Tottenham Hotspur snapped a number of streaks on Saturday. It snapped Leeds United’s 23-match home unbeaten streak, it snapped a two-year streak of Tottenham losing matches before international breaks.
And, perhaps most importantly, it snapped a streak of games in which I screamed obscenities at Rodrigo Bentancur. Tottenham’s 2-1 win at Elland Road wasn’t the best match of football I’ve ever watched, but in the context of Spurs missing several key players to injury and having no passers in midfield, it was fine and more crucially a very good win that Tottenham will look back at later in the season as extremely important points earned.
It’s October, and at least here in my part of the world we are moving from summer into autumn. The weather hasn’t quite shown it yet, but October is when the cool weather comes back to the American midwest, and with it comes cuisine like fresh apples, squash, hearty sausages, and most happily, soup. I love a good soup, and while hot soup rarely makes sense when it’s 90º outside in October when the air is crisp and the leaves are falling a good bowl of soup can be a sublime thing.
Of course, soup is a MASSIVE category. There are so many soup archetypes, variants, variants on variants, and regional differences that there’s no way to properly encompass the entire genre in a Tottenham Hotspur player ratings article. Heck, I didn’t even include my favorite soup of all time (roasted butternut squash) in these rankings. But since when has that stopped me before? I’ve tried to go with something more archetypal, but there are also certain soups that are just so good they can’t be left out.
But this is a big tent. Instead of yelling at me for not listing your favorite soup in the category headers, maybe instead post about YOUR favorite soup and why you love it? Maybe also post a recipe, because I’m always looking for a new soup recipe, and that would be a wonderful gift to the community as well.
Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings for their 2-1 win over Leeds United to the theme of soup.
5 stars: Ramen
The king of soups, and I don’t think it’s much of a contest. The combination of the curly, slightly chewy noodles with the salty, umami-filled broth is incredible. The best thing about ramen is how versatile it is — add chicken, or tofu, or shrimp, or slices of thin-sliced beef or pork. Throw in some greens, or a soft-boiled egg. Shoyu, miso, tonkotsu, or just a packet dumped in a bowl with boiling water in your college dorm room — ramen is always good, or if not GOOD then at least never worse than palatable.
No Tottenham Hotspur players are in this category.
4.5 stars: Chicken noodle
As a soup archetype, only ramen stands ahead of the good, reliable chicken noodle soup. Chunks of chicken and vegetables floating in a broth made from the chicken’s own carcass with some sort of toothsome noodle (I like egg noodles) is just wholesome comfort in a bowl. And like ramen it’s so versatile — just about every culture has some form of chicken soup and they’re almost always amazing.
Mohammed Kudus (Community — 4.5): Finally it feels like things are starting to click for him. Dynamic going forward, took his goal extremely well, and even put in some excellent crosses. I’ve been waiting for a match like this that didn’t over-rely on his dribbling ability.
4 stars: Pho
Look, isn’t this a form of ramen? Well sure, if you conflate Vietnam and Japan as both “part of Asia.” There are enough differences in taste and texture to make pho its own thing. And what a thing it is. I could live off this soup.
Destiny Udogie (Community — 4.0): Having a left footed left fullback really makes the difference sometimes. Very impressed with Destiny’s overall performance. It wasn’t perfect — he got beat by Okafor a couple of times defensively — but worked tirelessly to get the ball into the box, something Spurs have been missing over the past few matches.
Mathys Tel (Community — 4.0): So happy for him to get his first Spurs goal of the season after struggling with adversity thus far. He nearly had a second goal after clanging one off the bar. He needed a confidence boosting match and I was pleased that he got one.
Thomas Frank (Community — 4.0): His lineup may have been dictated as much by injuries/absences as by choice, but he set up a team to get a gritty win away at Elland Road and succeeded. I don’t always like the KIND of football that gets played, but on Saturday it was effective. That was an important win.
3.5 stars: Feijoada
Who doesn’t love a nice bowl of bean soup? I sure do — I keep beans at home all the time — and while I don’t frequently make feijoada, Brazil’s national dish, I feel like I should more often because it’s delicious. The combination of the black beans, slow-simmered with bacon or sausage and served with rice, greens, and orange segments, is sublime. It’s hearty, delicious, and worth the time it takes to make.
Cuti Romero (Community — 3.5): Weirdly went a-ranging a few times in this one with varying degrees of success but was solid at the back. Squared up to Okafor, which I appreciated, but earned a yellow in the process, which I did not.
Micky van de Ven (Community — 3.5): Matched up well against Dominic Calvert-Lewin and more or less kept him quiet. Backed up Odobert and Udogie on the left side when needed.
Xavi Simons (Community — 3.5): Seems to still be figuring out his role in the side, but more dynamic played centrally. Lovely chipped ball into the box to Pedro Porro, who made a mess of it. It’s coming. It will come.
Wilson Odobert (Community — 3.5): It’s sometimes easy to forget just how young Wilson Odobert is — just eight months older than Jamie Donley. The raw talent is there, and it was on display today. The consistency and the finishing was a bit missing and will come with time, but this guy’s not a scrub. I still believe in him.
3 stars: French onion
It feels churlish to have a soup rating and not include a good French soup, so welcome to the party French onion. Really, your appreciation of French onion soup will come down simply to how much you like onion, because that roasted, softened onion flavor dominates. I happen to love it, but it takes too long to make properly so I rarely make it. A good bowl of French onion, topped with a large crouton and a good cheese, can be sublime. Far too frequently though, it isn’t.
Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 3.5): Flapped at a few too many corners and crosses for my liking and parried a save straight in the path of Okafor for Leeds’ goal, but also had a couple of very nice reaction saves.
Joao Palhinha (Community — 3.5): Off the pace, especially in the first half, and picked up a really dumb yellow for a late challenge. Settled in the second half, improved, and shone when Spurs were bunkering late. Kind of difficult to separate his performance from that of Bentancur’s since both of them are so intertwined with how Tottenham actually play football.
Rodrigo Bentancur (Community — 3.0): Certainly an improvement from the last two matches and had some decent moments in midfield, but still doesn’t work well alongside Palhinha. Probably good that he had a decent match because his vibes have been awful lately on the back of his contract extension.
Pape Matar Sarr (Community — 3.0): IDK, he was fine?
2.5 stars: Vichyssoise
I’m bagging on France a bit here — sorry not sorry — and I do appreciate the necessity of a good cold soup especially on a hot summer day. But while I like the flavor profile of vichyssoise (potato, leek, onion, chicken) if you want a cold soup you’re much better served going with a fresh tomato gazpacho, which would be much higher up the list if I had the room to list it.
Pedro Porro (Community — 3.5): Not one of his better performances. Loose with the ball on both ends of the pitch, and looks like he still needs a rest.
Richarlison (Community — 3.0): Looks like he’s short of confidence right now. He might be better when he has someone like Randal Kolo Muani or Dom Solanke (RIP) up top for him to play off of.
2 stars: Anything out of a can
Soups are one of the easiest things for the food industry to shove into a can and make shelf stable so while I nod my head to the convenience and ubiquity of the canned soup aisle at the supermarket, nine times out of ten I wouldn’t choose any option over something I made at home. There is, however, a special carve-out for things like Campbell’s cream of celery or cream of mushroom, which are pretty good when used to create things like casseroles but are hot garbage if you actually make cream of celery or mushroom soup with it.
No Tottenham players in this category, which is kind of remarkable if you think about it.
1 star: Cereal
My teenage son would argue that cold cereal in milk is, technically, classified as a soup. I would agree only in the sense that you would also classify a taco as a sandwich. Anyway, cold cereal is good, but it is not a soup and stop pretending it is.
No Tottenham players were as bad as pretending cold cereal is soup.
Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating
Kevin Danso, Brennan Johnson
