Earlier this week, there was a story in the Daily Mail about oft-maligned (at least in the public eye) Bernardo Cueva changing roles at Chelsea, moving from his set-piece coaching position that he’s held for the last two years (and countless head coaches), to “one more behind the scenes and away from the pitch”. The Mail’s sources “stressed” that this was “not a demotion” and that Cueva would “continue to play a highly crucial role within their football operation”. Just, you know, not in the role for which
he was hired.
So, basically, Cueva was promoted to get him off of Xabi Alonso’s coaching staff, just like when Herbert Sobel was promoted to captain so that Easy Company didn’t have to deal with him during actual combat. I’m sure Mauricio Pochettino is quietly nodding his head somewhere in a lemon tree orchard.
But in the year 2026, football teams do need a set piece coach, so who’s going to be replacing Cueva? The answer to that is, evidently, Aston Villa’s (and the Portugal national team’s) Austin McPhee, whose release clause was reportedly activated by Chelsea yesterday. Yes, set piece coaches have release clauses now, because modern football!
According to The Athletic, McPhee’s looking for a new challenge after five years at Villa — where he’s earned a bit of a reputation for executing on dead balls — and he’s chosen Chelsea over other interest from the Premier League as well as the Saudi Pro League. And we can certainly provide a good challenge in this regard! As per the report, Villa have scored 74 set piece goals in the last three years, including 29 across all competitions last season, matching the total that Set Piece FC have managed on their way to the Premier League title.
I guess if we can’t beat them, we might as well join them. The beautiful game!
