Once upon a time I was a grad student, a Chinese food delivery driver and a New York Jets fan, and therefore poor, hustling and doomed. That year —2004 — the Jets had been good, though. Really quite good, and “good” was a word my father and I avoided like the plague when it came to Gang Green. But we’d both seen enough to know these Jets were not the same old Jets.
It wasn’t just how much they were winning (by Jets standards), but how they looked winning. Shaun Ellis and Jonathan Abraham combined
for 20.5 sacks. Curtis Martin was incredible. Santana Moss was the home run threat. Chad Pennington was a good quarterback and a Jet, both at the same time, an event rarer than Big Bangs. By the time they met 15-1 Pittsburgh in the second round I’d told everyone I knew to remember they heard it from me first: the Jets would win.
They didn’t. Doug Brien missed two field goals in the last two minutes that would’ve won the game, sending the Jets to an NFL-record third straight overtime game, a bridge too far.
Today, three graduate programs and many pant sizes later, I am a writer, a Knicks fan and a socialist, and therefore poor, happy and hopeful. This year’s Knicks are the rich man’s ‘04 Jets, with the only kicking they’ve had to deal being them kicking some Hawk and Sixer ass all over the ****ing place. Since then they’ve had over a week to rest, recover, practice, and watch the Cavaliers and Pistons go the full 12 rounds. For a few more precious days, Knicksville is all love and light.
So let’s have fun with it. Say a genie told you you get one very specific wish: what one single play would you want the Knicks to win the title via? To go down in history as the most famous moment in franchise — nay, league history?! A halfcourt heave? A rejection at the rim? Another tedious video review?
Here are my contenders. What are yours?
BREAKAWAY DUNK
Oklahoma City. June. Game 7. Tie game. Thunder have the ball in the dying seconds. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander beats his man off the dribble, never noticing another defender swoop in for the swipe, go the length of the floor and throw down the title-clinching dunk. Who should it be?
Bear in mind this dunk will be both the greatest moment of your life and a highlight replayed more than any in human history. So for me it comes down to two choices: Mitchell Robinson and Deuce McBride. Mitch is the longest-tenured Knick and a real rim-rocker given an open runway. To win the title on a Mitch breakaway would be poetic and powerful.
But I gotta go with Deuce. He’s number two on the longevity trip, already a legendary Knick, if not a legendary NBAer, period. How many players have ever heard their name chanted as often as McBride has — in all 30 arenas? And when Deuce gets some runway, he can get up and go get it.
Little man dunks age better than bigs’. You ever see those NBATV commercials that are five-second highlights super slow-motioned and stretched into 30-second spots? Deuce dunking would look better there than Mitch. Advantage: McBride.
FACIAL
Karl-Anthony Towns is a bit too Kevin Knox for me when he winds up for a big slam; odds are there’s going to be any result other than an and-one. If Mitch were driving for the title-winning dunk, the defense would tase him before they’d let him anywhere near the rim. Mikal Bridges has his moments.
But it’s gotta be OG Anunoby. Like NEO from The Matrix, OG seems to have figured out godhood. If you’re 6-foot-8, 240 pounds, a plus 3-point shooter and leap like a pogo stick on flubber, there aren’t too many bipeds around who can stop you. Honestly, my throat is still hoarse from screaming at this two years ago. After John Starks’ “The Dunk,” this may be my favorite Knick dunk ever.
And while I think I have a pretty fertile imagination, I cannot remotely envision what kind of emotional response — if any — Anunoby would flash after winning the title on a facial. I’d sure like to find out.
HALFCOURT DUNK
Think it’s impossible? At any point in your life prior to a couple weeks ago, would you ever have considered it possible that the Knicks would replicate Golden State’s Steph Curry/Mark Jackson/Steve Kerr troika with Jalen Brunson/Tom Thibodeau/Mike Brown? Imagine telling yourself that four years ago. And what is dunking, if not possibility persevering?
So let’s say the Knicks force a turnover in the dying seconds of Game 7, score tied, and whoever’s dribbling up the floor, fueled by adrenaline (and Mike & Ike’s, if it’s Josh Hart), gathers, take two steps and zip explodes through the air like horizontal lightning, dunking just as the clock expires.
I gotta go with Bridges. He’s already so long to begin with, I can picture his limbs stretching and stretching into forever, como Mister Fantastic. Also intrigued by Hart here, mainly because it doesn’t seem like something he should be able to do, which is the foundation of everything Hart’s game is about.
HALFCOURT HEAVE
The 1980 season was the NBA’s first with the 3-point line. Had it existed 10 years earlier, the Knicks might have lost the 1970 Finals.
I’d say it’s high time the basketball gods paid New York back with interest for that little miracle. What if, down two with time expiring, a Knick were to launch from 60-feet out and make the shot? Beggars can’t be choosers, but these days we’re dreamers, and dreamers can. Who would you wanna see make it?
Color this bitch basic, but I say Brunson. Not only because he’s so good or so easy to root for, but because with all the sacrifices he’s made in leading this franchise to where they stand today, as selfless a player and teammate as he seems to be, it’d feel deserved. For him and for us.
REGULAR 3-POINTER
KAT. For the same reason why if I were a Mavs fan in 2009 I’d pick Dirk and if I were a Thunder fan in 2016 I’d pick Durant. Small dudes look cooler dunking. Big dudes look cooler nailing 3s.
FREE THROWS
Mitch. Don’t overthink it. If Mitch went to the line with zero seconds on the clock with the Knicks down two and he made both, God would manifest in the lane, gesture to the heavens and say, “We kept your seat warm.”
PAINT BLOCK
Jose Alvarado. Is this even a question??
3-POINT BLOCK
When Mitch first broke into the league, he was such an electric puppy he tried to block every shot the other team took, including 3s. And he blocked a TON of 3s; dunno if the league tracks blocked 3s, but around 2019, 2020 there’s no way anyone in the league came close to him.
Also, nothing gets me as pumped as a fan or when I’m playing than stuffing someone. I’m too old now, haven’t played in years. But even when I play 2K, every time I go to block someone’s shot I end up all contorted in my chair with my leg kicked out as I go for the stuff. If the Knicks won the title on a Mitch blocked 3, the orgasm would kill me. What a way to go.
DRAWING A CHARGE
If you don’t think someone lying flat on their back is an emotionally stirring way to end a series . . .
The obvious choice here is Brunson; no one would begrudge you. But I’m going with Jordan Clarkson. When Clarkson signed last offseason, he had two primary reps: unabashed gunner and pretty boy fashionista (photo credit: NY Post).
When he first fell out of the rotation, I armchair quarterbacked it as inevitable. He’s a gunner joining a team who’ll never need him to be their primary or secondary or even tertiary scorer. Probably shouldn’t have signed here. Now he’s a rotation regular as the bastard love child of TJ McConnell’s fullcourt defense and Hart’s offensive rebounding. What could be a more perfect microcosm of Clarkson’s reinvention than him lifting the Knicks to the title not with a bucket, but a fall?
AND-1
Ironically, the last Knick I’d pick here is Brunson, as for whatever reason he’s the worst great free-throw shooter I can remember. Since coming to New York, Brunson’s missed 352 free throws combined in the regular-season and playoffs and I swear the number should be double that. I’ve never seen anyone who shoots as well as he does and gets to line like he does seemingly miss as often as he does.
This is really a question of which Knick you most trust to drain the title-winning free throw, rather than miss and send them to an overtime you know they’ll lose?
It should pro’ly be KAT, but for better or worse I grew up watching the Knicks feature the best shooting big man in all the land, and when it came to pressure-time free throws Patrick Ewing had me more anxious than a lemur in a room full of rocking chairs. I could see KAT’s shot rimming out, the Knicks go on to lose and it becomes like a Bill Buckner thing for him. No thanks. I’ll go with Bridges. His DGAF is pretty specific, and seems to rub a lotta people the wrong way, but it’s absolutely perfect for this spot.
REPLAY CHALLENGE
God, kill me.
