Well, my goodness. Tottenham Hotspur did the unexpected (laudatory) thing on Saturday, running out in the rain and wind and cold of a blustery London evening to get a 0-2 win away over Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. It’s been mentioned before, but this is the rarest of Tottenham victory prizes — this is just the third league win for Spurs over Chelsea at the Bridge in Premier League history. “Spurs don’t win away at Chelsea” is about as much of a truism as you can get in Premier League football, but Spurs smashed
through that wall like the Kool-Aid Man, picking up not only a vital three points but also a signature league win that will, hopefully, propel them forward under Roberto De Zerbi.
This is a celebration, so why not a celebratory theme? Most readers know that I’ve been dealing with stage 4 colon cancer for the past couple of years. I won’t go into detail except to say that I’ve had multiple surgeries and two full rounds of chemotherapy. I still have cancer but I’m stable now — while it spread to my liver it’s stayed there and not moved anywhere else. I’m currently still on palliative maintenance chemo while I consult with doctors at the University of Chicago for some alternate treatments.
When I started chemo, I decided that I was going to wear a loud, colorful Hawaiian shirt to each treatment, as a way of showing some joyful, bright defiance over this disease. My infusion nurses started calling them my “power shirts.” Infusion rooms are not happy places, as there are a lot of very sick and dying people getting care there. I just wanted to wear something bright and colorful as a small way to counteract that, and now I’m known for these shirts by the staff and other patients. I get yelled at if I ever forget to wear one to a treatment now.
As a result, I’ve amassed a pretty significant number of Hawaiian shirts. Most I’ve purchased over the years at places like Old Navy or J. Crew — as a (cough) Gentleman of a Certain Age™ I find I’m now able to fully pull Hawaiian shirts off without looking like a dork (or at least less of a dork than I already am) — but others have been gifted to me by people who have heard my story and wanted to add to my collection. After 2+ years some of them are starting to wear out; if any kind soul wants to help underwrite a new shirt collection, you can always buy me a coffee, but honestly, no pressure or obligation. I’m fine and good.
So for today’s theme, I thought I’d share some of the shirts I’ve worn to treatment over the past couple of years. They’re a bit wrinkled — I’m not getting the iron out for you sickos — but they represent my hope and optimism amidst what has been a whole lot of crap over the past couple of years. I don’t post this for sympathy, but it’s something I’m actually quite proud of — it’s now a symbol of my resilience and my belief that I’m going to beat this thing eventually, and for good. Though Lord, sometimes that road feels so long.
Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings for their win at the Bridge to the theme of my “power shirts.” Hope they make you smile the way I do when I put one on.
5 stars:
This is not the first Hawaiian shirt I’ve ever owned, but it was given to me by dear friends who bought it in London at the Tottenham shop by the stadium when they went over to watch a match. I wear it with pride, and even the infusion nurses who aren’t soccer fans have asked me “Are those chickens on that shirt?” and then I have to explain Tottenham Hotspur and soccer and why I have this shirt and it’s almost always a great conversation. I think I might have converted at least one of my nurses into a Spurs fan. (I did apologize.)
Matheus Fernandes (Community – 4.5): I had yet to award a 5-star player performance in any of Spurs’ first 7 matches, but that ends now. Got caught in possession a couple of times but otherwise was revolutionary playing at the base of midfield. Recycled possession exceptionally well, had his head up the entire match, interplayed well with Tonali and Maddison, and his corners were also well-placed. We’ve been waiting to see the Mateush-Tonali-Maddison midfield and it was worth the wait.
Mathys Tel (Community – 4.5): While I still count myself a “Tel-iever” I’ve given him a fair amount of stick since he joined the club, and for good reason. No stick today. He was outstanding against Chelsea on that left side, and has formed a good relationship with Andy Robertson. He still has a propensity to try and take on defenders rather than make a good final pass to a more open teammate, but he always shows for the ball and his goal was very well taken. One of his best matches in a Spurs shirt.
Roberto de Zerbi (Community – 4.5): I can’t have only the third win over Chelsea at Stamford Bridge and not rate the manager five stars. RDZ got everything right on Saturday, from the starting lineup to the tactics.
4.5 stars:
This was the shirt I wore to my first ever chemo infusion. I agonized over which one to wear and opted for what I thought was the most colorful shirt (then) in my collection. I got comments on it the moment I walked in.
Jan Paul van Hecke (Community – 4.0): His best-ever performance in a Spurs shirt. I feel as though Spurs fans slate his defending because they’re subconsciously comparing him to Cuti Romero, but in addition to his usual outstanding passing from deep, he was also rock-solid defensively. Had a hand (no pun intended, honest) in the own-goal too.
Micky van de Ven (Community – 4.0): Some HUGE challenges and was not afraid to take the ball forward from the back line. O Captain, My Captain!
Sandro Tonali (Community – 4.0): Fantastic. I expected him to play at the six, but he buzzed around as the hard-working eight that we were promised. Keep putting performances like that in and I promise I’ll stop talking about Spurs overpaying significantly for him this summer.
4 stars:
The OG. This is the first Hawaiian shirt I ever owned, purchased years before my cancer diagnosis. I’ve always considered flamingos as my “spirit animal” so I felt like I needed a flamingo shirt at the time, and I purchased it on a lark not really feeling like I could pull it off then. It’s mostly faded now but I still wear it proudly as an old Dad who isn’t afraid of looking ridiculous.
Antonin Kinsky (Community – 4.0): Mid-match I described his performance as “the most (derogatory/laudatory) match in his Spurs tenure” and I hold to that, though the good outweighs the bad. Some amazing stops to keep Chelsea out and fantastic long-ball distribution to bypass Chelsea’s midfield, but also one or two hospital balls played out of the back that he just managed to overcome. Take those mistakes out and that was a five star performance.
James Maddison (Community – 4.0): Extremely bright performance — moved around a lot to receive short passes from the CMs, was always looking for an incisive, creative ball to break down Chelsea’s block. That midfield combination was so, so good in the first half and it’s a shame he picked up an injury that could keep him out a bit.
Andy Robertson (Community – 4.0): In his “old age” Robertson doesn’t have the burst he did at Liverpool but he still has excellent vision. Combined well with Tel, crossed excellently, and should’ve had an assist if Marmoush hadn’t hit it straight at the keeper.
3.5 stars:
There’s something about an extremely loud and in your face pineapple Hawaiian shirt that I find kind of irresistible. I turned down a number of pineapple shirts over the years until I found the “right” one, and it was this one. It’s not my only pineapple Hawaiian shirt, but it’s my favorite. I mean, look at those fruits! Magnificent. I wanna go make a virgin piña colada now.
Archie Gray (Community – 3.5): I feel like I’ve settled upon Archie as a cromulent Swiss Army Knife squad player. I’m not sure he’ll ever be world-class in what he does, but he’s going to be cromulent to solid every time he makes the pitch, and those kind of players are super valuable. I also think he might just be a right back now, though with his central-midfielder brain he brings a little extra something to the position. Anyway, he was super solid in this one, although it should be noted that his side of the pitch was a black hole in possession.
Mohammed Kudus (Community – 3.5): A lot of people got mad at me when I said I was frustrated with Kudus after that match, so I rewatched the game with a careful eye on Mo. And I’ll grant that he did put in a ton of work keeping and holding up the ball, and I’ve revised my rating upwards. That said, he’s still extremely frustrating in his offensive work, shooting and crossing in the final third. Yes, he put a lot of good work behind the scenes, but I maintain do we WANT our expensive dribbly winger to be doing that work instead of, y’know, scoring goals?
Conor Gallagher (Community – 4.0): Not the same kind of creative 10 that Maddison is and showed it on Saturday, but in this match his engine and efficacy at the press were key to Spurs seeing out the match. And it should be noted that both goals came after he was subbed in, and he got Cole Palmer sent off sooooooooo… He has his place in this team for sure.
3 stars:
I don’t know why this is one of my favorite power shirts, but it’s one of my favorite power shirts. It probably has something to do with the cool color scheme and the big, bold hibiscus flower pattern. Last spring the cancer center did an interview and photo shoot with me about my story and I wore this shirt. I’m supposed to be on a billboard sometime soon, something that’s both weird and also freaks the hell out of my two adult children.
Dominic Solanke (Community – 3.5): I didn’t really notice that he had even entered the match, but he didn’t trip over his own feet. He has cool braids now.
Pedro Porro (Community – 3.5): Didn’t expect too much from him on his first match back from a mild hamstring injury. A cromulent performance, even if it wasn’t especially noteworthy.
2.5 stars:
Another floral pattern shirt that has held up remarkably well through repeated washings, something a lot of Old Navy Hawaiian shirts emphatically do NOT do. Someday I’ll save my pennies and buy a real, authentic Hawaiian shirt with the coconut shell buttons and the like, but today is not the day. But I do like this one — the dark background makes it appropriate under a blazer and at semi-formal occasions. (This is a joke, but I might try it sometime.)
Omar Marmoush (Community – 3.5): Didn’t see much of the ball in the first half (Chelsea had a lot to do with that) and fired his one great scoring chance right at the keeper. Effective in the press, but this was the one sub-par performance I’d say any Spurs player had.
2 stars:
I’m not sure what it is, but I think I’ve gotten more comments about this shirt than all the others combined. People just really like the sunflowers, I think, and it’s not a flower you typically see on a Hawaiian shirt. I like it too. Sunflowers are my daughter’s favorite flower. I bought this shirt specifically to make her smile, and she does, every time she sees me wearing it.
Honestly just wanted an opportunity to post another Hawaiian shirt.
1 star:
I love this shirt and the understated nautical/shell/fish theme, and I think I look smart in it, especially unbuttoned with a white or navy blue tee underneath. Unfortunately, I bought it before chemo when I was, uh, a little less heavy than I am now (chemo does a number on your metabolism) and it no longer really fits me. This is my motivational “I will lose weight to fit into this shirt again” Hawaiian shirt.
No Tottenham Hotspur players were as bad as chemotherapy. And they never will be.
Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating
Dejan Kulusevski, Ben Davies
