We did it! Here are the responses to some questions!
What New Year’s resolution do you want your school’s coaching staff to make for 2026? – LandOfSkyBlueWatersGophers
HWAHSQB: Take the triple flea flicker
reverse whatever it was that they tried to run IN THE SNOW and drown it in the Boneyard Creek. Also, I hope that Bert and I both keep shedding some lbs. In the new year.
Buffkomodo: Keep spending that sweet, sweet cash on sports please.
RockyMtnBlue: Prove that this has been a rebuilding effort from a sudden coaching change, and not simply the program descending into mediocrity.
Thumpasaurus: Miller, Henry and Discher need to resolve to replace themselves with Pittman, Stoops and Ligashesky.
HoustonBoiler: The roster needs better players everywhere. I mean everywhere! Please go out and get some better players.
WSR: Learn that special teams are kinda important if you want to play Iowaball with a passing game.
Is there any reason to root for B1G Ten teams in the playoffs? – frontinhawkeyes
HWAHSQB: NO! This ain’t the ESS EEE CEE and we don’t root for red teams and Oregon isn’t really a B1G team.
Buffkomodo: Like, outwardly? Meh. I like DL though.
RockyMtnBlue: Absolutely not. Screw all your teams. I hope they lose their fancy foosball games.
Thumpasaurus: To prevent a Texas or Notre Dame national championship, I’ll do it.
HoustonBoiler: To prevent a Notre Dame or SEC national championship, I might, but I would definitely feel very dirty about it and hate myself for doing it. In fact, I will probably ignore the whole thing and cheer for the meteor. Fuck all of your teams!
WSR: My significant other is from Ohio. If you’re not in a situation like me, then answer is no.
How much does Lane Kiffin have in common with your favorite cartoon characters? Discuss. – Dead Read
Buffkomodo: Nothing. Now he does remind me of Boyd Crowder from Justified. Pretty. Nuts. Had a bit of a redemption arc but eventually just went back to his old ways as being a piece of shit, albeit less evil.
RockyMtnBlue: In so many ways, I am a spoiled 8yr old in an old man’s body, but I don’t really have a favorite cartoon character.
Thumpasaurus: He does have a bit of Sterling Archer in him, doesn’t he?
HoustonBoiler: Lane Kiffin is basically Foghorn Leghorn. He has an obnoxious, bombastic, and somewhat unrefined personality, and shows a penchant for mischief. Foghorn often fancies himself a mentor figure to the smaller and younger characters he encounters, particularly Henery Hawk and Egghead Jr. (the bookish son of the widowed hen, Miss Prissy), tossing off bits of self-styled sagacity interjected with phrases like “Pay attention, son.” But this proves to be Foghorn’s worst trait, as his loud and fast mouth and propensity for over-explanation eventually annoys his intended subjects so much that, completely fed up with him, they end up hitting him over the head with a blunt object, yelling “Ahhhhh, shaddup!” and leaving in a huff. That definitely sounds like Lane!
WSR: I can’t do better than Thump here.
Over/under 1.5 victories for Fitz against his old school? – NU’06er
Buffkomodo: In 3 years he’ll play them maybe twice so under.
HWAHSQB: I’ll take the under because we’ll probably add another 4 stupid schools to the conference again and they’ll only play twice a decade and Get Off My Lawn!!
RockyMtnBlue: Buff and HWAHSQB hit the nail on the head. The main problem will be opportunity because they simply won’t play very many games. To get to 2 victories, he’ll need at least 3 games, and that might take 9 years. So under.
Thumpasaurus: Woah no, Northwestern Wildcats won’t do,
Well I never thought the ‘Cats could be so cruel,
And I’m never going back to my old
Schooooooooool
HoustonBoiler: Are we going back to the former ten schools and playing a nine game conference schedule? There’s your answer.
WSR: Oh, easily under. Even before he was fired for not knowing that his players were staring at other players’ buttholes while they were doing pullups, Fitz was circling the drain. They needed him to give them a reason to fire him, and he absolutely did not provide one according to a settlement.
Where have ya’ll been? – cericjo
Buffkomodo: Quite frankly, my job has been busy for the last 18 months and haven’t had time to write. They also locked down what we can do on the PC’s. Plus I haven’t had anything original to say. And now it’s basketball season in Ohio and I’m busy. Oh, and the three Komodo kids and Mrs. Komodo take all my spare time and energy.
IVE BEEN BUSY.
RockyMtnBlue: I’ve been right here, writing the picks column and shit-posting on Saturdays. But the season is over now, so BYEEEEEE.
HoustonBoiler: I’m around, banging out Boiling Points and WWBWWBD on a weekly basis.
WSR: Pimpin’ Accounting ain’t easy.
Is there anyone in your school’s recruiting class that you’re excited about? – WSR
HWAHSQB: I don’t follow recruiting very closely, but it looks like the class Bert is signing is the best since the Zooker roamed the Chambana sidelines. We did sign Jacob Eberhart, whose Dad played at Illinois right after I graduated. I always like to see the family bloodline athletes do well, so I’ll be rooting for him even a little harder.
HoustonBoiler: Has Bert been waterskiing? That seemed to work for the Zook.
Buffkomodo: I couldn’t name one player because recruiting is a crap shoot for schools like mine (at least it use to be)
RockyMtnBlue: It’s a solid class, and there are a lot of guys that are intriguing. But it doesn’t have the true bluechip WR we badly need, and it’s utterly underwhelming at DT (IMO, the second most important position). So basically….no.
Thumpasaurus: Nasir Rankin seems like a baller and he also did the hat fake thing but actually we were the school all along. Big Ayo Dosunmu energy coming from him.
HoustonBoiler: I only somewhat follow recruiting and don’t get too excited about it. If I had to pick one player, it would be Jett Goldsberry. He is a 4-star athlete who will likely play safety and was originally committed to Ole Miss. However, he flipped to Purdue, where his father played, on signing day. Thank you Lane!
WSR: There’s quite a few players that I’m excited to see and am praying that they develop, but there’s one name that sticks out above everyone else: Gavin Meier. Is he the best recruit in Minnesota’s class? No. Is he the best recruit at his position in this class? Also no. You might be starting to ask yourself why I’m excited about him, and I’d start to chuckle a bit. Gavin Meier is the #2 prospect in the state of wisconsin, and the top OL prospect in the state. And he’s from Janesville. Which quite literally means that PJ had to go through madison to get him.
If you tell me at most points between 2000 and 2020 that’d we’d pluck the best OL in that state out of Janesville, I probably choke on air.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! I think we need the answers to the last one I tried herding, because they deserve to see the light of day despite my incompetence.
What’s the worst game you’ve ever seen? – WSR
MNW: WSR has explained I can’t choose the 2008 Confusion Bowl, which we won 6-3: I came on to punt 9 times, punted 7 times, and had 5 of them count. I was credited as having done so for the opposing team. Having two public schools not named for their actual cities and with only one different consonant between the two is tough for Minnesota newspapers who fundamentally don’t actually care.
Instead: having not watched the 2016 Northwestern loss to Illinois State (because I was at the bachelor party for a now-divorced couple), M00N obviously deserves a shout. But there’s something, for me, about Northwestern’s 2011 loss at Army. I could’ve called in sick that day to my marching band “obligation” (stand in full uniform at a “tailgate party” on the Lakefill around a couple big screens and some free food we weren’t allowed to eat because we were playing pep band songs)—and just gone to the Hudson Valley for a “Sailgate” with other Northwestern alumni and friends. Instead, I guilted myself into staying in Evanston.
There were approximately 20 people not in NUMB left on the Lakefill when the final whistle sounded. I’m sure the Athletics Department spent like $20,000 on that goddamn moronic event.
Thumpasaurus: There’s so many ways to answer this. As far as poor quality of football, it could be the 2019 Illinois at Michigan State game, but that was wildly entertaining. Least competitive is obviously either MichiGers 16 or Indiana vs Illinois 2025. The amount of home games I’ve been to that are just lifeless where everyone gives up before Illinois can even score is not worth discussing.
I watched parts of Mizzou vs UConn in 2015: Missouri 9-6 Connecticut (Sep 19, 2015) Game Recap – ESPN
That was when UConn was QUITE bad. I remember UConn lining up for a game tying field goal, but instead of kicking it they ran a fake field goal play with a playaction fake to the kicker on which nobody bit, setting up a Tim Boyle interception.
Low point game for me to personally attend was either Illinutgers IV or Illinois getting stomped by Purdue right after my dad died.
I would very much like to fix the answer to this question. I know what the worst game of all time is, but I haven’t seen it. Can someone please help me?
misdreavus79: In seasons other than this one, you mean?
Larry31: UR asking a Maryland fan!?! Are kidding me? WSR is a sick sadistic ball sack of evil. All the beatdowns suffered by Maryland since joining the B1G. There are too many to count. It’s like one long nightmarish blur, as if Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” has come to life. Just to name a few, last week against IU [55-10], Friday night lights against PSU in 2019 [59-0], Friday night lights against Iowa in 2021 [55-14]. And that’s not even going into the Edsall years, which were worse. Next stupid question, please.
BoilerUp89: My years at Purdue overlapped with most of the Danny Hope era so I watched some bad blowouts in person. Since then I’ve had the misfortune to experience the Hazell and Walters eras. I”ll the season opener in 2013 at Cincinnati. Went to that one in person with a UC grad and it was unbelievable how much worse Purdue had gotten under first year HC Hazell.
HWAHSQB: I drove from Champaign to Madison and back for the 1995 last tie game in NCAA football history. It ended 3-3 with Illinois missing a last second field goal about 1 foot short.
HoustonBoiler: As a Purdue fan, there are no shortage of choices going back many, many years. So many ugly games during the Fred Akers, Jim Colletto, Danny Hope, Darrell Hazell, and Ryan Walters eras. Woof. However, I will go with my first crushing loss as a Purdue fan. In 1984, I was a first-year graduate student at Purdue and was excited to experience big-time college football. Purdue had a great start to the season beating 8th ranked Notre Dame in Indianapolis (Hoosier Dome dedication game), lost a competitive game at home to 5th ranked Miami, and then won three straight B1G games over Minnesota, Michigan State, and 2nd ranked Ohio State [the original harbor???].
Purdue was 4-1 and ranked 14th and coming off the huge win over OSU. At this point, I figured Jim Everette and the Boilers were Rose Bowl bound! Then Iowa came to Ross-Ade Stadium. Fucking Iowa! I was in the stands and still have visions of Iowa QB Chuck Long repeatedly, dropping back and completing long passes. To this day, I still refer to him as Chuck “It” Long. The aggravating part is that Purdue had not one, but two future NFL All-Pro DBs, Rod Woodson and Cris Dishman, playing, but it didn’t matter. Purdue also couldn’t do anything on offense and lost 40-3. From the highest of highs one week, to the lowest of lows the next.
WSR: Minnesota 10 Kent State 7. 488 yards of total offense, 17 punts. Sub-50% completions for the QBs combined.
Why can’t the B1G afford to hire full time refs? – Exiled_in_VT
MNW: probably because those commie refs are unionized amirite scottie w
misdreavus79: We need buyout money, can’t afford to squander it on refs.
BoilerUp89: In this economy? I’m a little surprised the B1G hasn’t joined the AI bubble and attempted to throw a ton of money into AI refs, but to spend money on people? Nah.
HoustonBoiler: I’m surprised the B1G has not already outsourced officiating football games to a call video center in southeast Asia where “refs” make calls based on the video feed.
What is something you spent a considerable amount of money on and got nothing for it? (Expectations >>>>>>Outcome) – cericjo
Thumpasaurus: Hmmm…Well, to be specific, I’d have to go through my old brokerage statements until I either find the trades that ruined my future or have a panic attack.
UPDATE: sorry, no dice!
MNW: Well, I have a PhD in history. How much more would you like to know?
misdreavus79: I have ADHD. Most of my money is spent on shit I touch once then never again.
Larry31: Is this true? Given the huge media contract owned by the B1G, this seems to be a pennywise and pound foolish endeavor.
HoustonBoiler: About a year and a half ago, Mrs. HB suggested that I needed some new clothes, specifically some nice clothes. So we went to Nordstrom and I bought some clothes, all of which have since been worn on multiple occasions with the exception of an expensive pair of shoes that are still in the box. Mrs. HB still refers to that shopping trip as my “pretty woman” moment. LOL!!!
WSR: My first marriage. But I did get a pretty solid pair of kids, so I can’t say that I didn’t get anything out of it.
How many death threats did Google and Disney get over this weekend? – chitownhawkeye
MNW: I have been writing Don’t Watch This; Watch That for approximately 14 years. I have extolled the virtues of FuboTV since it was home to beIN and Eleven Sports Network in the era in which, somehow, there was always a live Marshall football game on TV—even if they were somehow always playing Charlotte. (I know. Me neither.)
Sure, the trade-off was you didn’t get TNT or TBS come basketball season, but you could also watch JuCo football played at whatever community college in Oakland was also the home of the Oakland Roots soccer team (I just want it on the record that I won’t look that school up, because who cares).
So the answer is plenty, because none of you reprobates are Truly Enlightened like me.
misdreavus79: The companies? Probably none. The poor guy who has Disney and/or Google on his linkedin profile? About 100.
Larry31: These media developments are God’s way of telling us that we should not waste our valuable time watching this dumb sport. As a Maryland fan, I will happily oblige God’s will. What an existential moment I’m having. Why am I even spending time answering mailbag questions about this dumb sport? At least I have had the good sense to not watch Maryland football during October. On to Buzz Ball, I guess.
HoustonBoiler: There are plenty of times during the Hazell era that I would have preferred that ESPN not air Purdue football games. Sadly, that didn’t happen. But back to the question, I feel sorry for the poor customer service representatives at both Google and Disney who have to face the fallout of the C-Suite’s decisions with C-Suite compensation. Sucks to be them.
WSR: Not enough.
