Hello everyone.
It is with a heavy heart that I have to tell all of you that I will be back this season, slowly eliminating your remaining dozen brain cells week by week.
Just in the nick of time for the season opener, I will again be regaling everyone with my irrefragable predictions for the upcoming year.
It begins now.
Ollie Gordon will have more than 500 yards rushing
Let’s start positive:
Oliver Ignatius Gordon (I’m forced to assume) was the 2023 Doak Walker Award winner at Oklahoma State, putting up 1,732 yards and 21 touchdowns en route to the honor.
Them’s good footballin’ numbers. His third season saw a steep decline (880 yds, 13 TDs) by comparison, but I don’t follow college football in the state of Oklahoma closely enough to say why.
What I can say is that what I’ve seen of OGII so far makes me smile. He looks every bit the part of a big bruising back, the likes of which Miami has been sorely missing since probably the days of Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown. The only reason I didn’t go bolder on the yardage total is because De’Von Achane is the clear lead back through whom the rushing attack flows and, unless Achane goes down for any appreciable amount of time, he won’t get enough touches to go crazy.
I do think, however, he’ll get enough to be impressive. I expect him to overtake Jaylen Wright (if he hasn’t already) and provide the proverbial thunder to Achane’s lightning.
Tyreek Hill will remain a Dolphin
We all know the deal here. Tyreek says some stuff. The media runs with it at a speed that rivals his own on the field. Sometimes it’s legit. Often times it’s hot air. Every time, it’s a waste of time (at least to these anti-drama-llama ears).
I think that Hill’s happiness is tied directly to his usage and, to a lesser extent, tied to the team’s success. If he gets the kind of attention he’s used to in a high powered, fast paced offense, I doubt we’ll hear another peep. If he doesn’t get his desired volume, but the team is full steam ahead into the playoffs, I expect only minor grumblings. But if he’s underutilized on an underperforming squad: the pull start on his mouth’s motor is gettin a-yanked.
Fortunately for him, I think MM is going to try to run the offense closer to 2023 when Hill put up 1,799 yards than he will to last year, which saw Hill miss 1,000 yards for the first time since 2019.
Unfortunately for the team, I think efforts to replicate that model will fall short and, as a result:
Miami will miss the playoffs
I know. Let the boos rain down. While I don’t think the Dolphins are as bad as the preseason rankings (hovering somewhere around 29th) would have you believe, I don’t think they’re built well enough to make much noise this go around.
I worry that the secondary is too unproven. Of course, they might surprise me, but I know better than to buy a new Storm Duck jersey just yet.
I worry that an injury to the offensive line will render it obsolete. Of course, the starting five might stay healthy all season, but I won’t bet my new Storm Duck jersey on it.
I worry that Mike McDaniel’s continued insistence upon being both head coach and playcaller will bite him. Of course, he could find his groove and revive The Greatest Show on Surf, but if he comes after my new Storm Duck jersey, I will end him.
Even if my dooming and glooming comes true(ming?), I still think that:
Mike McDaniel will be retained
Love him or hate him, Mikey Mickey Danny’s Dolphins made the playoffs his first two seasons and finished 2nd in the AFC East all three years.
No; it’s not amazing.
Yes; it’s better than a lot of other Fins coaches.
I think that two years in a row in followed by two years in a row out buys him one last chance to break the tie.
Now, in that scenario, 2026 becomes a real ‘do or die’ situation for him, in my estimation. For each way in which he falls short this year, the stakes will be raised that much or more for the next. If Miami doesn’t reach the postseason in 2025, I imagine nothing short of winning the AFC East, unseating the Bills, and sprinting deep into the playoffs will do for 2026.
Big Bold Prediction: The Fins will finish in the top 3 in sacks
Last year the Broncos finished 1st in the league with 63 sacks, the Ravens 2nd with 54, and the Cowboys 3rd with 52. Let’s assume 50 is a reasonable target to be top 3 (given that 4th was the Texans at 49, I’m gonna roll with it).
The Dolphins’ strength on defense, and possibly across the entire roster, is their pass rush.
Bradley Chubb, Jaelen Phillips, Chop Robinson, and Zach Sieler are all healthy at the same time. Just looking at those four players’ career highs in sacks gives us 12, 8.5, 6, and 10, good for 36.5. That’s 13.5 sacks left for all other pass rushers, blitzing corners, and free-roaming Minkah’s to accrue over 17 weeks. That’s .79 sacks/game for everyone else.
Now, of course, not all of those players are going to hit their career highs in sacks all in the same year.
Will any of this come to pass? Does it even matter if it does? What is the true nature of being? Search in the comments below.
