Hi, guys. First time, long time here. Ever since Jerry DiPoto and his band of nerds let Humpy win the Salmon Run for the second time, the vibes around this team have turned rancid. They went 1-4 in the rest of that ALCS and they are currently well on their way to their first losing season since 2020. That alone would be a reason to change things up, but at this point, there are literally no reasons to keep Humpy.
His on-field performance is simply unacceptable. I have personally witnessed him fall
to the ground, get distracted by a shiny object, and never make it past the starting gate. And I don’t even go to that many games. It’s an embarrassment. Where is the hustle? The drive? This organization needs a sense of fight, and Humpy is off in La-La Land.
His lack of effort sends a terrible signal to the players. Julio throws a live ball into the crowd? Doesn’t Humpy say we’re all just here to have a good time? J.P. barely stabs at a ball that bounces under his glove? Why should he care about fundamentals when Humpy doesn’t? The Mariners brass needs to deliver a loud and clear message to the players: failure will not be tolerated.
Say what you will about the pick-me energy of the new Silver Hydro, at least he’s showing a sense of urgency out there. That kind of drive is what we want to see from a rookie. Humpy’s been coasting on literally just two wins.
The time has long passed for keeping around guys just because they’re good for clubhouse chemistry, but even by that metric, he’s an active detriment. The Mariners’ official bio for Humpy describes him as “loveable,” which, I mean, if you have to say it . . . . Since when is he lovable? He’s constantly sowing discord among the other players, routinely jostling with the star competitors in his way. This is not the strong leader the Mariners need to turn their season around in what little time they have left.
Humpy is the People’s Fool, a champion for the lazy and weak, partaking in a spectacle of the absurd. In fact, the entire 2026 Mariners season has been a spectacle of the absurd. Heads have to start rolling. Make Humpy’s the first. Alright, I’ll hang up and listen.
