to the endless profit machine that is pro sports just because you want it. For Carlisle, of all people — a former Knick and Celtic — to trot that dead horse outta the barn isn’t just offensive to us, it demeans him. Seems he’ll sell out anybody from his past just to get a little ahead today. Maybe Rick’s wealthier than I thought.
Not one to be outdone, Coach Nurse and the Sixers literally FILED A GRIEVANCE after the first two games of their last tussle with the Knicks. What happens if they fall behind this time? An amicus brief to the Supreme Court, requesting the Knicks be kicked out of the NBA? A donation to the White House Hitler’s bunker ballroom, to curry favor with the pedo in power? That may sound extreme, but the next time someone loses to New York without crying foul will be the first.
Reason 2: JOEL EMBIID
Like the Yankees, I was totally cool with Embiid right up until I wasn’t. He’s the greatest scoring big man I’ve ever seen (yes, over Shaq). His performance against New York in Game 4 in 2024 was up there, if not better, than anything I ever saw Michael Jordan do to them. There, I said it.
I didn’t like him trying to hurt Mitchell Robinson and various other Knicks in 2024, but I understood. I grew up watching the Knicks clothesline Dream Teamers; I can handle a little physicality (particularly when I’m not the one suffering it). It’s the narcissism I can’t stand.
Clemens could’ve stood up and owned what he did; instead he hid behind teammates making asses of themselves trying to justify assault. That Embiid could pull what he did on Mitch and walk away healthy tells you all you need to know about how much the NBA has changed. If he’d tried that s#$% on Patrick Ewing, Charles Oakley or Anthony Mason, Embiid’s career would already be over.
Look at this asshole.
He attacked Mitch ‘cuz he didn’t like a non-call on the other end. He didn’t like something a reporter wrote about his dead brother, so he shoved him. If Karl-Anthony Towns was the type to mess with people, this would be the time for head games. But KAT doesn’t roll like that. So we’ll just have to wait and see what annoys Mr. Process the next couple of weeks, and pray he doesn’t injure anyone while he’s letting off steam. And if he does, maybe this time the league bothers to notice.
Reason #3: CHRONICALLY ONLINE SIXER FANS
I’ll spare you a deep-dive into this Mariana Trench of misery. Suffice it to say this lot think the 76ers were screwed two years ago and “should’ve” beaten the Knicks. They ignore the ignominy of being the only East Coast metropolis whose fans somehow FAIL TO SELL OUT THEIR OWN ARENA for a playoff game. And now Charlie Brown is all fucking full of himself ‘cuz he finally kicked the football, coming from 3-1 to beat Boston. My advice: if you’re still on Twitter (why??), leave. Now. Otherwise, hold your nose and hope from the best. But expect the worst.
Reason #4: CALLIE RIVERS
Once upon a time, the daughter of Doc Rivers (OAKAAKUYOAK), Callie, was dating Paul George. George cheated on her, impregnating a dancer. Admittedly, I’d rather bring up something George did to hurt the Knicks in the postseason to reference here. And George ended up marrying the dancer and making a family, while Callie married Seth Curry. Not quite on the same villain-level of Tristan Thompson. But the Knicks have rarely reached the postseason during George’s career, and he’s spent most of his years in the Western conference, so there wasn’t much opportunity for intersection. Then again, George was the star of the 2013 Pacers. So there’s no shortage of reasons to not like him — professional or personal.
Reason #5: VJ EDGECOMBE*
This isn’t actually a beef with Edgecombe, who’ll be All-Rookie First Team when it’s announced. He’s a fantastic, exciting player, and in interviews he seems cool. No, this is a beef with how/why Edgecombe is a 76er.
A year ago, the Sixers fell apart after being oddly praised by everyone for an offseason centered on giving 34-year-old injury-prone Paul George a max extension. Completely unpredictably, George missed a ton of time with injuries. So did Embiid. And things got ugly.
After Maxey, their leading scorers last year were Kelly Oubre and Guerschon Yabusele. So Philly embraced tanking and fell all the way to the third pick in the draft. This was a year after Dallas gave up trying the last week of the season to keep New York from their lottery pick that year, and a year before Washington traded for two All-Stars they preferred never to play, rather than continue the upswing their youngsters had them on before the trades and risk losing their lottery pick to New York this June.
The Sixers didn’t really tank unethically, the way a third of the league did this year. I’m just sick of the Knicks getting screwed by teams tanking. And don’t let the league fool you: the latest anti-tanking proposal will fail, just as have all attempts. Because you can’t fix injustice with injustice. Wanna abolish tanking once and for all? Abolish the draft!
Ahh, I know; the small-market soothsayers will cry it’s unfair, that somehow in a league with a hard cap they can’t possibly compete with bigger teams who generally hunt and staff big-name stars. Yes, if we abolish the cap, why, the Knicks and Lakers would sign 10 All-NBA players and the top five rookies available. Anarchy, eh? Could be worse. Imagine a league full of Karens.
