What is the story about?
It’s the offseason and too early for me to start doing my analytics based draft predictions so that means you have to deal with nonsense from me. The premise of this nonsense article is to run wild with something I know a lot of us do: Give terrible “dad joke” nicknames to our favorite players. Former (and possibly future) linebacker Matt Milano for instance had no shortage of cookie-based references/names. Feel free to share your personal favorites (within the community guidelines of course).
Current Bills Roster
- Lloyd Loganberry (rather than Cushenberry). Honorable mentions of Frankenberry, Snozzberry, Boysenberry, really there are a ton
- Trent Surefine (rather than Sherfield)
- Jordan (Herbie) Hancock
- Youcole Hardman (rather than Mecole)
- Jackson Hawes(ome)
- Cole Bishop takes pawn
- The Picture of Dorian Strong
- Mitch Wiśniówka (rather than Wishnowsky)
- Sweet Dee Alford
Former Bills Players
- Larry “Lake” Ogunjobi
- Lee “Press On” Evans. Or Lee “Press On” Smith (you might remember my affinity for Lee Smith)
- Stephon Gilmore Girls
- Erik Flowers Powers
- Jeff “Mr.” Wright
- George “Mr.” Wilson (DENNIS!)
- Tashard “Tasters” Choice
- Vlad “The Impaler” Ducasse
- Levi’s 501 Wallace
- “Johnny” Tremaine Edmunds
- Kim Jelly (I thought this was hilarious for Jim Kelly when I was a kid)
- Done Beebe gun
- Sam Cow-Art (now you’re visualizing paintings of cows aren’t you?)
- T.J. Graham Crackers
Yeah,
this is the kind of gibberish that’s constantly kicking around my brain so now you have to deal with it as well. If you’re also into dad joke style nicknames, feel free to toss out some more favorites in the comments.
