Inner me last week: “It’s August. Michigan week has to be coming up pretty soon. You should look into that.”
Me: I’m on it.
Inner me on Monday: “Bryan posted the Michigan Cocktail Party. You committed to the Closing Arguments. You should get on that.”
Me: Right. I’m on it.
Inner me this morning: “It’s Thursday, dipshit.”
Me: GOD DAMMIT. It’s ok. I got this. It’s just the closing arguments I got this.
Inner me: Remember Chorus is shut down. You’re using WordPress for this, which you’ve never seen. Me:
GOD DAMMIT. It’s ok. Sure it’s a new tool, but I’m a nerd. I can figure out tech. It’ll be fine. I got this.
Inner me: Remember you promised AlmaOtter and MNW you’d write the article and not just have AI do it.
Me: GOD DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!!!!
The Offense
You read about it in Bryan’s article And if you didn’t, you should. Why the hell would you read something from me and not something from Bryan???
Last year sucked. You have to go back to the 70s to find a Michigan team with fewer WR receiving yards. No, seriously. Almost all Bo fucking Schembechler teams has more WR yards. Quarterback play was awful, but so were the WRs. The OL was almost as bad. The offensive coordinator was so clueless we had flashbacks to the Brady Hoke years.
So this year we have Chip Lindsey. That should help. Bryce Underwood is a massive talent upgrade at QB, though he’ll be barely 18 years old, so QB should be better, too. Probably not remotely as good as the average Michigan fan is expecting, but…better than last year. We have Donaven McCulley at WR. It’s still a bunch of unprovens-and-possibly-unworthies behind him, but one real guy is better than no real guys. And who knows? The scrubs are a year older and have a real OC, so maybe one or two can be passable. The running game will likely be solid as long as the passing game is a reasonable threat.
It’ll be better than last year because it would be hard to be worse. I give it 50/50 Michigan hits the median in SP+ on that side of the ball.
The Defense
Again, go read Bryan’s article if you haven’t already. The defense is gonna be pretty good. It might be really good. It’s deep. It’s talented. There’s pretty good experience across the defense, but especially at linebacker. This might be Michigan’s best starting LBs since the Carr era ‘97 group (and the LBs in the national title year were no joke). Last year’s defense started out solid, and finished the season elite once Wink figured out that college football != NFL football. This defense won’t be good as good as last year’s squad finished, but it might be pretty close (which is pretty damned good). I’d be surprised if it finishes lower than 20th in SP+, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s in the top 5.
The Schedule
| August 30 | New Mexico Lobos |
| September 6 | @ (18) Oklahoma Sooners |
| September 13 | Central Michigan Chippewas |
| September 20 | @ Nebraska Cornhuskers |
| September 27 | BYE |
| October 4 | Wisconsin Badgers |
| October 11 | @ USC Trojans |
| October 18 | Washington Huskies |
| October 25 | @ Michigan State Spartans |
| November 1 | Purdue Boilermakers |
| November 8 | Bye |
| November 15 | @ Northwestern Wildcats |
| November 22 | @ Maryland Terrapins |
| November 29 | (3) Ohio State Buckeyes |
This is reasonable. Oklahoma’s going to be better than people think, but that’s not the ‘21 Georgia Bulldogs. Road games at Nebraska (especially so early in the season) and USC are going to be tough, and Washington is a toss-up, but Michigan should be favored in all the other games until Death Star comes to town.
Prediction:
True freshmen quarterbacks are almost always bad, and those that aren’t have lots of good players around them. Underwood is going to be playing behind a line that can’t pass block, throwing to a very questionable WR group, and won’t have the luxury of just chucking it to Loveland like last year’s QBs had.
Losses to OU and OSU (bloody) and one other loss in there (most likely USC) puts Michigan at 9-3. I have 8-4 more likely than 10-2 (with Nebraska the next most likely loss).
Poll:
Um, yeah. Our new system apparently doesn’t do polls. Thanks, sbNation, for the “upgrade”. No, seriously. You guys are doing a great job. Top notch.
Tell us in the comments. What will Michigan’s final record be and how happy or sad will it make you?
