Now that Penn State’s season is down the toilet, we can focus all our energy in hating the other 17 teams in the conference! There’s always a silver lining!
[Ed. Note: I’m not changing that opening paragraph for the rest of the season ~Eli]
Saturday, October 25
The Best
Northwestern at Nebraska 12:00 PM ET, FS1 | Nebraska –7.5 (O/U 44.5) ChatGPT: Huskers at home should control with the run, but Northwestern’s discipline could frustrate them. Expect an ugly slugfest. Eli: Matt Rhule failed his audition for the Penn State job, so
maybe now he can focus on Nebraska’s actual season? I don’t see how Northwestern wins two road games back to back, so Huskers by default. ChatGPT Prediction: Nebraska 24–16 Eli Prediction: Nebraska 24, Northwestern 17
Illinois at Washington
3:30 PM ET, BTN | Washington –4.5 (O/U 54.5)
ChatGPT: Sneaky fun cross-divisional matchup. Washington’s balanced attack should test Illinois’ front, but the Illini can counter with physicality and play-action.
Eli: ChatGPT, the Big Ten doesn’t have divisions. Also if they did both Washington and Illinois would be in the same division. And somehow USC and UCLA would be in the east. No, actually, Oregon and USC would be in the East, because of course.
ChatGPT Prediction: Washington 30–24
Eli Prediction: Washington 28, Illinois 21
Minnesota at Iowa
3:30 PM ET, CBS | Iowa –8.5 (O/U 39.5)
ChatGPT: Expect punting, defense, and maybe three touchdowns total. Iowa’s defense might score one themselves — it’s practically their brand.
Eli: That total is about 39.5 points too high.
ChatGPT Prediction: Iowa 20–10
Eli Prediction: Iowa 2, Minnesota 0 (23OT)
Michigan at Michigan State
7:30 PM ET, NBC | Michigan –13.5 (O/U 47.5)
ChatGPT: The in-state hate fest returns under the lights. Michigan’s offense has been clinical, while MSU’s defense has leaked big plays. Unless Sparty finds a spark in the passing game, this could get one-sided fast.
Eli: It’s a road game for Michigan, but it’s in Michigan, so maybe the road gameness of it all cancels out? Michigan State has looked terrible in the past couple weeks though so there’s that.
ChatGPT Prediction: Michigan 34–17
Eli Prediction: Michigan 34, Michigan State 20
The Rest
UCLA at Indiana
12:00 PM ET, FOX | Indiana –26.5 (O/U 51.5)
ChatGPT: Homecoming in Bloomington. Indiana’s QB play has been lights-out; UCLA’s defense is porous. The Hoosiers might roll.
Eli: The UCLA story was cute but shit gets real now.
ChatGPT Prediction: Indiana 41–17
Eli Prediction: Indiana names their number, UCLA 0.
Rutgers at Purdue
12:00 PM ET, BTN | Rutgers –1.5 (O/U 58.5)
ChatGPT: Two desperate squads looking for momentum. Rutgers’ ground game travels; Purdue’s offense can’t afford slow starts.
Eli: Purdutgers doesn’t have the same ring to it as Illinutgers did. Either way, Rutgers defense, or lack thereof, fails them yet again.
ChatGPT Prediction: Rutgers 31–27
Eli Prediction: Purdue 33, Rutgers 22
Wisconsin at Oregon
7:00 PM ET, FS1 | Oregon –31.5 (O/U 44.5)
ChatGPT: Tough trip for the Badgers. Oregon’s offense is a machine, and Wisconsin hasn’t shown the speed to keep up. Could get ugly early.
Eli: Good god.
ChatGPT Prediction: Oregon 45–13
Eli Prediction: Oregon 49, Wisconsin 0.
Final Thoughts
The Best: Nebraska–Northwestern opens the day, followed by Illinois–Washington and Iowa–Minnesota in the afternoon, and capped by Michigan–Michigan State at night.
Middle Tier: Indiana–UCLA provides fireworks potential early.
The Rest: Rutgers–Purdue and Wisconsin–Oregon close out a packed Saturday.
Eli: Good week to be on a bye. All of these suck! Ok maybe Illinois/Washington will be good.
